Has anyone ever tried telling the truth about a shameful matter to see if the doctor lectures you? I have. No lectures. This is with both my doctor, the physician’s assistant and with a substitute doctor.
I think we read into expressions on their faces more than what they say. My doctor has deliberately not lectured me when he probably should have for fear I would avoid his advice. When I was getting mentally ill, he gave me a referral to a psychiatrist saying, only, that I “might” want to see one. He didn’t urge me to. He didn’t say it was important, although, it must have been very clear to him that I was in a good deal of trouble already.
I asked him why he didn’t make it more of an issue a year or two after hit happened, and he said that he’s had a lot of patients resist the advice and deliberately not go. So he tries to downplay it. And I can see this in his advice about exercise and diet, as well. He knows that lecturing doesn’t work. So he goes far in the opposite direction, with equal ineffectiveness.
It’s like telling your kids they aren’t listening when they don’t do what you say. They’re listening. They just don’t want to do what you say. It’s the same with doctors. When a doctor gives advice, we have this feeling we should do what they say or else what are we paying them for? But we don’t want to do what they say. A heart attack is too far away. It’s hard to see the connection between what we eat now and the heart attack in a few years.
Plus there are pills to take that keep the cholesterol down and the bp down. We are used to throwing pills at things or doing surgery instead of trying to take control with behavioral changes. Behavioral changes are the hardest to implement and we are ashamed of that. We live in a culture that believes you can do anything you want to if you just want to enough.
So being unable to change behavior is a failure of will. It is anti-American. And so both patients and doctors want to avoid bringing it up. We say we don’t want lectures. They say they don’t want to lecture. And between the two of us, we don’t deal with issue at all, except for drugs. We don’t even attempt to work out something realistic that might help make a behavior change we can live with.
My doctor gave me the numbers for weight watchers groups. Well, I had so many excuses. I don’t want to pay for help. I don’t want to discuss this with others. But the truth is that a support group is one of the most effective ways to make behavioral change. Everyone understands what you are going through. They don’t make you feel bad for being out of control. They support you when you make positive change.
I suspect we need support groups for all kinds of health change. Yet this, too, is anti-American. We don’t do things in groups. We do it alone. We are pioneers. It’s idiotic, this myth, but it is so prevalent and it keeps us from getting all kinds of help and it is probably a major reason why health outcomes in the US are so surprisingly bad compared to other first world countries. It would be interesting to do some research about that, anyway.