Is your partner hot enough?

Maybe I have only been in the “infatuation” stage but I have always found the women I have been with physically awesome. But once things go south I think they look hideous.

Maybe I haven’t been around long enough to see them how everyone else does.

Oh yeah, maybe when we’re in our seventies we’ll hump with paper bags over our heads though.

Very.

His name is Cal Fun Spa. lol

I wasn’t necessarily attracted to my boyfriend’s looks when we met, I didn’t find him ugly at all but he wasn’t what I thought to be my “type”. As I fell in love with his personality I found his looks more and more appealing and now I think he is the best looking man in the world. I wouldn’t want him to change a thing. Who knows how physically attracted to him I would be if his look changed drastically (ie: if he became overweight maybe), does anyone really know how their feelings would change in a situation like that until they are in it but I hope I wouldn’t turn into a bitch because of it.

I only date supermodels.

Hmm. Do you think that explains why I don’t have anything going on in the relationship department right now?

Actually, I’ve never even been in the same room with a supermodel, much less dated one.

As I stated in the mentioned question, my husband is very attractive. I probably find him hotter than everyone else because I love him, but he’s very handsome regardless. I always joke that I’m surprised I ended up with a hottie. :)

Josh gets his eyebrows waxed and shaves his stomach/chest (except for the happy trail – yum!) and I don’t think he’d do that if he wasn’t trying to “keep himself up” for me. It’s not as if he has anyone else to impress.

I constantly battle with my weight, though I’m probably not what most would call “fat” – it’s something I struggle with, but he insists I’m beautiful the way I am and he finds me just as sexy at 140lbs as I was at 125lbs when we met (at 17). However, I still wear makeup, do my hair, and try hard to look good for him and keep my body in relatively good shape.

I don’t think we need to constantly worry about impressing our SO so they don’t leave us, but I find that my relationship (and sex life) is much better when I feel good about myself. We should keep ourselves looking good, not only for our SO, but for ourselves.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I’ve found men who aren’t classically handsome to be very hot just because of who they are, their personalities, and my connection with them. Looks aren’t all that important, but attraction is.

Yes, whenever she’s by the stove cooking for me. I kid-! : )

I want to look my best not for anyone but myself. It is a matter of personal pride. A happy side benefit is that my boyfriend appreciates my efforts, and does comment from time to time. I think when you don’t take care of and take pride in yourself, often we don’t do the those same things for the other people in our lives. That has been my experience at least. It goes without saying though that if someone I love became injured or sick, I would never reject them or leave them… I guess, my motto would be akin to “work with what you have been given to your best ability.”

@mazingerz88 That’s easy enough and is cheaper than a boob job loll.

My wife always had a naturally beautiful body. She’s a dancer. She had more trouble gaining weight, often being on the light side. Although she’s finally been seduced enough by my cooking to gain plenty. She still thinks she needs more, but I don’t. But five pounds would probably not really be noticeable anyway.

She was always hot enough. It wasn’t her body that was an issue. Rather, it was her attitude.

Perhaps she got depressed after the birth of our second child. Perhaps she was angry with me for other reasons I cannot go into. Maybe it was both. Maybe it was work that was bothering her. Whatever the cause, we grew far apart for many years, and even though I was in love with her and attracted to her, it wasn’t enough.

I didn’t feel like she loved me. She didn’t show me she loved me. She was always so distant. I tried as hard as I knew how. But somehow we could not bridge the distance. It took a crisis for us to find a way to work on our relationship more successfully. We got therapy. It helped.

But the distance we went through changed things. Maybe some would call it “mature” love. We love each other and care for each other and communicate well. But that spark that used to be there is gone. She is attractive to me, but she doesn’t make me feel excited any more. I’m not talking about in a sexual way. She doesn’t excite me in a personal way. I’m really concerned about where we are at in lacking that personal excitement for each other. We’re like two old friends now. It’s…. well, nice. But it isn’t everything I need.

I think we owe it to ourselves and our partners to keep our bodies in reasonably good shape, maintain good hygiene, and behave and dress in a manner appropriate to our age and environment.

Feel free to ignore these at your relationship’s peril.

Lot’s mentioned weight, I just thought I’d mention that some women are more beautiful curvy.

