How can my girlfriend successfully escape the control of her parents?

I have a couple of other options, although “posting the luggage now slowly over time” is the one of yours I like the best.
She could slowly take things to a trusted friend that will be packed in luggage when she is ready to leave or just cut her losses and run without any of her belongings. Not an attractive idea, but could be used as a last resort if she really feels that her parents would grab her and not let her leave.
Only you and your girlfriend know for sure if this situation will ever change with her parents, but I wish you luck in that they will finally accept you.

I can’t believe there would be enough value in the luggage to make it worth the troule. Just have her walk out the door one day and never come back. It’s that simple. You can always replace her belongings over time.

@YARNLADY You would think so, but as I know all too well, she has a taste for designer items. She would be $5000.00 down, just by leaving 4 hand bags behind. It is all Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and a bunch of other overpriced crap.

@poisonedantidote I caution you to re-think the whole marriage thing. She sounds like high maintenance to me.

I agree with @chyna that posting the luggage over time sounds like the best option. That way, it will be easy for her to just leave the house under pretense of getting a quick bite to eat or going shopping.

@YARNLADY You think she’s high maintenance because she likes to buy more expensive things and doesn’t want to lose all the money (presumably her own) that she put into buying those things? I wouldn’t just jump to conclusions like that. They’ve been together for a while now, I’m sure he knows better than you do whether she is high maintenance or not.

Where is James Bond when you need him?

So the flight is for a set day? Do we know the parents schedule on this day? Is there a way of getting them out of the house? Does she have friends who can help? Who would store the packed bags for her? How closely is she watched? Does she ever go out on her own? What time does she have to leave for the airport?

I think this seems like a more serious problem than people with no information can help with. I would write down everybody’s schedule in a lot of detail for every day of the week. I would spy on the parents and take notes on everything they do. WHo they see. When they go out. Where. Why? Everything.

Then I’d use the information I gathered as a place to plan from. I would not start planning based on a few paragraphs on fluther. Sorry I can’t help.

@poisonedantidote, I hope you don’t mind if I played Devil’s Advocate with you. I like your personality and I don’t want to offend you. So, here goes. Why did she knowingly go back to Taiwan if she knew beforehand the consequences of her actions and she is in love with you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you? I’m guessing the answer is to have her parents pay for her education. Do you not think that she at least owes them and you the common courtesy of acting like an adult and not a child sneaking around behind their backs? If I loved someone, I’d find a way to pay for my last year of university and be bold enough to tell my parents about my love. Do you trust someone who is so deceitful and conniving to their own parents?

She has to want to escape their control. She has to set the boundaries.

I’m sorry. Was that too harsh?

I’m with both @marinelife & @bkcunningham on this one @poisonedantidote.

She has to want to leave them. No matter how she does it, she’ll forever have to live with the consequences.

Is she willing to never speak to them again? Is she willing to be on bad terms with them in any way? I think if she takes the “ditch out” route, she faces appearing like a 12yr old rebellion to them forever.

She needs to be an adult here, as do you.

If you think she wants you to travel and stand up for her, then do so. But only do so knowing you may forever lose the respect of her family.

@marinelife She wants to escape their control, she has put a lot of effort in to doing so.

@YARNLADY She pays for all her own clothes.

@bkcunningham

- She went back to Taiwan because she has to finish university, she already has years invested in to it, and is an inch away from getting a very valuable masters degree

- She pays for her own education. She worked 10 hour days for 300 bucks a month to save enough money to pay for it.

- She is forced to sneak around behind their backs. Perhaps I did not make it clear how serious this is. There is a chance, that her family will murder her to prevent her marrying a white man. She is well in to her 20’s. They simply have no legal right to kidnap her, or harm her, or force her to do anything else. Anything that she owes them, has been paid back 10 fold already in the form of free labor, as she works for them on their market for free.

- I trust her more than I trust myself, her parents have forced the situation, leaving sneaking around to be not only the most viable option, but also the kindest option. Personally… if my parents acted like that towards me, I would use weapons to escape them.

EDIT: 1 Euro = 39 Taiwanese dollars…. She pays her own clothes, food, and education, in a country that requires 10 hours of work to earn what a westerner can earn working at Mc donalds part time.

@poisonedantidote If all of this is true, then I feel you should go to her and assist her out.

@SpatzieLover I have been having the same though, but I feel I kind of need to leave it up to her. It is her family. My style is very different, I could end up making things worse.

Oh… she never intended to live with them, she was going to rent her own place and live by her self for a while. She had people waiting at the airport to make sure that was not an option for her.

We thought everything was normal until she arrived back in Taiwan, then the parents showed their hand.

Does she feel she can tough it out until college is done, then just pick up & escape?

