Is there anyone else who is made uncomfortable by sympathy?

Just experience it.

Think about giving sympathy, what you mean by it when you give it, what you would like back from someone else.

It all depends on whether someone is being sympathetic, or treating me like a sad child. It’s not sympathy as much as whether there is empathy.

When someone is “sympathetic” I thank them and then discount the incident to end the conversation.

I am right there with you, it’s like “no, don’t be sorry, fix it”...especially if management. Super annoying.

This is a stereotypically male-female thing. Tell your problems to a woman, and she’ll listen to you and let you know that she cares; you’re venting, and she’s your sounding-board. Give your tales of woe to man, and he’ll offer solutions and tell you how to fix things.

I know what you mean though it’s kind of hard to focus on why exactly I don’t want it at certain times. But yes, there are times when I get very annoyed when someone offers me sympathy. Usually it’s over something that’s not a big deal at all.

One of my most uncomfortable moments involving sympathy I had a hard time handling was when my dad died many years ago. He had been in the hospital for weeks, quite ill and going through lots of up’s and down’s, and all my co-workers knew I was doing a lot of inter-city travel to spend time with him. While on one of these trips, he suddenly died, and when I got back to the office a week or so later, one of my co-workers stopped me in the hall and cheerfully said, “Hey, I hope your dad is feeling better,” to which I had to reply, “He died.” The look that crossed his face and the seconds that ticked by between those words and his sympathetic reply were agonizing.

It used to really annoy me when people I would write emails to would write “hugs” or something like that when I had written them about something that made them feel sorry for me. I really didn’t like people feeling sorry for me. It felt patronizing. Like i was a little kid. I wanted to lash out at them, and all they wanted was to make me feel better.

I guess I see it as only a demonstration of weakness on my part would get someone to feel sympathy for me, and I didn’t want to be weak. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I want them to admire me, instead.

I don’t know what to do with my discomfort. Partly I try not to show it in the first place, or I show it in such a way that there is no room for sympathy. Like, I’m bipolar. People could feel sorry for me about that, but I try to take responsibility for being the best person I can be, no matter what is in my way. I don’t use it as an excuse for my behavior. It may be a reason, but it’s not to excuse what I have done.

I have done some things because of the way my mind works that other people don’t approve of. I don’t ask you to excuse me because I am sick. If you want to forgive me because I think I am doing the best I can to survive, I’d appreciate it. If not, then we do what we have to. I will not apologize. I will not expect you to accept me. We’ll just have to go different ways. But don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t deserve it and I don’t expect to get away with anything. But if I can persuade you that what I do makes sense, all I ask is you let me know that.

Well no wonder no one shows caring anymore.

I appreciate sympathy when that is what I am seeking.
I never appreciate pity, and I’ve gotten it pretty often for being a type 1 diabetic, and occasionally for being trans. To me, “Oh, I’m so sorry ” sounds like “I’m so lucky that I don’t have to deal with that.”

@bookish1 You changed your avatar??!!?

falls to the ground sobbing

I can give sympathy but can’t take it. I thank them and exit as fast as possible or if I am quick on my feet that day redirect or use humor.

It is not that I don’t appreciate the function. I just have no idea how to handle it.

@shippy Our beloved @bookish1 has morphed from his handsome self into Mr. Spock. It must be something about the new “Star Trek” movie.

@Shippy: Yesh, I have been changing it every 1000k. I didn’t know you fancied Brian Molko so much!

@SadieMartinPaul: That wasn’t me. I am a beau mec too but I won’t be putting up a picture of myself on here anytime. And there’s a new Star Trek movie? I need to get out more…

Take that back I can handle it from a handful of people.

I think it is worth it to learn. Because of the validation process, if the issue is worth it that is.

However if I are complaining about something for the umpteenth time (especially if obsessed or this is a problem that has reached the year + mark, unless I am actually doing something about it) about the same exact problem.. well slap me real good verbally or otherwise cuz I need to stop skipping in place.

Oh wow, @bookish! I just change mine whenever never thought about an actual strategy…. Good idea… hrm… I was mad @Shippy when she changed her tugboat, although I can understand the feeling of growing out of something and into something else.

@rosehips, I miss @Shippy‘s adorable tugboat too. But she’s got some pretty sweet guns now ;)

No. No. No. Please no hijacking. Back to sympathy please. Or have sympathy for me. It’s a topic I care about.

I’m right there with you, sympathy makes me feel very uncomfortable. I hate to complain and in the off chance that I do talk about something negative that’s happened to me, it’s not because I’m looking for sympathy or pity but because I want help finding a solution. Needless to say, I deal with my own problems myself and do all I can to find my own solutions before I can even entertain the thought of asking for help.

Simple displays of sympathy, yea I guess I do find it uncomfortable. Like: “Oh I’m so sorry.” or something like that.

But profound sympathy, like a well thought comment or legitimate sympathetic assistance.. that just hits the spot.

Either way, I’m ultimately grateful for the gesture. But one is definitely easier to handle than the other.

^^I have the hots for @bookish1 anywhich way he comes. heehaw!! shoots into the air

Not at all. If anything I am uncomfortable with the gross LACK of genuine concern and engagement of others. This is why my friendship pool has shrunken to a mere muddy drip the size of a raindrop the last few years. I have officially reached the stage of life where I have zero desire to only “relate” on the level of superficial chit chat.

I am a very warm and engaging type that has a true gift for making others feel heard and valued, I rarely receive the same in return.
Most people cannot even fake it, let alone be genuine, self absorbtion has reached critical mass for most of humanity IMO.
Most people have the charisma and social skills of a hard boiled egg.

@Shippy Get in line girlfriend, that little book has become a best seller around here
lol

Oh @Coloma! A hard boiled egg? I suppose that’s a great tag line, but I don’t find it as bad as all that. Not at all. I think you are more of a hermit than you make out. It’s ok. You can choose to be a hermit. Don’t have to blame it on the attributes of others. Even if you are just joking.

@wundayatta Well, I am a quality over quantity type, and I call it being true to self.
I’m not blaming nor joking, just sharing that I have come to prefer my own company to unrewarding interactions.
I want to soar with the eagles not sit on a rooftop coo cooing with pigeons. lol
Good for me! :-D

@Coloma You sound like a delicious lunch for one of those cougars. (I am joking).

@wundayatta Joke away. I joke about that too.
Lucky cougar to catch me nekkid in the hot tub, I could feed a cougar family of 4 for a week at least, figure about 35 lbs. of meat for each. haha

Wait…minus 13lbs. for my hard head. lol