How many relationships have you been in before you were able to build a successful one?

I had my first boyfriend, perhaps later than most, at 17. We dated for about a month before he went on vacation and slept with someone else.

A few months later I met my husband. I lost my virginity to him at 18, we got engaged and moved in together at 21, and got married at 22 this past May. We’re now 23 and just bought our first home.

The numbers are certainly against us, but numbers don’t rule my life. He’s the best man I know. We’ve had a very stable relationship – none of that typical high school on-again-off-again stuff. We know what we want in life, and that’s each other.

Zero.

I met my girlfriend when I was sixteen. We finished high school, went to college, then got married. Twenty five years later, we’re still together.

Clearly, I lucked out.

I’d call all relationships successful ones regardless of their longevity, even the not so good experiences can be viewed as a learning curve.

@cookieman It’s always good to hear a young love success story. :)

@livelaughlove21: Thank you. I’d love to tell you there’s some trick to it, but it’s just (for us anyway) a good solid foundation of love and mutual respect with a truckload of hard work on top. And a sprinkle of lust for good measure. ;^)

I’m with @ucme on this. I don’t really think of past relationships as unsuccessful, just because they didn’t last forever, you know? I had many boyfriends, some more serious than others, before I married the first time. That marriage lasted for 17 years before we divorced. All told, we were together for almost 20 years and most of it was very good. I’m now happily married again, for what I certainly hope is the last time.

You learn things from each relationship. Sometimes you learn what you don’t want, sometimes what you do want, and almost always something about yourself. All of that helps in the next relationship.

I too agree with @ucme and @augustlan about this, I have had several sucessful relationships though none lead to marriage some were long others were short but I learned something from everyone of them.

What is the definition of a successful relationship?

How one measure success in a relationship can be very subjective.
If a person builds a success in their first relationship, how do they know it could not be better?
The fact that you are in one is some degree a success as others have stated.
There are certainly traits that many people might agree characterize a good relationship, such as authentic intimacy, open communication, and mutual support, but selflessness is certainly one found as successful relationship’s cornerstones.
Every relationship I have been in has had measures of success.

“we are product of our past but we dont have to be prisoners of it. ~Rick Warren” is to some degree a reason why we move on. Moving on does not diminish the success you have had in your past. The key to me is how we learn from our past and not stay stuck in it.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler” ~Henry David Thoreau

@burntbonez: One without homicide.

My first relationship lasted a year and a half. The next two years; the next four years; and my marriage has lasted 22 years and counting. There were all relationships that were very valuable to me. I wish the first one had lasted forever, but it didn’t. I still don’t know why it didn’t. I guess I wasn’t right for her. But that doesn’t help in understanding why.

I’m still married, but I don’t know how successful our marriage is. We’ve been through a lot. Children. Job losses. Depressions for both of us. Mental illness for me. We were distant for a decade and I was so miserable, as was she. We’ve been in therapy together and separately, for years. It is far from perfect, but we get along.

Is that what marriage is now? Getting along well? Being a good team? It could be a lot worse, so I’ll take it, especially for the kids. But there is a part of me that is not fulfilled, a part that I shove away because there is no other way to deal with it that doesn’t have huge collateral damage. It’s easier to do that to yourself than to others. One day I will pay. I have no idea how much.

I see relationships as practice. They are practice for the next stage of this relationship, or for the next relationship. We are never done. Some people can stay happily with each other forever. Some of us may not have that ability. If I choose to sacrifice myself for others, that is my choice, not theirs. I will never say, “You don’t know how much I sacrificed for you.” No one owes me anything for my choices.

But if I want to be happy, since no one owes me anything, not my wife or children or anyone, then I will have to go out and grab it. No one will give it to me. No one will be guilted into it. Only I can overcome my own guilt and lack of self worth and decide I’m worth being happy. And if I don’t, that’s my choice, too. Frankly, I don’t know if happiness is worth it. But there are times when I wish, more than anything, to have a love that will blow my mind out of this world into that other realm I can only fantasize about.

@wundayatta: Excellent answer. Very nice.

I had my first relationship at @ age 12 with a boy down the street. Really we were just friends, but we did a closed-mouth kiss and thought we were practicing.

I was a virgin until I was 18 yrs old. I had several relationships between 19 and 24, then at 24 I met my ‘one true love’. After 4 years he was taking me for granted and was a commitment-phobe due to his parents divorce, so I left after many heartfelt talks.

At that point I was abou 28 yrs old and broken-hearted. The same day I left my ex, my mom took me out to a bbq and I met the guy who was in a few short years, to be my husband.

What was different about my husband? He was always happy. He was generous with me and his friends. Very even-tempered, and a few years younger than me, a little inexperienced in love, while I was already jaded.

Is it successful? Some would say yes, as we have a nice home, cars are paid off, and all is well. Some would say no, because we are more friends than husband and wife all these years later, and eventually the ‘nice’ guy turned out to not be as nice as portrayed while dating.

I’ve only been out with 3 guys in the past before meeting and staying with my current bf. The one I’m currently in right now I’d say has been more successful than my past relationships. We are still together after 4 years.