What is the strangest way you have injured yourself?

Lasagna. Cooking in general, but almost always with lasagna. I tend to forget that you should pull stuff out of the oven before lifting up so I get burned a lot.

Haha, cutting myself with Kellogg’s and chips happens way too often! I also get them between my teeth and into my gums which hurts a lot!

Other than that I can only think of this one time I was cutting my toe nails and I accidentally cut a bit too much and it started bleeding all over the place (luckily I was in the shower).

Took a soccer ball to the chest so hard that it split open the skin. I still have the scar. Sports were mandatory at my school.

I once pulled a muscle in my back while taking my shirt off while lying down. It hurt so bad I couldn’t continue what I was doing to begin with. ;)

Holding a polystyrene container with smoked ribs, and slicing it with my dads knife. How was I to know I would practically cut through the container and lob off most of my finger. I screamed, I span, blood spurted and sprayed like a paint gun around the room. Hit the walls and dripped horrifically to the floor. My dad, walked in circles mumbling in shock.

I ran to the kitchen grabbed a cloth, the floor and sink were covered in blood. Yes, all true. loll.

Stabbed myself in the skin between two fingers when I was trying to cut a piece of sugar cane.

Got a bone-bruise on my thigh walking into the corner of a metal park bench just this recent November. Not too weird, except the reason I walked into the park bench was a classmate was trying to talk to me way too close inside my comfort zone. She kept putting her face inches from mine and I kept looking at her and backing away until… I backed up a bit too far and toppled over that park bench.

She laughed and said, “Oh, I do things like that all the time.” I wanted to punch her because I never do things like that. The bruise hurt like hell for 3 weeks.

Boundaries, lady… boundaries!!

I jumped off a truck, my trousers stuck on some kind of hook, my right leg hit the undercarriage and severed the Achilles tendon, then my pants ripped and dropped me six feet to the concrete floor. Is that strange enough?

[NSFW] I won’t call this an injury persay, but this was strange and extremely painful. My wife decided to give me a blowjob with Pop Rocks in her mouth. She’s done this twice. The first time was with a condom, the second time was without. It actually feels interesting and quite good, but for the sake of your man, don’t ever (and I mean ever) do this to your man without a condom.

The second time my wife did this, we did this without a condom and I had Pop Rocks travel into my uretha and explode, which is not pleasant. Not that I’ve had this happen, but I imagine it would be something like having ants go into your uretha and start biting you.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal Ouch! I literally cringed while reading that. I can’t imagine it feeling good with the condom either – that’s a thin piece of latex and pop rocks even hurt my mouth from time to time, so I can’t even imagine…

I know someone that went down on his wife with pop rocks in his mouth and my first reaction (well, after ‘ouch!’) was that that’s a yeast infection waiting to happen.

The only different thing I’ve tried during a blowjob is flavored lube. Sticky and disgusting. I’ll stick to au naturale. :)

That reminds me of another pain story. Trojan Fire & Ice Condoms? Pure torture! I had to stop him in the middle because it was burning my insides up. His response, “oh thank god!”. No good, no good. That box made it into the trash can real quick.

@livelaughlove21 Yes. Unfortunately my wife wants to try the Fire & Ice ones as well. I keep telling her that we will try that if she so desires (and unfortunately we will) if she remembers to remind me next time we’re at the store.

Hopefully she will keep forgetting while we’re someplace that sells them. I sure as hell won’t remind her.

^^^Persay?

I broke a toe with frozen chicken. Seriously. A ziplock of frozen chicken breasts fell, hit the tip of my foot and a few toes, just at the right angle, and broke my big toe.

As a 25-year old, I was in a ski class with a bunch of nine-year olds. The instructor had us do a kick-turn (back in the day of very long skis). With one ski facing east and the other west, I fell over them and broke my ankle.

I threw my back out trying to stay on the toilet.

I was going to the bathroom when sick; I had a really bad cough from a severe cold. While sitting doing my business I started to cough violently while my my muscles were tensed while shitting. Trying to do everything at once all of a sudden my back muscles started to twinge. Hurt like hell, and then trying to reach to the side to get the toilet paper was excruciating.

The whole morning was miserable.

I can’t think of anything for me at the moment, but my sister once cracked her thumbnail halfway down the nail while trying to open a pistachio. Yes, you read that right, a pistachio. We now refer to this heartbreaking condition as “pistachio thumb.”

My handbag strap got caught around my feet and I fell out of a parked mini and broke my arm.

I am always getting cut on the silliest thing, like trying to open plastic wrapped packages or even twist the top off the milk jug, my hand slips and I get sliced.

The worst injury was a few years back, I didn’t realize I was allergic to the baby wipes we were using, and I was using them for personal wipes for myself. My skin started peeling between my legs and also on my fingers (which was embarrassing to say the least) and it took me three months of misery to figure out what was causing it.

