How would you describe a bully?

An insecure person with serious self-esteem issues trying to compensate this weakness in a foolish and unacceptable way.

I think the definition does a sufficient job of describing a bully:

“A person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.”

I’d say that it’s the exploitation of a power disparity to augment one’s social standing.

The power disparity can be many things: intellectual, physical, racial, hierarchical, etc.

Someone who uses any of these advantages to build up their status at the expense of the less advantaged is a bully.

So motive is important. One harms the weaker when one swats a mosquito, but that’s not bullying. Harming the weaker so that others will consider you more important is bullying. That motive of asserting one’s superiority needs to be there, I think.

Someone who continually tries to hurt another person through actions or words (or both).

A verbal bully does not always become a physical bully. (they may be physical cowards).

One is just as bad as the other.

The harm is irreparable.

They are triggered by internal forces (a sense of inadequacy usually).

It is not language and word choices. It is actions.

Someone who derives pleasure from the suffering of others, usually at their own hand.
In simpler terms, a pathetic loser type attempting to avoid their inner demons/failings.

A bully mindset is one which derives pleasure by inflicting any kind of discomfort on others simply because they can. This includes people who enjoy humour at the expense of individuals or whole groups of individuals ~ even by individuals in said group. (Bill Cosby wrote a detailed diatribe to Richard Pryor on this very subject. He basically said that doing this on stage would eventually come back to bite not only Pryor, but society in general, in the ass.)

It also includes those who enjoy these actions by proxy, or as bystanders, because although they may not be the instigators, they evidently have the nature of a bully in order to enjoy these things. This also includes much of the humour found in comedy clubs which inevitably bleeds into TV broadcasting. Anytime a “comedian/comedienne” gets a laugh while debasing individuals or a group of individuals whom they deem lesser than themselves, or lesser than the audience, (this includes men against women and women against men) you have to wonder if this propogates the same behavior at schools where it can easily escalate into violence. How much of this type of entertainment performed by adults is contributing to acceptably cruel behaviour by children on the playground and in the halls?

I think we should also get real about the expense of modern-day bullying and publish more detailed reports on these school shooters and their history of being bullying victims. Overtime, this type of community ostracizing and punishment can create horrific anger and backlash, especially in a young person who is just learning how to deal with some of the sad realities of life and the emotions connected to them.

Bullies typically grow up in environments where they have been bullied, often by parents. They learn that the powerful abuse the weak. That’s just the way it is. When they get an opportunity to bully someone else, they don’t know any better. They just do it.

Often education will help. Teaching them that bullying is wrong and showing them other ways to behave really help. Not tolerating bullying helps, too.

People often suggest fighting back against bullies because once they are hurt, they crumble easily. They have no self esteem. In their world, the rules are that the strong abuse the weak, and if the weak are not weak, back off.

But you can fight back with words and attitudes and even kindness, oddly enough. Just standing your ground and showing no fear can be enough or showing fear but also showing determination also works.

Bullies are just doing what they grew up with. They don’t know why. Except maybe it makes them feel not so small if they can beat up someone smaller. But as soon as there is fight back, it doesn’t work, because it reminds them they are noone. It brings up all their secret fears.

Bullying is metaphorical. It is about expressing power. About the pecking order. It can be physical or violent or words or just a look. You can fight back with determination alone. Because bullies don’t know a way out. Either they are on top, or they are not. This is why it seems to be worth fighting back. Bullies usually crumble. They only want easy targets. They have no determination.

As to the follow-up questions to your first, yes, more often than not, the abused – whether it be sexual, emotional, or physically brutal, becomes the abuser. This should be paramount in adult’s minds when dealing with children—or anyone for that matter. I think just making public statements related to maiming or killing somebody in a moment of anger can have a negative ripple effect beyond our understanding. Best to keep those irresponsible thoughts to yourself for further self-analysis. Ditto what @wundayatta says above.

I would describe them as 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag.

Not to derail, but do bullies think of themselves as such? Do they worry about someone they bothered, hunting them down and shooting their brains out some day? With all the shootings where this appears to be part of the motivation you would think that has to follow them always.

Fists taking over where the mind/brain should rather be functioning.

Thanks to all above. Most of you skipped the remaining questions, do I need to break them out into new threads? Particularly, I’m interested in language and word choices that come to mind when you think of a bully.

Bullies can be defined by their words and actions.

These are the emotional, verbal weapons a bully uses:
exclusion, mockery, insults, intimidation,rejection, shaming, embarrassing,name calling, gossiping
These are the physical weapons a bully uses:not respecting personal space, obstructing your path, damaging your property, stealing, extorting money or goods, chasing, pushing, punching and fighting

Verbal bullying doesn’t always lead to physical bullying but I think it can often be worse. Its strategy is to induce fear, social rejection and shame. That can be much worse than a black eye. I think physical bullies have been taught by life that violence is the solution to conflict. Violence is what they use to increase their self satisfaction, their ego, their sense that they have “won”. Maybe they are acting out from a former sense of being victimized as children themselves. It may be coming from a sense of insecurity or not. I think the bully needs social approval. They are like a negative version of leadership. They seek followers in order to feel important.

I have been bullied and it was not your typical case of bullying. The person doing it was one of the highest ranking classmates in my high school. I had done nothing to induce his wrath except get on the top ranking academic list. He made fun of me in whispers to his friend sitting behind me during class so I couldn’t avoid it. He insulted me and made me dread going to that class. My best friend didn’t even stand up for me when he made fun of me. I found out from another friend that did. My case was mild yet painful enough. I feel so horrible for kids who have it worse.

I don’t really know what you are getting at by language and word choices. Can you elaborate a little?

A bully is a fearful, inarticulate person who only obtains some sense of status by intimidating or threatening others who are physically weaker or just disinclined to fight that person.

@Earthgirl, thanks for your sharing. You ask what I mean by language and word choice, yet you intimate such with the words mockery, insults, shaming, name calling, etc. As the recipient of bullying you may not know what specific words were used or if the abuse came through from the tone of the bully’s voice. That’s really what I’m trying to understand, is there a specific subset of words that most bullies use or is it related to tone of voice and posturing? If you just consider the words and phrases would those words and phrases be innocuous without the tone attached?