Do adults still say , "children should be seen and not heard?"?

Not any that I associate with.

My parents used to say this all the time and they were serious. But I haven’t heard it lately. Admittedly, I do not have much to do with children, now.

I hope not!
How invalidating.
I also do not believe that parents deserve unquestioning “respect” from their children, just because they are parents.
Respect is earned not a given based on age or being in a position of “authority.”

@Coloma , it was designed to quiet rude, interrupting kids. But I agree respect must be earned. I often wonder if there is any limit to how disrespectful we should allow children to be to their drug addicted, neglectful parents ? Should a line be drawn?

I grew up in a family that believed it. I do not personally believe in such tripe.

Now, I have a 4 year old son who minds his Ps and Qs, but is certainly allowed to speak his mind. As an example, I will never chastise him for speaking out against one of the many pushy, busybody adults who make snide comments about his long hair. He’s more than welcome to say “No, ma’am, I am a boy and I like my long hair.”

I think some still do, absolutely.

I love the look of long hair on little boys! Hate the look on men over forty, though.

@Aster Don’t you like that gray-haired balding ponytail look? Oh come on! You know you do!

@burntbonez if a man over fifty is gorgeous then, sure a ponytail of gray looks good. How could Richard Gere not look good? I can see him in one. If he’s very clean looking with a nice flannel plaid shirt and close shaven then yes. I’d like it better if he didn’t have one, though , as to me it seems an attempt to make a statement. And by a certain age I like to think a man or woman has grown weary of making statements. Leave it to teenagers.

Not so fond of the look, myself. I wholeheartedly agree with you. Except about Richard Gere. I don’t think he could carry it off, either, especially if balding.

I thought only men with thick hair could even have a ponytail ?

I think some must. I stereotype it with strict Christian upbringing, but that might be way off and a bad stereotype. For sure some people still tell children to not speak unless spoken to, because I hear it now and then. I was never told either of these things, and we children were generally allowed to interact and sit with the adults, and that continues with the children in my extended family. I guess very large families that tend to need to two tables to fit everyone at a dinner maybe make a children’s table, but we never had nor have that situation.

Only when doing a very poor Hitler impersonation.

@Aster I think kids often get punished for their often, very ADULT observations and questioning authority.
Usually the really bright kids.
I don’t think a child that is calling their parents out on their bullshit is being disrespectful.

I remember getting into a conflict with my 5th grade teacher when I was caught drawing in class after completing a test before the other kids were done.

Teacher stopping by my desk:
Miss W. WHY are you drawing?
Me: Because I have finished the test.
Teacher: Well this isn’t an art class
Me: Well..why shouldn’t I be drawing? What am I supposed to do, stare at the ceiling?
Teacher: ( unable to give a logical reason ) You are excused Miss. W. you may stand outside the classroom for the remainder of the test period.

WTF!

No wonder I dropped out and took the GED in my Jr. year! haha

She was p’od because you aced the test. I don’t understand teachers like that. She should have made provisions for kids who finished sooner than the others. Your comment about ‘staring at the ceiling’ she took as being disrespectful. You were challenging her. Teachers don’t like to be challenged. But , you know all this.

@Aster You say it was to quiet rude interrupting children. I had not thought of it like that. To me it was invented by people who believe children should be obedient, quiet, not question, and follow direction. Good little soldiers. Quiets children who might be actually smarter than the adults around them. Helps to shut them up while some brain washing is done. Or, I can understand an exhausted parent not wanting to hear children screaming when they get home, but seen and not heard always carried a more disrespectful connotation to me. It was not the same as simply asking for quiet when overwhelmed. If it were about etiquette and knowing when to speak, the rules would be true for all ages. Like saying pardon me or excuse me if you must interrupt, but better not to interrupt if possible. Don’t be rude or offensive. Those apply to everyone.

@Coloma I used to get that from teachers all the time. I’d bring a book to school with me and break it out when I was done testing.

Apparently, the assumption was that I was hiding answers in the novel, and replacing the already completed answers on the blue-book through telekinesis.

I think the teachers were just upset that their tests weren’t challenging enough to merit my attention for more than ten minutes or so.

@Seek we weren’t allowed to have anything on our desks when test taking. Regardless of whether we were finished or not. It offends them to see you reading; it makes them believe you’re thinking, “well, that was easy and stupid. Now on to something more meaningful.”

It seems to me that if a student is sitting quietly reading after having completed a test, they are indeed complying with the aphorism that “children should be seen and not heard”. ;-)

If the test is already turned in, then I don’t see a problem. If the test is still on the student’s desk then I think it is a problem. Actually, it might be difficult for a teacher to keep track of who is done and who isn’t. Nothing on the desk during test taking makes it easier on the teacher to know no one is cheating, I don’t think it necessarily is some sort of power play. Most of my teachers were thrilled with smart students, not annoyed. Many of my teachers let us leave once we were done with a test when I was in high school, definitely in college. Younger grades you can’t just let kids walk around the halls I guess. All I am saying is consider being the teacher, with all good intentions and not harbowing any resentment, she still needs to be able to run the classroom in a just way.

The “old fashioned” ones.

@Aster Yeah. How dare those children perform their tasks beyond the assumptions of the authority figures. We must dash their joy and staunch their progress, lest we seem inadequate!

^^^ Haha….imagine!
I HATED school!
I couldn’t stand nonsensical and illogical rules designed to snuff out every last spark of individuality in order to maintain the status quo. Crank out the hoards of mindless little drones. Bah!

My middle school gym teacher used to say that. This was in the early 2000’s. I still say it, but only as a joke. I also say the same thing about men – also as a joke. :)

My mom would say it sarcastically sometimes, only as a joke. Some of her contemporaries were not so relaxed about it, though, and sometimes were annoyed by my presence when I was little.

I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard anyone my age (45) or younger say it except jokingly. We still teach our kids manners (as @JLeslie said, don’t interrupt unless you have to, say “excuse me” if you must, etc.) but the ‘seen not heard’ thing seems very dismissive.

No. I teach my daughter to be polite, not interrupt, say “excuse me” etc. – but damn, I often want her to be part of the conversation. She’s very funny and often smarter than many of the adults I know.

I wish they sometimes would…. Like when trying to enjoy a restaurant meal where brats are running round the tables. There are times when any of us should be seen and not heard.
The word ‘respect’ springs to mind. I don’t think it’s healthy the way children these days are fussed and fawned over and the centre of attention in a family . Far better they are treated as ‘just’ another family member with no more or less validity than the adults. ..imho.

I agree, nanec ! A lot of it has to do with avoidance of low self esteem in kids. The parents rave over them, speak highly of them during every phone call and play taxi to them every chance they’re called upon. Don’t talk down to them, you’re told; lavish them with compliments daily; speak to them with the greatest of respect but above all go light on punishments. Those may ruin their self esteem. I was spoiled rotten but my mother never decorated my room like a magazine cover nor did I receive diamond earrings as gifts.