I kept telling my dermatologist I wasn’t using any kind of cleaning liquid or product that could be causing it. They thought it might be a yeast infection and gave me Cephalexin, which I had a terrible allergic reaction to. My whole body broke out in a bright red rash and I lit up like a Christmas tree.

I asked the dermatologist for something to fight the severe outbreak of flakes on my head, and she gave me a prescription for some shampoo that ended up making half my hair fall out and the few strands that were left turned a beautiful shade of silver. It started growing back in that same silver for a couple of years, but now it’s all back to the salt and pepper it was before the event.

I find it very annoying because I seem to be constantly stabbing my tongue and cheeks with my teeth.

@Bellatrix I imagine you injured your dignity somewhat as well.

@Adagio I certainly did. My dignity was damaged further by having the doctor at the hospital keep asking if I had been drinking. “Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?” It was a Saturday morning! It was such a stupid accident. I hadn’t had a drop. Not even the night before. My body left the vehicle, my feet stayed in with the strap wrapped around my ankles and I landed on the road on my elbows.

Went to take a jumping shot in basketball during 7th grade PE, missed the shot, landed on some kid’s foot and sprained my ankle. 10 years ago and I’m still a little embarrassed about it.

Couple of ways. I tried to take the plastic perforated part off of a new makeup brush I bought and completely broke my nail. Um normally though I injure myself just by walking. I run into boxes and doorways when I’m rounding corners. I hit cabinets, etc. I get it from my mom lol.

Those are my common injuries. I have two in my “funniest” category. First one, I was in my brother’s room at night and we were playing video games. Most of the lights were off except for the kitchen one so we decided to run to the kitchen to get something to drink. Next to his room was the guest room, which also had the lights off. As we ran out of his room, apparently my dad was hiding in the guest room and he jumped out and roared. Since we were running when he scared us, we both screamed, tripped, and fell over each other in the middle of the hallway. Lmao I got serious rugburn from that.

Second: First year on campus, we had bunkbed type rooms. The bed was up high and the desk was underneath. I have long arms so typically when my alarm clock on my desk went off, I would just reach down and grab it to turn it off. One morning, I was really sleepy and reached over and fell off of my high bed to the floor. When I say high, it’s pretty darn high. Here’s a picture: http://www.housing.gatech.edu/assignments/undergraduate_reshalls_detail.cfm?BldgID=108

So yeah. Big ass bruise on my leg. I guess this was just crazy because I don’t bruise easily

A friend of mine broke a toe while kicking a balloon.
One time I came around a corner at work, and a creepy guy was sitting right there, a few inches away from where I was about to walk. So I suddenly “changed course,” without thinking about the counter that juts out into that space. I banged my shoulder and my back against this corner, especially hard because I was moving quickly (both because I was in a hurry and because I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible). I didn’t really let on to the pain right away, right there, but as soon as I got back to my cash register, I just about cried. Oh, did that hurt. >.<

When I was about 8 years old I fell out of a tree and broke my arm.

Repeating myself: While out on my deck at night one mild evening in May in the dark, I was looking for a comet and had binocs. up to my eyes. I backed off the steps and knocked myself unconscious
.
I broke 2 ribs, twisted a rotator cuff, showed evidence of an old subdural hematoma, broke a vital bone in my ear, and was covered in enough large bruises for the hospital to suspect that I had been beaten by a disgruntled husband or boyfriend.

Running backwards, I broke my wrist.

Oh I just remembered an even more stupid self-induced injury. It was the weekend my now husband presented me with my engagement ring. He told me we were going to go out for a meal at a very special restaurant (I didn’t know about the ring). The children were going to be away so we were planning a romantic weekend and I wanted to look lovely and organised for my waxing lady to visit. She didn’t close the front gate when she left and my dog escaped and ran into the property over the road. I asked my daughter to help me capture him (he was quite clever at evading us).

We waited by the neighbour’s gate, one on either side of the two meter span, until the dog decided he would come to us. I said to my daughter (who hadn’t yet left to go out for the weekend) “when he comes through we need to leap on him or he will run off down the street”. Out he came. I leaped to rugby tackle him – missed – and landed face down in the dirt. I also sprained the ankle on my right leg, broke the big toe on my left. The dog, realising he was in deep shit, loped across the road and into our garden. My daughter did not leap. She just stood there laughing.

I made it home on pure adrenalin because I wanted to kill the dog (he is fine, I couldn’t hobble fast enough to catch him before I calmed down). My partner had to wheel me around in a typist chair for the weekend and the booking at the wonderful restaurant was cancelled. I still got the ring!

The LOL stories above reminded me of the day I was walking to work during a particularly bad time in my life, and I saw a rainbow. As I was looking up, enjoying that bit of happiness, I tripped over a curb and sprained my ankle. It didn’t ruin the moment though.

I stepped on a rake and it smashed me on the side of my face. Hurt like hell, but thank God I didn’t break anything! Just got this massive bruise near my cheek and chin area and a bruise underneath my eye. Talk about lucky!