I think we need to pay reasonable attention to how we present ourselves to our partners depending on the partner. Being a good match in this realm is a good idea I think. When I say match I don’t mean both people have to care about being within 10 pounds of their ideal weight, or both need to be overwieght, what I mean is if for instance the husband tends to be overweight, the spouse needs to be ok with an overweight spouse. My mom knew a couple who had a prenup that if either one gained more than a certain percentage of weight (I don’t remember the number) it was grounds for divorce. Personally, I find that horrid, but they both were good with it.

I don’t like when my husband is very very sweaty from being at the gym or working outside. I don’t even mean I don’t want him to hold me, I mean the whole thing turns me off. Some women are the opposite. Some women like men all muscled up with triangular torsoes, and I don’t find that attractive at all, I see it as pretty icky. I was watching a show where a personal trainer admitted he works on his body about 4 hours a day plus being extremely strict about meals. No wonder I am not attracted to that body type, I instinctively know they are obsessed with themselves and compulsive about working out. My husbands gets disappointed his boy is not leaner and more muscular, and I try to explain to him it is because he is a very successful man in his career in corporate life, a wonderful husband, and spends time on his racing hobby. Maybe some people pull off adding in being super muscular on top of that, but I doubt it happens often. He is medium build and handsome. But, this tendency he has to want a harder body shows up in finding women who are very fit attractive also. I am not one of those women, but I do think gaining a lot of weight would hurt my relationship. I weigh more than I want to know, not only for him, but for myself also. It is easily counterbalanced though if I bother to dress nicely and be groomed well.

I think what @Leanne1986 wrote is usually true, when we love someone, love their personality and how they care for us, they become more and more attractive to us. It probably is some natural process in the brain so that even as we age and lose our looks our committment remains strong.

Well personally, I try to dress nice and keep myself up for my partner. Do I think he will love me regardless? Yes, but that doesn’t change the lit up look on his face right after I’ve gotten my hair done and wear a sexy outfit that shows of my figure I’ve been working hard for lol. I think partners appreciate it, but I guess it shouldn’t be something you are forced to do. If it’s something you want to change for your partner that’s okay, but the main thing is to make sure it’s something you want for yourself as well. My partner is currently trying to lose weight as he is a little bit overweight. It’s something that he has said he has wanted to do for a long while, but being in the relationship has I suppose finally given him more incentive to do so.

Nice clothes, new haircut, etc. are things that make you look better, so I don’t really see them as “bad” things. Since being in a relationship with me, my boyfriend has changed the way he typically gets his hair cut and has a different sense of style (much better). I don’t think these are changes he has a problem with, in fact I think that over time he has started to feel better about himself. I always felt that part of my job as a girlfriend was to help my man be the best he can be. Not only does that involve being supportive and giving honest opinions, I think it can also involve telling him that “hey, try getting your hair cut this way and see how you like it” you know?

Personally, I wasn’t attracted to my partner because of looks. It was because of who he was as a person (which sometimes made me feel bad in the beginning because I knew he was definitely attracted to my looks). Now as time as passed, he has become more physically attractive to me.

At the end of the day, if I don’t want to try to look sexy for my partner, then what’s the point? I know for a fact that on days I am not going to see him I don’t spend as much time on my makeup or wear my best outfits. Seems like a waste lol

I agree with cutiepie again. My husband is attractive and women flirt with him all the time, same with me. I always am trying to lose weight and he’s always trying to gain weight mostly because of our jobs, mines sedentary, his is active but neither of us are too worried about it as we made a committment to stay together forever no matter what.

When we were dating I kept telling him I hoped that his ‘nice’ would rub off on me, it was his personality and kindness to others that attracted me more than anything. Kindness is HOT!

I married an older man. I’ve made peace with the fact that I will never have a hot 25 year old husband. When I met him he looked like GI Joe. Well, seven years and * mumbles * pounds later, not so much. I’d like for him to lose the weight, but at least he got rid of that awful facial hair and stopped shaving his head like some kind of neo-Nazi.

I shave my head, but I have no desire to march around the street yelling “sieg heil!”

I find long hair on men attractive. What can I say?

Err, how about Jesus, look at that sexy bastard?

