What are among your biggest fears about your primary relationships?

My hubby drinks way too much. He’s a serious alcoholic. He’s not violent, just selfish.

He’s either going to crash his car and kill himself or someone else, or give himself liver failure.

At this point, it’s been a good four years of fighting and I’ve given up. He can do whatever the frak he wants. He wants to kill himself, he can go right ahead.

I just make sure my son is safe at all times.

My biggest source of worry is my wife’s imagination. She conjures up some pretty wild speculations about what other people (not just me) are thinking or feeling, and then reacts emotionally based on those speculations. I’m not the most communicative guy in the world, and I’m sometimes shocked to hear her version of what she thinks is going on in my head and heart.

To keep her from getting too far afield in her speculations, I constantly feel obliged to state overtly what I would have hoped was intuitively obvious. Failing that, I fear that she’ll spin out into some dark scenario.

Since @Seek_Kolinahr was honest, I’ll admit that my husband is currently addicted to his prescription pain pills (after six differet incidents of surgeyrwhich has taken a toll on our marriage, emotionally and financially.)

The only thing that worries me significantly about my guy is that his sex drive is way higher than mine. I feel like I’m already at my limits and still not satisfying him. I don’t think it’s a huge problem, but it makes me nervous to think maybe it is a bigger problem to him. I love him and would be incredibly sad if this came between us. Considering how much we’ve weathered in our not-quite-a-year together, though, I think all is well.

@Mariah I’d love to have that problem, mine is the opposite. :)

Seeing as I have no SO right now I will answer the friend one since I went over there this weekend and was worrying about last night.

He is a giver by nature. He has learned to put some limits on him but I had a really rough week end and was leaning on him emotionally pretty heavily.

It makes me feel like the relationship is unequal since he so rarely needs or expresses himself to me. He is not a emotional guy either so it doesn’t come naturally. He listens a bit and goes into fix mode. I actually don’t mind fix mode most of the time, but if I could spend over 5 to 10 minutes explaining and being upset about it, it would be a help. But he is the only person I I trust who is capable of handling the truth and my fears and not the fix mode, there is nothing I can do about just make the best of it and move on sort of attittude.

@KNOWITALL I’m still interested in your fear. Your husband has this problem, but what fear does that bring up in you? Where does it lead your mind?

My biggest fear with my husband right now is that he will be deployed (again) and something will happen to him while he’s gone. We’ve been blessed so far that nothing has happened to him during his past 3 deployments and I fear that won’t always be the case. So far, no word on another deployment and I hope it stays that way for the duration of his career.

@Seaofclouds I can’t imagine living like that. It must be so stressful. It seems like, if you were going to join the armed forces, it might almost be easier to just know you would be deployed and when, than to have to wait an worry about it.

Sometimes I wonder how long it would take people to find my dead body. The only people who would see a sign of it would be folks at work, who might alert someone if I don’t show up for a few days. I guess my body would start smelling in a few days, which might alert my neighbors.

But as I have no primary relationships and all my relationships are kind of distant, I don’t have any great fears about them. In fact, my great fear is that I will never have a primary relationship.

My biggest fear about my current relationship is that it will become unhealthy or abusive—almost all my past relationships have become unhealthy/abusive. I don’t know have a model for a healthy relationship, so have to learn as I go. I’ve done a lot of self-work, but the apprehension that I’m missing or unintentionally ignoring something is there. I can only go day by day and strive for the most balanced relationship, then hope for the best

But, my biggest fear overall is my ex husband—he has always had zero respect for physical boundaries, does not pay attention to his surroundings and does not anticipate dangerous situations. He left my daughter unattended in a car for 20 minutes to go into a pawn shop, in the bad part of town. He drives like a maniac. He touches and hugs people without their permission. Which makes him my worst and most persistent fear—that he will hurt or even kill my daughter “accidentally” some day. Problem is, lawyers and judges don’t consider nagging fears as a good reason to block visitations.

Irrationally, I fear my wife will wake up one day, realize she’s made a horrible mistake, and leave me to pursue an amazing mid-life crisis. I do realize this has more to do with my insecurities than any version of reality. Plus, I know a guy this happened to.

Realistically, I don’t fear anything regarding our relationship. In twenty five years, we’ve weathered a lot of storms. I don’t see that ability abandoning us anytime soon.

My two biggest fears are that my husband will die suddenly, and that my son will move away.

I worry about illness and death. I don’t want to be a widow.

I worry about my son and his life choices. I worry so much I have a headache. I realize all this worrying is more about how mad I am really.

@wundayatta My fear is that I’ll have to eventually leave him or I’ll find him dead someday, because of the narcotic addiction. He tried non-narcotic pain relief but ended up having two seizures, so seems like either way we’re screwed.

In my primary relationship I fear a variety of things:
1 – Will I be able to support my partner financially or at least be her equal in that department? (i.e. my financial contribution is it enough)
2 – Sexual Satisfaction
3 – Will I accidentally transfer some incurable STD from one of my not so primary partners without knowing it despite my level of cautiousness and focus upon safety?
4 – Will she actually feel like she is honored as the primary rather than at some point feeling secondary to other parts of my life be it people or work or whatever?

Much of my fears are not likely to come to fruition but some of them could if I am not careful and an intense focus upon the fears could in turn actually create these things for me. I often spend wasted time focusing on these things & my goal is to re-focus myself toward being the best me and then letting the rest fall where it may.

@wundayatta It’s not too stressful. Most of the time, it’s just a thought that stays in the back of my head. It really only comes to the service when there are things that come up that could lead to deployments.

The fact that he could meet someone else, leave me. That I am not good enough or worthy of his love.