Are you ever "political" when asked, "How was it?"?

Oh, I usually tell the truth, unless as you say, my boss is asking…lol

To “How’s is going?” most of the time I reply “Living the dream!”

We want and need to be positive, especially in the workplace, so it’s a tiny little white lie that hurts no one.

@KNOWITALL Just a little white lie? I think it’s actually much more important than that. I think we must always be selling ourselves to the boss. That’s the nature of capitalism. Never let down your guard, and never admit that things aren’t totally under control. And if they are out of control, it’s someone else’s fault.

But there are plenty of areas where it is an open matter. How did the conference go? Oh, it went great. How are they going to find out otherwise? Likely, you’re the only one who will give them the feedback, and if anyone else does, they will want to make it sound successful, too. We are locked in a mutual reinforcing battle to make ourselves look good, and our bosses need us to look good as much as we want to look good.

I have another story.

Thirty years ago I was working at a hot nuke plant on a retrofit to the plant. When nuclear power plants are down, the cost in lost revenue is calculated in terms of thousands of dollars per minute of lost power generation. Downtime is a major event, and every hour is therefore precious.

We were involved in a retrofit that would save the plant days of downtime for each refueling, which typically occurs once a year and can take upwards of a week and a half. So the plant owners were spending big money to us on something that was expected to save them bigger money year after year. But ours was a first-of-a-kind installation, so therefore unproven except in mock-ups. We were really under a watchful eye. (Especially because our installation was costing about a week of downtime all by itself.)

Our project manager was a charming, educated, affable Southern gentleman who was also smart as hell and one of the developers of the new technology. His team in Tennessee had also developed the jigs and tools we were using, which had also not been used by field boilermakers on a hot nuke. So there was a lot of pressure. Then the tools started to break. The piping we were modifying wasn’t “exactly” as it was shown on the drawings, so we had to take time to modify the jigs and test the fit, and then modify the tooling, too. The boilermakers were objecting to some of the work they were being asked to do, and some of them became claustrophobic (because the work had to be done inside the primary piping and steam generator), and all of these things were causing our costs to increase and our schedule to drag on longer each day.

On top of this, Tom, the project director, was feeling ill. Nevertheless, each day we had to walk into the plant offices, through all of the cubicles and hallways, to get to the meeting room to be beaten up again by the owners, he would invariably smile and answer, “Marvelous!” to everyone in the plant (since everyone knew him and seemed to want to be his friend) who would greet him and ask casually, “How are you doing, Tom?”

I asked him about that once, when we were walking alone across the parking lot to our construction trailer after a particularly brutal meeting, after the previous night shift operation had ground to a complete halt and we had been half-murdered by the owners. “Tom, I know you’re feeling lousy, and the job is in the shitter – and everyone else knows that, too – so why do you use that word to answer people’s questions?” I’ve never forgotten what he told me.

“Some of those people are really my friends, and I don’t want to burden them with a sob story. But some of them… some of them are surely not my friend, and I’m not giving them ammunition!”

Very much. I never confess to colleagues or customer prospects – I only ever answer positively when asked “How’s it going?”

Case in point, a couple of weeks ago I had a major breast cancer scare.
I had a noticeably large (and painful) breast lump that my OB/GYN felt sure was cancer – not a lipoma. My OB pulled some strings and a breast surgeon fit me in right away for an appointment..so I knew (based on how fast things were moving and how a spot was “opened up” for me on his schedule which was otherwise months out for an appt.) that something was “not good.”
At the ultrasound/biopsy appointment the surgeon instead diagnosed a really rare (but benign!) disease. I was so glad that I’d said NOTHING about any of this to anyone I worked with.. and I didn’t have to cancel my flights for a customer trip that was 48hrs. after my biopsy appt.
Sure, I knew I’d have to say something if and when I was checked into the hospital about to undergo surgery and chemo but I was determined to answer every conference call with: “Doing well, thanks, and you?” right up until I had to cancel flights & meetings because I was in a hospital bed.

On the other hand, I have a coworker who I consider a friend..and once I ran into her just outside our offices. I asked her how she was doing and she answered frankly: “Actually, not so good.” She went on to explain that she’d had headaches/pain and after CT and MRI the doctors were saying at BEST case she had a terrible infection behind her sinus cavity that would require surgery to irrigate, worst case, what they were seeing was a tumor there.
Her story had a happy ending (outpatient procedure and heavy duty antibiotics for the unusual infection) – but I really respected her candor and didn’t feel burdened..just extra compassionate towards her. So..maybe in the right circumstances it’s OK to be honest and not just give the glib (I’m fine, and you?) answer…

@CWOTUS That is an excellent story. GA. I feel that way, too. They can find ammunition on their own, but I should never make it easy for them to hurt me.

@geeky_mama Also GA! I find this really interesting that we use these tactics at work. Do you remember when you learned this idea that it might be necessary to keep things like this a secret? Or is this just a case by case decision?

Nope – he could always tell. :-)

Unless asked specific questions by someone who cares, I answer positively. “How are you?” is one of those greetings that are not supposed to be answered negatively. Few people expect the whole truthful answer whether it’s positive or negative.

I thought this was gonna be an NSFW conversation: “How was it for you, baby?”

I don’t like saying things are great when they’re not. If things aren’t going well, I might just say, “No major complaints,” or “Could be better, could be worse,” for example.

Thank god, I pick jobs where I don’t have to pretend or pay politics.

If the “project” is sex, then the only answer is, “It was fabulous.”

The worse sex I’ve ever had was fantastic.

Noone wants to know the truth if they are going to hear a hard luck story. They reeeeeeally don’t.

I would be surprised if there were any job where you don’t have to play politics. similarly, I question whether people can admit to not being on top of the world very often before other people start to think there’s something wrong with them

@wundayatta – I agree with you that I have yet to have a job where there weren’t at least some politics. Certainly all white collar/office jobs I’ve ever had have included political wrangling or at least presenting a particular outward image (healthy, positive/upbeat, & hardworking).
I’m not sure how/when I learned to keep things secret/to myself (esp. about health issues) – but I’m also a fairly anti-drama kind of person, so I also didn’t tell many friends/relatives either. (Only my husband & kids were in the loop..and the kids were spared any details/concerns—they just knew I had a lot of doctor’s appointments that week – and hence was unavailable at times to pick them up.)
I was also raised with family that frequently repeated my grandmother’s favorite saying: “Your confession is your possession”...which is to say – if you say everything is wonderful, it will be. (Yeah, an denial isn’t just a river in Egypt..but hey, it works for Grandma..she’s in her late eighties and still kicking. Your mileage may vary.)