Sort of.. how about one of my favourite delicious musicians

I’m with you on the bald thing @Seek_Kolinahr. Not my cup o tea. Though, I dislike long hair on men as well. I like it somewhere in between – long enough to grab, short enough so he’s not blow drying it next to me in the morning.

The only exception being Chris Hemsworth. Yowza. And call me crazy, but Jesus was pretty sexy in Passion of the Christ.

…is that blasphemy? Oh well.

@Seek_Kolinahr I’m not clicking on that, because I fear it may be Michael Bolton & if it is…well, i’ve gone right off you!

That Jim Caveziel is pretty smokin’, I have to say.

Ha ha… @ucme it’s Mikael Akerfeldt, from Opeth. I’m way too metal for Michael Bolton.

Thank fuck for that, my faith is restored :¬)

I wouldn’t ask my guy to change anything about his body for me because I wouldn’t really want him to ask the same of me. I mean, I’d be willing to make some changes, like I started shaving my lady parts for practicality’s sake mostly, but I wouldn’t want him to ask me to grow my hair long when I like it short, or something like that. When I first met him he had a beard which he no longer has, but which I liked. He knows I liked it but he doesn’t want it right now and that’s fine.

He is attractive to me. He’s a wee bit overweight at the moment but it’s whatever. I just need some attraction; it’s really not overly important to me.

Only a necrophiliac would say no
ba-dumchhsss

Yes. indeed. Thank you for asking.

Yes, he is. He has gained a bit of weight since we met, but so have I after two kids, and hey, that’s marriage for ya. Even with an extra 25–30 pounds, he’s still hot to me. I guess it helps that he was a total Adonis when I met him.

My wife is plenty hot now as she is going through menopause. Hot all the time.

My husband is tall, dark, and handsome. He struggles with his weight, though, and he’s very heavy these days. I never criticize or ridicule, but let’s just say that he’d be super-hot if he could get back to his normal weight.

I connected with my partner on an intellectual level first. When I saw him, he was already the most beautiful person to me and he remains one of the sexiest people I know. Is he hot enough for me? I never thought about it. I wanted him to be smart enough for me and he is. As far as doing things for our partners, I’m pretty much not into that whatsoever. In my previous marriage, my ex husband would tell me to not eat bread or whatever so that I wouldn’t gain weight. It was hurtful. He would say ’ I really like when you wear dressed, when you’re girly ’ while I’d say how much trouble I’m having with ‘being a woman.’ He didn’t get me at all. I wanted him to read, he thought that was weird. Obviously, we’re not together anymore.

I think people are independent and we do not get to tell them how to look. There are certain compromises you can make but it just tends to fit all these rigid roles and norms. I would never be with anyone who would tell me to shave down there or to be more feminine for them or to lose weight for them or to wear lingerie for them. Never.

He is definitely hot enough for me. I am very sure that I am not hot enough for him.

@tedibear How can you be sure?

”I think people are independent and we do not get to tell them how to look.”

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: I completely agree with this. I try to keep myself looking good because I like good hygiene and decent clothes and being clean shaven – but that’s really for me.

If my wife finds that “hot”, that’s a bonus.

I might suggest she exercise more for her health, but I would never even dream of suggesting she change her appearance to stay “hot”.

Seems shallow to me.

@cookieman Otoh, it’s not always clear cut. I would say I do expect certain emotional or intellectual changes, if they are necessary. But I have to do so, as well. So I suppose I consider appearance related things not to matter but if, for example, he gains 100 lbs because he now plays video games 24/7, I’ll have a problem with a change in his life, not in his body.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Yes, absolutely. If it’s a symptom of a bigger no pun intended problem, then that would need looking into.

@cookieman In my mind, though, asking your partners all these things is a sign of a problem.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: What do you mean?

@cookieman I mean when it comes to appearance, in my opinion. If you have lived your entire life guzzling down ‘info’ from Maxim, you go into a relationship thinking untrue things – that is men and women aren’t actually cartoons where one likes ‘mancaves’ and beer between tits and ass and the other likes soft ribbons and bookclubs. If you are trapped by gender norms, you trap your partner, you’re not actually letting them be, you’re just creating them according to false truths. That’s what I think anyway. That’s the larger problem. Then people wonder why they can’t communicate, because they think they know their partners by reading about men and women elsewhere. They don’t know their partners however.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Correct. I couldn’t agree more. My biggest gripe is how gender norms are marketed toward children. Children’s Place (for example) is split right down the middle – girls on the left, boys on right. Butterflies over here, dump trucks over there. They’ve already decided not only what your child should wear, but what they should like. But I’m off on a rant (which is why I’m whispering. :^)

@cookieman Don’t worry. That rant runs through my veins next to all the other rants.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Would you ask your husband to set and dispose of the mouse traps or would you do that if you were the first one on the scene?

