What troubles, tribulation, or problem you can’t get beyond?

Not a particular problem or issue that has a story, (at least none that I feel like being more than vague about) but I hate being humiliated, either by someone, or by my own hand, accidentally. I’m not a proud person or nothing, and I don’t really care about image or social stature or whatever, and anyways that particular ’‘problem’’ doesn’t extend into any of those subjects to any point that might actually be important. At least not on a grand scale.

I guess nobody likes this much, but being mortified is a terrible feeling, and any time it has happened to me, no matter how long ago, still traumatizes me, even if I’ll never see the people present at whatever incident I have in mind. Even if it’s all over, just thinking about some stuff makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. XD And there will probably be more moments like it in my life. Now I realize all that is normal; humiliation and embarrassment, I know it’s a part of life. But as your question asks, it’s something I just can’t get over.

I’ve never been humiliated in a way that is psychologically OR physically hazardous to my life, at least not to any degree that impedes a normal life. Like I was never some civilian shit kicked by my country’s military. I realize all that shit. I probably have to grow up, is all. But if I do say so myself, I’m not all THAT damn ignorant. Some shit I just can’t get over. I hate being laughed at, I hate making stupid mistakes and once I was in a play, and I accidentally broke some equipment of front of everyone. Haha. I hate being the butt of a joke, I hate my privacy being invaded and I hate tripping in public. It’s all normal yes, but this type of shit affects me for ages. It’s the type of shit I will forcibly block out of my mind if I’m trying to sleep, and it creeps up. And I can think about ANYTHING. But not any of the times where I felt humiliated. Sometimes I even start singing in my head to push the thoughts away if they come, or start doing breathing exercises. Lol. Doesn’t mean I CAN’T think about it. I mean, I am NOW. But sometimes, I just can’t.
I have absolutely no idea why it is I cannot deal with this kind of stuff. Which makes me wonder how come I became an alcoholic, when all it serves is to say stupid ass shit to people lol.

Well I’ve already rehashed this to death on Fluther, and that alone shows that I’ve had issues getting past it. My illness. It hasn’t helped that there has been a pretty steady stream of new problems for quite a few years. Like, just when I accept things, they change. And I guess maybe it was extra hard because it was a time of life that’s already supposed to be difficult (puberty/teens).

I wouldn’t say I can’t get beyond it, though. I’m in a really good place these days. In hindsight, I can recognize the five stages of grief in my past mindsets, and I feel I might finally be at acceptance. I feel that whatever happens to me externally (to a reasonable level) I can deal with it internally. It feels good to be here. It’s been a long battle though, and I’m not naive enough to think it’s totally over, either.

My issue for the last six years is that I think my son deserves better. He married for the wrong reasons, mainly he felt sorry for her and thought he could help her learn how to be a better person.

I won’t let myself get started here with what he has to put up with. Let’s just say that I’m glad I get to have the kids on weekends and holidays, to give both of them a break.

I just can’t keep a relationship going. One woman tells me I’m a Momma’s boy. Another tells me I never got over my father’s death. Another says I have anger problems. Yet another says I don’t know how to express my feelings. One therapist said I keep inviting the wrong women into my life because I don’t think I deserve a relationship.

Frankly, I don’t think anyone knows what they are talking about. Sometimes, you just get unlucky and it’s always for a different reason. It doesn’t mean there’s some fatal flaw in my character or something. At least, I hope not.

formula that’s not statisfied