What caused your divorce?

Hasn’t happened yet, sorry. :)

an unrelated accident with my caddilac. put her right through the windshield

The easiest to explain is that he changed his mind and wanted kids and I did not. It was not a topic that I could compromise on.

@syz Wow, may I ask why you couldn’t compromise in that? I’m the same way, just curious.

Really? It’s not like I could send them back to the factory if I didn’t want them. How would we work a compromise?

@syz If my husband insisted, I would probably give in eventually, or I WOULD HAVE 5–10 years ago maybe, not now. I was just curious why you felt so strongly about it that you were willing for him to go.

No big deal though, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way.

I knew I didn’t want kids from 15, he knew I didn’t want kids when we married (well before, rather). He changed his mind and I didn’t.

It was too significant and too important an event (bringing a child into the world) for me to concede without being fully commited to the decision.

(There were plenty of other reasons that my marriage did not succeed, but that was an area that did not allow for compromise.)

My ex, a recovering alcoholic addict, had some physical ailments that resulted in all kinds of prescribed drugs. Personally, I think the drugs caused some organic brain changes, but a friend who is a psychologist noted that some mental illness doesn’t come out until a person is in their forties.

Her behavior got more and more bipolar and narcissistic, and also very emotionally abusive. Finally, in 2005, I couldn’t take it anymore and moved out

Who wants to know?

It was a bunch of things over time. We married very young (I was 19 and he was 21), and were together for 20 years by the time we divorced. He changed a lot over time, and I didn’t much, so that was one big thing. I didn’t mind that he changed, but he minded that I didn’t.

Another factor was me going through therapy. I’d gone into it with the idea that it would help me be a different, better person. Instead, it helped me see that there wasn’t anything terribly wrong with the person I already was. When I accepted that, and was content with myself as-is, I was much happier but he saw it as a cop-out…that I was no longer trying to be ‘better’. In the end, we just made each other miserable. We decided we were too young to go on that way forever, and that it wasn’t the best environment for our children either, so we parted ways. Mostly amicably.

It had always been a difficult relationship. We argued a lot over the years but kept things together. We were quite different in the way we communicated and had different values about a lot of things too. When I started studying he felt very threatened. I had tried to study a few times previously and had bowed to passive aggressive pressure but this time I didn’t and I wouldn’t. I think I knew that I was going to have to support my children and that improving my qualifications was a survival mechanism as much as anything. In the end, we had both grown too far apart and I think we were both over trying to keep things together.

I realized I made a mistake and did something about it.

@KNOWITALL Kids or no kids is usually a deal breaker in marriage. I know more than one marriage that has broken up for that very reason. Most before any kids were born, and two after.

Hasn’t happened yet. For 46 years I’ve introduced my wife as “my first wife”, that keeps her on her toes. I have also said that if we get divorced, I’d pay for the rest of my life. If I shot her, it’s likely that I would only server 5–7 years and have no extra bills when I got out.

“What caused your divorce?”

I did.

It was a rescue thing. I am forever grateful. But, I had to be sort of a slave: have sex whether I felt like it or not, the house had to be immaculate. He had the worst temper of anybody over the age of 2 I’ve ever known. When my kids (whom he thought would forever be far, far away ), came into the picture in a real way, I had to choose. Of course I chose my kids.

He just lost his mind. After 4 years (we were married for 10) I just couldn’t take it any more.