Have you known a person who seems to enjoy a troubled life?

I think it’s unfair to compare the woman on a yardstick of what you consider “normalcy”. That’s measuring her against your values and your yardstick. I see that is unfair.

For whatever reason – and I am no shrink, so I can’t begin to explain why – her idea of normalcy is the way she has chosen to live for the the last 25 years. You may observe and disapprove, but this the lifestyle she has chosen and is used to – this is her normal. You and I don’t have to live it; we don’t have to approve of it, but it is her choice and her life.

At some level, it’s somewhat arrogant of you to pass judgment on her. If she isn’t hurting you – and from what you wrote, she is not – then she, and every human, have the autonomy to live their own lives in the way they want to.

If she wanted to change her comfort level and her definition of normal. I am confident that she could.

So she may be choosing to live cold, poor and hungry with a broken down car, new dogs that disappear even in twenty degree weather and finds comfort in it? I feel so sorry for her but would feel better if I knew she liked it.

@aster, I don’t know her, so i can’t possibly know for sure. But I’m not going to change my reply. it’s not right for you to judge her.

her life. her choice.

Would you change your reply if you knew her fourteen year old son is suffering and neglected?

I feel you are writing this as you care? Plus are concerned particularly if she has a child and a few animals are being hurt in her care. There are so many reasons why lives end up this way. Too many to even fathom or discuss. But due to your concern, you could contact welfare if her child is not safe or protected. If she herself has a drug issue, you could ask her family for an intervention. If money is really her issue you could offer to drop off groceries now and then. Maybe she is depressed. Depression and other mental illness will manifest many of the behaviors you describe.

I agree with Shippy. This sounds incredibly like my mom who was diagnosed bi-polar at age 55 after making a ton of bad choices all her life. Unfortunately drugs and alcohol make those symptoms worse. Research it.

Acknowledging a problem is not judging in my opinion. You seem to come from a place of concern not making fun, so I would recommend that she check into her local mental health office, check National Alliance for the Mentally Ill in your area. Also, if you are truly concerned with her son, you or the child should notify school authorities or other members of the family so the situation can be cleared up and the chlid protected immediately.

As a child who was alternately smothered with affection and then semi-abused by my mother, getting the parent help is the best way to help the child. The sense of responsiblity a child feels for a parent in this situation can be overwhelming. We worry if they’re eating, if they’re safe, if the call will come that mom is dead, it’s a horrible, frightening way to live and it can affect them in school, in relationships and long-lasting effects are quite hard to get over as well, like trusting people.

“The sense of responsiblity a child feels for a parent in this situation can be overwhelming. We worry if they’re eating, if they’re safe, if the call will come that mom is dead, it’s a horrible, frightening way to live and it can affect them in school, in relationships and long-lasting effects are quite hard to get over as well, like trusting people.” You hit the nail right on the head. This is exactly how he feels!! And he has a lot of anger but doesn’t want to leave her and what few friends he has left.

I do believe some people feel more comfortable living a troubled life, because it is their normal. Now, the woman you describe sounds like she is probably an addict, so that is a whole other complication.

Anyway, we see people repeat the same mistakes over and over agin, or the mistakes of their parents. The girl who swore she would never marry someone abusive like her father, winds up marrying an abusive man. She is attracted to what she knows and somehow does not put together that that male personality type tends to be abusive. The boy who is upset his father sees those other woman and hates to see his mother cry winds up being a cheater himself. This sort of cycle happens generation after generation.

Sometimes people don’t know how to break the cycle, don’t have the tools, the direction. They tend to blame others from what I have observed, don’t feel a sense of control.