@wundayatta Are these mouse traps metaphors for something else? Or are you actually implying that I be afraid of mice? Because of the gender I was raised in?

Anyway, let’s pretend these are real mice. Neither of us would set mouse traps because that’s cruel. When we find dead mice that our cats have killed, I dispose of them because that kind of thing doesn’t gross me out. It doesn’t gross him out either but he doesn’t want to deal with it as much as I do.

I like that, @Simone_De_Beauvoir. None of the women I have lived with have been willing to set traps or dispose of dead mice. They always call me to do that. I don’t mind doing it, but I do mind that they didn’t see it as their job.

@wundayatta Okay, but in this society, why would they think it their job? If they follow what they’ve been taught?

I dispose of most of the mice in my house now that Milo has turned into a lazy, senior cat. It is easy. Either I catch them in Havaharts, where disposal is easy,
Or if I find a corpus undelecti, I pick it up with one of these and toss it into the woods.

MIlo thinks that makes me hot.

Yes

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well that, more than anything, frustrates me about sexual type casting. How did that become the man’s job? Why are the women I meet so universally of this opinion? The only exceptions are the animal lovers and the woodsy and matter of fact ones.

Why would they not think it is their job? Well, I guess I expect feminists to have a different expectation of themselves. I expect them to rise above using their sex as a way to get out of a distasteful task. But it’s worse than that. They seem to have this visceral fear of mice, which I assume is culturally supported, not something innate to their sex.

It’s just plain silly. And I lose respect for them. I mean, I joke about it with my wife. I’m the great white hunter and all that. But it’s absurd. And there will come a time when I’m not around to take out dead mice. Or even set traps to catch them. What will they do then? Hire an exterminator? No doubt. Oh. Guess the sex of the exterminator? Yep. A woman.

”…but in this society, why would they think it their job? If they follow what they’ve been taught?”

Exactly. The brainwashing starts earlier.

It can be undone. While I was married, I always insisted that my husband do the chores that made me squeamish; viz; dead mice, live mice, clogged toilets, etc.

When I started to live alone, I simply did them myself.

@wundayatta Look, I know it’s frustrating. It extends into everything, issues far more serious than who can catch mice. What can I tell you? Raise your kids differently.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir You don’t think I haven’t tried? I don’t know why it hasn’t worked. Maybe because my wife and I are not on the same page, but my daughter is taking on my wife’s feelings and my son isn’t squeamish. At first, I made a special effort to include my daughter in the activities and I thought I was going to make a difference. But after a while, she just shut me down.

Well, we’ll see. It will be many more years, I hope, and things can change again. As @gailcalled suggests, necessity might change things.

And of course there are many more serious issues—issues so subtle that you might not really see them without getting a PhD in the field. Most of us are just flying by the seat of our pants. I hope you have better luck with your kids than I seem to be having with mine.

No. I think we’re having some success—at least with my son, if not my daughter. Everyone says he is sweet and loving, and at age 13, those are not words you often hear associated with a boy.

@wundayatta It’s all a journey, I agree. Be forgiving of your mistakes.

I watch him when he is doing something or has his back to me and invariably think Damn that guy is good looking. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to anyone other than him.

@wundayatta I really, really like your initial response. Have you ever read the first volume of Proust’s In Search of Lost Time? It’s called Swann’s Way and within it is a standalone novella called “Swann in Love” that describes the whole arc of Swann’s love for Odette (falling into and then out of) and is the pattern for the novel as a whole. Your response reminds me of the story, and I highly recommend it as a read.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, I can’t answer that well without getting into a long, and likely boring, explanation. The quick answer is that I have seen the type of woman he desires and while there is a variety of “looks”, my body and facial types are not represented anywhere within that set. When I asked what I can do to change to possibly be part of that group, his answer was “nothing,” followed by a brief list of attributes that are not possible for me. Then he goes on with the b.s. answer of how I’m beautiful on the inside and blah blah blah. Great, right? It still leaves me feeling like I’m not a “whole” woman for him. I hope that was succint enough.

