I don't understand this guy at all... Can someone help?

I betcha a gazillion dollars he is an ENTP personality.
Google ” ENTP”.
I should know, I am the female version and we are quite the rare birds.
Natural born comedians, a bit fickle in our immaturity, amazingly bright and often very misunderstood.

Look up ENTP’s and then reply again if this sounds like him. :-)

ENTP’s are the Geaorge Carlins & Robin Williams of the Meyers-Briggs typology.

One of you is making it too complicated. I can’t tell which.
@Coloma And I have been told I am ENTP in the Myers Briggs indicator, and I don’t see it. But if true that dude does not sound like me.

Welcome to Fluther.

You seem to be pretty observant, and if you like his joking around then it seems like you have a good sense of humor. (By the way, thanks for being such a careful writer, too.)

But if you’re going to be friends with him, and maybe more at some point, then this is a conversation you have to have with him. Does the sarcasm and “harshness” (as you put it) early in your conversations affect you (regardless of what you want to hide from him, perhaps)? How do you feel inside when he does that? Is it tending to drive you away or put you off?

Sarcasm will have that effect, and that may be his intent (whether he even realizes it or not). It’s one way that comedians and others have developed to fend off a sometimes-hostile world. If he’s not certain of your affection or good intentions, for example, he may be putting on a front, wittingly or not, designed to keep you at arm’s length.

I’d suggest having this conversation with him. Believe me, this conversation has been had with me before, and with good effect.

@CWOTUS The sarcasm actually sort of draws me to him more. It makes me want to try harder to get past his hard exterior, which it seems as though I’ve been managing to do? I don’t know, I don’t understand him. I have briefly asked him “How come you put on such a hard outer shell? You don’t have to, you know.” and he just responded with “It’s just who I am.”

@josie Well….it’s easy to mistype, nothing is set in stone, but often ENTP’s are jokers.
Maybe you are a hybrid. lol
@tashasudo It may be just who he is, but….if he is incapable of ever being serious, vulnerable and open, he is an immature/unhealthy version of who he is.

@Coloma He is capable of opening up, as I saw in the car that night. I think he’s just become so accustomed to his harsh outer shell that he’s not used to opening up, I don’t know.

I feel you just described my son. Some people take time to warm up in a group situation. It may be that after the other night, he may have some regret about letting you get close. He probably feels naked (his feelings) when you are around, since you know more than he has shared with anyone else. He may feel that you are being nice now out of pity.

Why don’t you tell him that you sincerely like him. It may help to lower his guard. After years of having his guard up, it is going to be difficult for him to put it back down. He may feel that he misread you the other night and he may feel foolish for opening up to someone who only sees him as a funny guy and nothing more. Least, that is what he may be thinking.

@Coloma That’s exactly what I thought when I read this. Or INTP. Sounds like my boyfriend, a lot…

@tashasudo He might just need to adapt. I’m dealing with a 6month long relationship now, where I am still trying to get used to some of the behaviors you’ve described. Whenever he comes to visit.. he’s kind of cold, until he settles in and gets comfortable. Give it some time if you like him – but definitely keep your eyes open. You don’t want him to think it’s okay to be mean to you, or make you feel unwelcome. He’s going to have to learn to open up.. and you’ll have to learn to accept it, without taking offense, if it take him a while to get there.

I also suggest looking into the profiles of ENTP and INTP. This has been a hot topic in my life as of late.. really interesting. Obviously don’t put too much stake in it, though. More out of curiosity and to possibly fill in the blanks where behaviors don’t make sense to you.

Good luck!

Sounds like the type of person you have to push the right buttons to be with successfully for a long-term relationship. Not the easiest of people.

You say he’s introverted and quiet, but will do anything for a laugh. This is all just speculation, but those things in combination make me think that the sarcastic, humorous part of him is a ‘front’...what he is calling his ‘hard shell’. By now, he’s been doing it so long that it has become second nature and he probably just needs that warm-up time before he’s comfortable with letting his inner self show again. If you were around each other more regularly, maybe he’d get to the point of not needing to warm-up each time. But really, the only way to know for sure is to ask him about it.

You know where he got this sarcastic behavior? He was once unwelcome, therefore making him develop the means to fit him well in the environment he was not accepted. No one ever made him open during those times and he put on that hard shell he is protecting currently.

Now what should you do? The best thing for you to do is open him up, make him feel accepted though he konws that he is accepted today. If you have good devices I would say talk with him, but I believe you can. I don’t think he is difficult to deal with, because he does not feel that way back at school. What is left to him after that feeling of being un-accepted is an attitude that he inherited from the past situation. He is enjoying self closure of which could be dangerous sometimes in future if not delt with.
To avoid embarassement, ask him about this kept attitude and let him tell if he really trust and care about how you feel about him. Do this calmly when the outer shell is still soft. Why would he keep the attitude that was useful to him back in the days if so than keep par with the present welcoming environment? But all in all he is worth pursuit I think so!!

@ebasboy You sound like a perfect couple to me, and he sounds like he’s definately worth the effort. My mom told me a long time ago that when someone tells you something about themselves, you should really pay attention, and this guy’s been hurt, he’s hard on the outside because of that. He’s probably insecure and longing for companionship, but tries to protect himself, too. Sounds like a sweetie and the woman who gains his trust will probably be very loved. :) Good luck. And Welcome.

Thanks, everyone, for your awesome answers. You’re all great. :)