Toughest year of marriage?

Honestly?

Every year has been the hardest – and the best. Marriages take a lot of work.

Interestingly though in the worst of times (deaths in family etc.) we have pulled together more.

The last.

I have always heard the first year, but that was before people were living together. Now, who knows? The hardest year may never come.

@glial – damn, I wanted to say that! xD

It would have been around year #8 (out of 26 so far). We had just moved back to the States after several years living overseas; I was working long hours at a new job, while my wife was home all day with our 2 year old; my wife got pregnant with our second kid; and, to top it off, I started practicing Zen.

This was a huge dose of change for both of us, but it was all pretty devastating for her. She took my new religious interest as a sign that I was withdrawing from her somehow (I wasn’t), and she had no friends in this new place to lean on. Just the stress of dealing with the kid, and another on the way.

We weathered that one, though there are still a few buried scars there, I think.

Marriage is a continuum with cycles. What is a tough year for some may not be for others depending on what else is going on in the couple’s lives. For us, it was year four after we had made a cross-country move, I was working 70 hours a week and hubby had not found work he liked. Some couples at the start-up I worked for (which was mostly single people) had affairs and split up. When I saw that happening, I knew I didn’t want that, and we talked and made a conscious effort to work on our marriage.

Then in year 22, my husband had a mid-life crisis. At the same time, my sister died. I really had no emotional reserves to deal with it, but he took a hard look and realized he wanted to stay married. We both worked on our marriage. Each time we have come through a crisis, our relationship is strengthened and more honest.

No marriage breezes along problem-free forever. Both parties have to be willing to hang in there and work it out. The rewards for that hard work are real intimacy and mutual respect to go with the love.

Thanks for the inspiration, Marina…just hit the one-year

Don’t forget about the “7 year itch”! Congrats on your first anniversary nocountry2 .

It might have been the twentieth. That was a long time ago.

Maybe I’m not the best advisor, but the worst year was the 8th year. That’s when we got divorced. The best years are the first two. Full of dreams, plans and energy. This, you have to keep up and it’s going to be a happy marriage. Also, communication and honesty is really important! Don’t dig a hole for your bad feelings. It’s going to surface at one time. Usually the worst time. Tell your husband often you love him and expect the same.
As I’m in the hotel industry, our saying applies to real life too: Treat him as you want to be treated!