@wundayatta – For the record, in our house, whoever comes across the mouse in the trap first is the one who disposes of it. I don’t set them because I don’t have the finger strength. I tried once and almost took off a thumb.

@wundayatta I will dispose of dead mice (although I will never kill them, I think it’s cruel and don’t have any need to kill them but when we had a cat, he was always bringing them in) and pick up live spiders and set them free!

We’ve never had to kill a mouse, but I’m deathly afraid of roaches, especially the big ones with wings that we have down here. I refuse to get close enough to one to kill it, so my husband (or whoever else is around me) does it. It’s “his job” because I’m afraid of them, not because I’m a woman. I’m the same way with bees, especially wasps. I’ll kill a spider, no problem, as long as it’s not huge.

@livelaughlove21 You can get away with that because in our society it is acceptable for women (or at least tolerated) to be “deathly afraid” of roaches. Imagine what the reaction would be if a man said that? How would you feel if your boyfriend said that?

Perhaps there are men who might say they are deathly afraid of roaches, but even if you didn’t say it, you would suspect most people would be thinking that’s really gay. As in unmanly.

No one should be afraid of having to dispose of a roach. They are unhealthy creatures, just like mice. They carry diseases. But in my house, and in your house and in many houses, they are the man’s job. Why? No particular reason. Is fear of roaches built into the X chromosome somehow? I doubt it.

@tedibear It was. And I would feel like you do. I’m sorry.

@wundayatta I wouldn’t think a guy that is afraid of a bug was gay – and I also don’t think “gay” is synonymous with “unmanly”. I know a guy who is terribly afraid of spiders and, no, I don’t think he’s a wuss, unmanly, gay, or anything else. I wasn’t aware that being afraid of a bug was a homosexual quality.

And I’m more than aware that there’s no reason to be afraid of a roach. Phobias aren’t known for being logical.

My husband doesn’t mind killing big disgusting bugs, but I do. So, he kills them. It has nothing to do with the fact that he has a penis and I don’t.

I don’t like roaches,, but I really get creeped out by centipedes. But that’s another topic. I am the angel of death for mice/vermin and insects around the house. I wouldn’t have my wife handle the chemicals. I think that started out during our childbearing years and has carried on over the years. We have grown old together and she is as beautiful to me as she was 30 some years ago when we met. I don’t know how long this menopause thing is supposed to last, but she does keep throwing her bankets on me during the night. Maybe trying to share the heat experience.

I don’t think the bug thing has anything to do with gender. My grandma for example is the main bug killer in her house (and my grandpa is still there to). If she sees a little foreign intruder, regardless of what it is, she will squish it in a heartbeat. As far as me and my SO, we both hate roaches and bugs and other things, but my SO kills them because I don’t like squishing bugs. The thought of getting dead bug guts off of objects (like my shoes) disgusts me, so he kills them. In fact, he’s the type where if he knows there is a bug in the house, he cannot sleep and will hunt until he finds it lol. If I wasn’t scared of them, I’d handle it. We also have lizards down here. He hates the things but I personally have zero problem with catching them when they get in the house. I think it just depends on the individual. Plenty of people are afraid of stuff like that, not just women. Plus, I know men that are scared of spiders and whatnot. It doesn’t make them “gay” or “unmanly” though. As long as they are able to handle a bug issue if they are alone then it’s okay. I’m personally a fan of spraying bugs with bleach or household cleaner. They die and I avoid squishing lmao

Bugs are bugs. Squish ‘em with my bare hands, provided they’re not the pointy or poisonous sort. Then, I’m also the first to jump at the chance to skin a snake and cook it for dinner for the shiggles. I also like corsets and liquid eyeliner.

So there you go. Yay, UberFemme.

I like you, @Seek_Kolinahr , but I think I have to keep you away from my husband. LOL

I love you, @cazzie, but no offense and frankly, one that I can’t get rid of is trouble enough. ^_^

I like men to be men, if I wanted a women I would go date one.

