Can someone compare my old resume to my updated resume?

I can see why you have problems with your objective: To obtain a position where I can utilize my skills in organization and management in a professional yet challenging environment which offers opportunities for advancement.

There is a lot of redundancy there. You might want to say:

Use my managerial and organizational skills in a challenging, professional environment that gives me opportunities to demonstrate excellence.

But while that cuts out the chaff, it doesn’t say much.

What do you really want? What kind of challenges do you thrive on? What kind of position would really bring your talents to the front?

What, indeed, is your story?

Do you pick up on details other people miss? Do you work long hours until everything is done? Do you love making sure an organization works well? What is your role in such an organization? Do you manage people well? If not, what do you manage well? Do you thrive on bringing order to chaos? If so, how? What makes you good at it?

Your resume reads like the resume of a good worker bee. Is that what you are? If so, I’m not sure you want to pretend to be a manager. However, if that’s what you want to do, then say you’ve worked as a worker bee, and are now ready to stretch yourself and move up to management and here’s why. That’s your story. The details then have to show that.

Think about quantifying your experience. You close the business. How often? Every day? Why did management trust you?

You assist with sales transactions. What does that mean? Why don’t you complete transactions on your own? How many have you assisted with? Is there anything complicated about them? Tell me.

You manage work schedule (for how many people), cashing department (what amounts of cash are we talking about), inventory (how often, what value). I need this info to understand the extent of your responsibilities.

Fast paced environment? Again, quantify that. How many transactions a day? How many do you handle? Are they complex? What do you do, really?

It sounds like you do customer service. How well? Have you reduced complaints? Improved customer satisfaction? How? How much?

You do clerical work. Did you bring organization to a messy department? Did you get any recognition for it? What has been a consequence of your work? Have sales improved during the time you were there? Anything you can claim is a result of your own work?

Quantify, quantify, quantify.

Tell me the story of how you arrived and everything was in bad shape, and you whipped it into shape, improving sales, improving customer satisfaction, and now you are ready to take what you’ve learned and bring it to a new organization where you will run the department and make it work better and double sales in the first year you are there. Or whatever.

Thanks wundayatta for the questions. That’s a lot of things to think about, but how detailed can I be without my resume turning too “wordy”?

I can think of difficult situations when I brought things to order. Should I basically write a summary about what happened? O.o

You start by writing it all out. Then you cut and cut until it says what you need to say without too many words. If you tell a compelling story, they will read more words. If you don’t tell a good story, they won’t even read a small number of words.

Second is better with objective and skills on top. @wundayatta covered items that need editing and strengthening. I’ll repeat quantify and use action words.

Move all the dates to the right margin for employment.

Leave a space between each of header and the group of bullets under it.