What should you do if you want something more than you have ever wanted anything in your life and you can't have it?

Maybe consider that you can have it, but you aren’t willing to pay the price?

I’d pay my price in a second.

So what is it you want?

Be grateful for the things you do have…
I can’t come up with a more specific, non-trite answer because I don’t know your situation.
For what it’s worth, I had a big life-changing disappointment this year, having to give up on a dream really, and I am having to learn how to content myself with what I have. It still sucks though.

You determine if it is something you can realistically attain.
There are some things that no matter how hard you try, you will never attain.
Figure this part out and you will know your answer.

Well you can’t always get what you want. Hit it!!!

If at all possible, figure out a way to get it. Even if it will take years, those years will pass whether you pursue your desire or not, so you may as well be making progress toward the goal. If that’s just not feasible, you’ll have to acknowledge and mourn the ‘loss’. Grieve for it as you would any major loss, and move on when you are able. {hugs}

I’d change my life plan to something I can have.

Depends on what it is. If I really wanted to fly or have magic powers, I think the best thing would be to give it up because it’s most likely impossible. Or you could, of course, go into science and try to develop something that could make people fly. But it would be tough.

If it was a person, I’m not sure. If I really, really wanted this person, I think I would fight for it the best I could. Life is short, is what they say.

I wish the best for you.

I know couples who put themselves through hell trying to have kids. I’ve never been in that position, so I can’t quite understand how they persist despite the heartbreaks of failed attempts.

I did want to have more than one child, but never found myself in a financially and emotionally stable situation before my 35th birthday, so I had to mourn that window of opportunity closing on me.

These days I’m all about changing the interior to match the exterior when the reverse isn’t possible. I’ve spent wayyyy too long being pissed off about my circumstances, situations I didn’t have control over. If I can’t make the real world match what I want inside, then the only thing to be done is to stop being bitter and learn how to be okay with that. I’ve gotten pretty damn good at it too. Therapy helps.

I would change my attitude and persue the things and interests and people that I can have. It’s not worth my time or agony to keep wishing and hoping for things and people and situations that are not possible. It’s better to spend that time productively on those things that are attainable, it makes those things more enjoyable, rather than just backburner pursuits.

I would also say to think about the possible unmet need or desire that propels you towards that thing or person. Its a clue to something important that you aren’t getting enough of….or possibly not getting at all. Desire works as an intuitive compass. I want to be clear here that Im not speaking only of sexual attraction and desire. It could be an emotional need, an unacknowledged life goal or an existential void. Listen to what that has to tell you. Maybe the need can be met by something that is not impossible.

Wow, so much great advice on here!! I hope some of it is helpful to you, and thank you for asking the question.

[mod says] Original asker’s identity changed for privacy reasons.

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Such are the lives we lead. Caught among competing pressures—what we owe to family, to significant other, to children and to our own happiness. How can we do what’s right, when happiness would lead us to do things we don’t approve of or believe in? Who does that make us? How can we be good? Can we meet society’s demands when they keep us from being happy?

I have no answers. I think you just keep on going, and hope that something happens that will break the logjam. For example, although it’s not likely nor desirable, a war could come along and break up everything. They say that where there’s a will, there’s a way. Perhaps if you keep your intention in mind, and are patient, willing to wait for years, you will find yourself where you wanted to be without having to do anything bad to get there.

Or, you may decide you can’t wait, and that the cost in terms of what others think about you or even what you think about yourself is worth it in order to have what you really really want. We all have our own personal level of comfort with what we can do and still respect ourselves. Sometimes the need for what we really want changes that level of comfort and we find ourselves doing things we never imagined we would. There’s no telling. It all depends how badly you want it.

Probably the worst choice in this arena is when you must choose between one love and another. Someone will always end up getting hurt badly. But in some cases, two people end up getting hurt badly—when you choose the love that does not feed you the way the other love does.