I am currently gibing my hubby about his long hair. His mother and father mentioned it this Christmas as well. He looks like a homeless version of 1980’s Robert Plant (a bit like this… http://www89.homepage.villanova.edu/anthony.faranda/images/plant.jpg) . Not a good look right now. He seldom shaves and I’m not a big fan of that either and has cultivated a very messy pair of ‘porkchop’ sideburns to boot. Good news is that he leaves often and for long periods of time. Looks like he may be off to China next week before he has to go back to Rio for 6 weeks, so I don’t have to spend too much time looking at him.

(But I do kid. when he can be bothered to clean himself up, he is damn hot. Sexy, even.)

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Thank you for understanding what I mean. Too many times I’ve been chided for not being grateful that he thinks I’m wonderful on the inside. I am grateful. The people who have said those things don’t get that I want to be wonderful all the way around.

@tedibear Oh I’d never chide you over that. I was trying hard not to be more angry in my response. I consider his response totally unfair.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir In his defense, I did ask him to tell me and I did give him a “pass.” As in I would never throw his response in his face. Which I haven’t. So I take some of the responsibility because I asked. I’m interested in what you think in his response was unfair, but I don’t want to use up this thread. If you have time, feel free to PM me. If not, that’s okay – I know you’re busy!

@tedibear I’ll pm you.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir and @wundayatta ‘s little side conversation about ‘male tasks’ and ‘female tasks’ reminds me of a scene from a Woody Allen film. A spider is in the bathtub, she screams and eventually he disposes of it, but then comments, ‘Women! They’ll wax their pubic hair off, but they are afraid to kill a tiny spider? How does that make sense?... (or something similar to that…) True.. so true.

@cazzie Oh hell fucking no, I will not wax my pubic hair off! My eyebrows? Sure. Upper lip? Fine. Anything else that involves ripping hair out? Put the wax down and back away slowly, dammit!

I will kill spiders, though. I’ll scream the whole time and will use my husband’s shoe over my own, but I will kill them if they’re in my house.

^ I use Hubby’s shoes, too. I’ll use my hand before I get bug guts on my Stilettos.

Quick question, y’all – why are you killing the spiders at all? Spiders are our friends; they keep the much more annoying flying bug population in check. Next time you guys find a spider you don’t want in your house, mail her to me, I could use a few more around the place.

I release spiders outside, except for potentially poisonous ones (they seem to outnumber the goodies here in Florida) and Longlegs – because I haven’t figured out how to not kill them in transit.

What I smash are Palmetto bugs. Nasty stinkin’ buggers.

Do Earwigs have any useful place in the environment. I Hates them my precious.

@Seek_Kolinahr I didn’t know that about Florida spiders! I will be watchful while here in Orlando for the next few days.

@wildpotato I kill spiders because they bite me all the time. I’m not even close to kidding! I get anywhere from 10–50 spider bites per year. Most of the time it’s wolf spiders getting me (even though people claim wolf spiders don’t bite), but I’ve been bitten by several other types as well, so I just kill ‘em all. I had a talk with the local Spider Lord and told him they can have the yard, but my house and patio are off limits. If one of his little minions breaks the rules, they’re dead!

Wolf spiders bite. And they like to breed in the air vents of my bathroom.

That was a long 5 hours of baby spider squishing, I tell you what.

OMG, the babies are the worst! They skitter everywhere at 50 MPH and I scream until the last one has been exterminated. I once woke my husband up around midnight when I caught a mommy spider attempting to infiltrate my home. He followed the screaming and caught me doing an awkward dancehop thing by the garage door.

Yeah. I woke up one morning and there were about a thousand of them all over the place, and they just kept coming. Good thing I’m not the squeamish type, or I’d have had a heart attack.

@Seek_Kolinahr You must have a different definition of squeamish than I do. If you weren’t squeamish, you would ignore the spiders and they would all disappear.

Eleventy billion baby spiders all over my toilet? I will concede that puts me a touch out of the zone of comfort.

Spiders i’m okay with, it’s dive bombing moths & bastard wasps I can’t abide.

@Seek_Kolinahr If you close the door and go out and have a latte or something, they will be gone when you get back. Or a little while thereafter. Hint—leave the light on.