Why do some men romantically pursue women that they know to be lesbians?

Maybe they want to convert/cure them, or maybe they are hoping for a threesome with 2 girls.
Or maybe as a trophy to brag about “Haha, see, I got to fuck a lesbian, that is how awesome I am!”

I think some men just can’t accept what a woman wants and they see an attractive woman they have to go after them regardless of what she desires. I don’t know if it’s ego or arrogance.

Equal parts wishful thinking and testosterone.

Because they are perceived as hawt.

@janbb Right, but enough to go after them even though they are gay? Why bother?

my partner wanted me to ask this question.

It’s a fair question.

If they are shut down from the get go it all stops. So what we are really discussing are cases where this did not happen therefore has the effect of encouraging the pursuit. Whats not to adore about a lezz?

I already knew the answer, myself. She wanted me to ask it, though. She is following it right now, so be kind.

her response:

Well, tell them it’s my question because I find it irritating and tiresome after awhile.
And, no, that person is not right. If they are shut down from the get go it typically does not stop.

I am sure it happens. But I have never seen it happen.
On the other hand, I know of clearly straight men and women who have been approached by their gay counterparts.
So I bet the psychology is similar. Why not ask one of your gay friends if they have ever tried for somebody they knew to be straight and see what they say.

I was recently approached by a straight guy who knows both my partner and I. He knows that we’re together, yet he still pursues me. I have told him ‘no’. He disrespects my partner in front of us both.

I have turned him down a few times, yet he still tries.

@Mama_Cakes I think he’s just bad news on so many levels. He’s pursuing someone he knows is in a relationship? That’s lousy. And he disses your partner? That’s just disrepectful. He’s definately a loser. Would you even want to be in a relationship with a clown like that? Of either sex?

@Mama_Cakes
Well, maybe it really isn’t an attraction for you at all.
Maybe it is his somewhat convoluted way of showing disrespect.
Not saying that changes his character, but it may change the question.

Shutting someone down early on means really making it stick. There are ways.

@josie I doubt it.

Two-for-one sale; woo one, hope she brings her friend.

Infatuation can be hard to explain.

Hormones and a weak prefrontal cortex.

I figured that a douchebag comment would be tossed into the mix. Was just waiting for it.

Apparently I don’t know these men. I’ve never heard of anyone doing this. Watching lesbian porn? Sure. Going after lesbians? Who exactly are these men?

Wishful thinking.

I romantically pursued a gay guy for years.

What a waste of time.

He was gorgeous though. In hindsight it was totally obvious. I deluded myself.

@Mama_Cakes The reason guys do it is because of selfish reasons and lack of respect. Sorry you and your girlfriend have been subjected to that and maybe you should kick the dude where it hurts the most next time he fails to understand you are not available nor interested. Respect over everything is my motto.

One of my friends, who doesn’t believe in SSM by the way, seems a little obsessed with lesbians and he said he has slept with quite a few. It seems wrong any time it’s mentioned, and we argue about SSM all the time (I am all for love he thinks it’s against the Bible.)

It seems odd to me, wouldn’t that be considered bi-sexual anyway? Lesbians I know well seem disgusted at the thought, and most are ‘married’ up anyway.

Do many heterosexual men really pursue lesbians? It’s no big secret that men enjoy girl-on-girl pornography, and that they fantasize about having a three-way encounter with two women. But, the fantasies are about gorgeous heterosexual gals who look like Victoria’s Secret models.

@Mama_Cakes I’m not denying your own experience, in any way or manner, or trying to dismiss your anger. It sounds as if you’ve met a real creep who won’t accept or respect your refusals. It’s impossible to reason with someone who’s irrational, and it’s equally impossible to explain, define, or understand that person.

Because they like them.

So they can watch ‘em at it later. Why else?

I’ve been involved with many lesbians in my life. I’ve been attracted to others. The lesbians I was involved with early in their lives, before they came out. I was probably seen as a safe male to be involved with. I wasn’t going to push myself on them.

Sexuality is fungible. People say one thing and do another. There is a lot of bs out there. To believe what people say, no one cheats. Everyone is faithful. Lesbians are lesbians and gay men never sleep with women. None of these things are true in reality. People lie. Or they don’t know. Or they aren’t sure. Or they change their minds.

Someone says they are gay or lesbian? That’s nice. I totally respect that. I also know they might change.

So, if I really love someone who is lesbian, I’m going to try to be involved with her. I’m not going to love her if she doesn’t love me, anyway. The rest is just physical expression of love. If you love someone, you can usually get over your hang-ups about their gender or sexuality. If you are sufficiently motivated.

My friend and I were just discussing this Q and he said his lesbian friends had sex with men to get pregnant. I wouldn’t have thought of that.

Why do some men romantically pursue women that they know to be lesbians?

Ego. or the guy is simply an Asshole.

@woodcutter You know, I think you and I could have some good PM’s on a few subjects. I hope you realize I’m not uber-religious or anything, but I grew up indoctrinated from birth, so I know a lot about it.

I mean, I do believe and pray and live my life as good as I can, but I don’t go to church or act perfect or anything, so I hope your image of me is not all about religion, because there’s a lot more to me than that.

The answer is ‘yes’. God can give life to rape babies, incest babies and bastards like me and still cause great good to come from that.

@Mama_Cakes What to be removed, you asked the question right? I don’t get it?

I think it more rare than common. I think they fall into the I want emotionally unavailable people category. Which can translate to anyone, not just lesbians.

Lesbians might seem safe. Not a romantic relationship to hassle with but get the company of a real woman just the same. I wish I had one to help me work my jobs, yeah that would be so cool. Working with a guy can be the shits sometimes.

Why do so many women flirt outrageously with and romantically pursue gay men? Maybe because he’s safe and non-threatening?

@SadieMartinPaul I’m sure gay men would LOVE to know that they’re safe and non-threatening.

From a woman that is often attracted to gay men, I will say that safe and non threatening is far from the truth.

I am attracted to confidence and (to an extent) sexual dominance. The man I’ve been attracted to were able to express their emotions freely, they spoke to me like I was an equal and a friend. If they wanted something, they didn’t pussyfoot around or bark about what they were going to do, they made things happen.

Just too bad they were gay.

It seems that the dude in question is just plain ignorant and immature. If someone behaved that way towards my partner and I, we would not hang out or associate with them in any way. If he asks why you won’t associate with him, tell him that his behavior is unacceptable. Or if you really want to know what his motivation is, ask him. Generalizations and speculation don’t always apply.

@Mama_Cakes some men love a challenge and lesbians are probably the ultimate challenge. This guy sounds like really bad news though. It sounds like he is trying to cause you and your partner problems. Perhaps it’s time to make him unwelcome in your lives. You deserve better.

[mod says] @Mama_Cakes and I have discussed it, and decided that this question will stay up.

To answer the actual question, I’ve known plenty of guys who relentlessly pursued unavailable women – both straight women in monogamous relationships and lesbians. They really seem to get off on it for some reason. Whether they savor the challenge or just thrive on making other people uncomfortable, I’m not sure. It’s damn annoying, whatever the reason!

@Mama_Cakes To your partner, please don’t be uncomfortable with these answers. That’s society today. It’s much better than it was, and getting better everyday. I think it’s the thrill of the chase for some guys. That’s why they ignore the woman after they get what they want. Those aren’t the people you want to be associated with.
@ Mama_Cakes is that going to far?

They’re delusional and believe their magical penis can turn her straight.

I think a lot of guys find lesbian sex really hot, and once they get turned on they start thinking with the little head instead of the big one.

They’re likely egomaniacs who always feel the need to be the hero and conquer every challenge set before them.