Life is random, and so am I. I could be homeless one day, if I get sick enough. It doesn’t seem likely, but it is possible.
I don’t give to everyone who asks. I don’t really have any algorithm for deciding who to give to, or how much. Sometimes, if someone asks for change, I’ll give them change. If they ask for no specific amount, I might give anywhere between a dollar and twenty dollars, depending on what is in my pocket, how frazzled I feel, and how random I feel.
I don’t care if they need a fix or need food. When I give them the money, it is up to them how to use it. I give because they ask, and because maybe they need it, but need is such a vague term. I know they could go to a shelter or a food kitchen. I know they could dumpster dive. I know that maybe relatives could take them in.
I know that maybe relatives have kicked them out. I know they might have stolen from relatives and friends and worn out their welcome everywhere. I know they might hate the shelters because they are dehumanizing or dangerous.
But there’s no way of telling any individual’s story without asking and then taking the time to get the story. That’s not something that interests me. Maybe it should, but it doesn’t.
So I’m random. Some days I walk by without acknowledging them. Some days I’ll nod hello and walk on by. Some days I’ll fish around in my pocket and give them something without really looking at them. Some days I give and say hello.
Most panhandlers don’t take it personally. Occasionally someone does. But it isn’t personal. We don’t know each other. We don’t owe each other anything.
And one day, should I end up on the street, no one will owe me anything. Indeed, if I am on the street, it will probably be because I am ready to die, and I won’t want anyone to help me out. But like I said, I doubt if I will ever get to that point. It’s just having had, at one point in my life, wanted to be in the gutter, I know it could happen again, and the desire might even be strong enough to get them there. But I doubt it.