If that is a legitimate option, then yes, she could send a bag full of her stuff here and there until to make a break for it.

Are there any charitable organizations that deal in these types of escape? I would definitely find out. You want someone besides you knowing all of this information.

@SpatzieLover Things are ok now, sort of. They give her a hard time, but she can put up with it for another 5–6 months or so until university is finished. More to the point, she has to, there is too much invested in her education to leave now.

Having said that, it is not a nice way of life. The other week, her immune system got a little low, and she had an outbreak of shingles on her back. The doctor gave her medicine for it. However, when her fundamentalist/extremist Buddhist parents found out she was sick, she was taken to a temple and forced to drink a “magic” potion. Far from a normal life.

They are basically interested in her staying in Taiwan, being a buddhist, and having Taiwanese babies to help the under population problem, and thus massage the parents patriotism.

As for charities, that is a good idea. I don’t know if any such things exist though. I will look it up for sure.

We don’t need any money, but some advice would be good.

I still vote for her to just come back to Spain, and dump all hr stuff in Taiwan. However, after you spend 3 months working 10 hour shifts, to buy a Gucci bag, you are hardly likely to leave it behind. Even if your fiance is offering to buy 10 more of them for you in Spain.

Yeah I can see her wanting to keep her stuff. I have been in bad situations before. It’s better she gets out with her life.

I was thinking there must be some sort of a charity that works with getting women out of these situations. If I come up with any I’ll PM you. Advice from folks that know how to do this sort of an operation is vital to her making it out with her sanity.

How are you able to communicate with her?

@SpatzieLover Skype text chat and mobile calls

Definitely have it worked out that you have a plan if she doesn’t contact you. I’ll see about organizations. I swear there was just one I saw on a tv show that rescued women from these types of situations.

If the lie will most likely work, I vote for that. Lie and say she is going on a trip somewhere, wherever makes sense, maybe for her to visit a girlfriend out of the country, and actually be coming to meet you.

I know more than one person who has told major lies like that to leave a spouse, or have suddenly just been gone, all belongings removed, when an SO gets home.

But, she has to think of every angle. If they get suspicious they will possibly look through her stuff, she can’t have things lying around like a copy of her flight itinerary. And by laying around, I mean even in her purse f they have access to it at times. Getting caught before she gets on the plane sounds like it would be a very bad situation.

Option two is the most likely to succeed. But I agree with the others who have said what is there that she wants or needs that cannot be replaced once you are together. I would opt for the “I’m gonna go grab a coke” scenario and just not return. BUT…. I would also leave a note that says I am gone just so they do not call the police in a missing person. Either that or call them once I was in the air.

Wow…I have nothing to ad to all of the above discussion.
I have traveled in Taiwan, am friends with several Taiwanese that spend many months of the year working for our local Intel Corp. and I have never heard of such a thing! I have never gotten the racist vibe from my Taiwanese consorts in the least. Most give themselves american names and I have had nothing but positive experiences with the culture, my hosts, the business end of things.

Of course I am not marrying a Taiwanese person either, but still, this is amazingly surreal to me!

@poisonedantidote I really feel for both of you, and believe me, I think I know how complicated the situation is right now with her and her parents…
I think the best option would be for her to slowly start packing and storing her belongings in a trusted friend’s home, and then eventually disappearing.

I don’t think it’s fair for some people to be insinuating that she doesn’t want to leave. Clearly, if her parents are so controlling that they would kidnap her to keep her from leaving, she doesn’t really have many options.

I think though if it comes down to being with someone I love or having my designer bags, hopefully I would opt for love (and not of designer bags).

That seems to be the easiest way out, mail the absolute necessities and then one day walk out the door with just the clothes you have on and hop on the plane.

@rooeytoo I agree

Can the local police in her town help her? For example, can she enlist their help in accompanying her while she leaves with the luggage?

If not the police, how about a strong friend who can be there with her physically while she leaves with the luggage?

I am with @rooeytoo, that if it were a choice between love and a free life vs. designer bags, I would chose to abandon the bags and just get away. Bags can be replaced, the hassle of being kidnapped and not with someone I love and living the life I want cannot.

Seems best to just wait it out. May is coming soon and then her parents will have to let her go

@poisonedantidote: Please post an update and let us know how things turn out for you guys. Best of luck and I think I speak for all of us when I say I (“we”) hope everything works out for the best for you both.

JCA
The Update Lady

Looks like graduation is right around the corner. The parents were sneaky the first time around, only “showing their hand” when they had her in their hands. Well they could do it again by looking to tie her up in some way immediately after graduation. I suggest she skip the ceremony and bug out ASAP when her last educational obligation is finished, and before they have a chance to pull any more fancy stuff.