What's the funniest thing you ever did as a kid?

I was an animal nut and still am.
Once, when I was about 9 I found this giant garter snake and brought it home and while trying to convince my mother to let me keep it, it regurgitated a slimey, half digested bullfrog on her foot. lol
I don’t remember any really funny stories, but my daughter once told some company that were admiring my garden that ” My mommy only says really bad words when the deer eat her flowers!” haha

When I was about five years old, my mum and me were in a big department store in a small city next to ours.
We were about to take the escalator to the next floor when I (bear in mind that this was forty years ago; those days they still had them in plain sight/reach) pushed the red (stop-)button, thus letting the moving stairs, and the people that were on it, come to an abrupt stop.

My mom dressed me up for an Easter church event when I was 5—she put me in a fancy dress, fixed my hair nice, put a bow in my hair, put shiny white Mary Janes on my feet, sat me on the couch and told me to stay put. She went to finish a few things, then came back—I was gone.

She looked, looked and looked for me, but I was nowhere to be found. She went outside and looked- still couldn’t find me. Then she heard a little giggle from far, far off—I had climbed my favorite pine tree and was high up on the uppermost branches, so high that the tree was bending at the tip from my kiddy-weigh.

Now, it’s one of my mom’s favorite stories, but I’m not sure which was more life-threatening to me that morning- my mom’s ire or the tree. I still went to church—just a little ‘sap-py.’

I’ll tell the latest funny story from my precious 3 year old granddaughter. Her Papa loves to tease her. He kept playfully telling her she wasn’t staying at his house unless he got a kiss. She laughed and said, “I’m staying with Ganny.” He continued telling her, “Uh-uh. Not until I get a big kiss.”

She came to me with a look of utter frustration and glee jumping from her sparkling eyes to make sure she was staying the night. I said, “Go in there, give him a kiss and ask him, ‘Papa, may I please stay at your house tonight.’ ”

I could hear her from the next room. She said, “Papa, can Ganny please stay with us tonight.”

We went to Europe for 4 weeks I was 6. When we were on our way home that entire plane ride all I did was slept. We left Europe for homeward bound on an evening flight. My mother couldn’t keep me awake. All I remember is that by the time we got home it was supper time and spagetti was the meal my mother asked me “how much” I said “this much” showing her of course, and the next thing I know I was face down doing the snoring spaghetti monster dance. I had spaghetti in my hair for a week, I never lived it down

Mom was carrying me while looking through the racks at a large department store – something like JCP or Macy’s. I must have been maybe 18–24 months. Mom was into changing up her look by wearing wigs from time to time. I was loudly talking/babbling to Grandma who was several racks away and, of the blue, I yanked Mom’s wig off and tossed as far as I could in the general direction of Grandma. Mom laughed. Grandma was mortified.

When I was a toddler, we lived in Cartagena, Columbia. Being very hot and humid there, I preferred minimal clothing. Once I was toilet trained, I had a tendency to go around naked. One day I got almost a block away on my tricycle before they caught up with me. I was stark naked riding down the street.

I liked hiding under beds or in closets and stuff, and wait for people to walk by. Then I’d jump out and scare the crap out of people. well at least I thought it was funny And if no one came by, it was pretty cool hanging out in closets for like forty minutes.

But this one time my mom visited one of her friends who was down on some hard times and staying in a hotel and she took me along. That lady had a kid about my age, and I proposed a plan to him. So we hid under the hotel bed while our moms were getting pizza, and as luck would have it, when they came back both our moms sat on the bed. We grabbed their ankles violently, and then both of them screamed so loud that some security guy came to see what the hell was happening.
They got so angry at us at first, but the boy and I were laughing so hard, that everyone else joined in, and it was awesome.

I was about 8 years old. Being on a farm, our family had lots of motorized “toys”...inlcuding a small, kid/young teen, sized trike (a 3 wheel off road vehicle – I don’t think they make them any more because of safety issues). I was just learning to ride it on my own at my grandma’s house, in her front yard. She lived a few roads down from us on her farm. I was doing well and starting to gain some confidence, when I hit a bump on the grass. The trike stopped and wouldn’t go over it. I kept revving it harder and harder… trying to get over this persistent bump. I didn’t look down or turn around… I just kept pushing the gas. I’ve always been very determined, even at that age. I then saw my dad running across the driveway, yelling and waving his arms (and laughing). He got me to stop and shut it off, to which I heard my aunt screaming. Apparently, the bump was her leg. Between my helmet and the engine, I hadn’t noticed her screams in the background. I got off the trike, looked down at my aunt’s leg, and asked “Well, how did that get there?”

I have no idea how her leg got there, I don’t recall seeing her sitting on the grass. Probably because I watching the front bars/wheel to make sure I was going straight.

To this day, that story is told whenever I see that side of my family.

I decided wanted to help my Mother and Grandmother stop smoking. I would take take a cigarette out of the pack and carefully remove the first half inch of tobacco. I would put various things like pepper or whole cloves in and repack the tobacco, then put the cigarette back in the pack.
It didn’t appear work in my help them stop smoking subliminally campaign. I notched it up a bit and started putting match heads inside. Needless to say it was very noticeable. I however stopped the day that the flare from the end of the cigarette almost caught my Mother’s freshly hairsprayed head on fire.

My husband has a classic one.

His grandfather was a bona-fide war hero, and a giant of a man. Well over 6½ feet tall, and known in his town for being a badass. The cops would call him to bounce drunken biker guys from the bars. Seriously an awesome person, but known for being tough as nails.

Grandpa also liked to lovingly pick on his (then only) grandson. Any time Mitch would walk through the room, Grandpa would reach his legs out and trap him. He’d tease him about his “chocolate girlfriend” next door, whatever. One day, little 4-year old Mitch grabs Grandpa’s shirt, pulls him close and says,

“Grandpa, you’re an asshole”.

Almost 40 years later, that story is still told at every family gathering.

I can’t think of any about me, but I have one about my brother. Whenever he farted as a child, my mum would say to him, “What do you say?”, prompting him to say, “Pardon me”, “Excuse me”, etc. One day she took him to the doctor’s and they were in the waiting room, when my brother really did let a huge fart go. Mum was so embarrassed that she decided not to say anything, because she didn’t think anyone would believe it came from such a little boy and would think she was blaming her son for something she’d did. So my brother sat there after this huge eruption, waiting for my mum to say the usual four words she said after every fart he did. When she didn’t he decided to prompt her, and said, “What do you say, Mummy?” I think that was probably the most mortifying moment of my mum’s life!

In 7th grade Home Economics class, we sat in metal legged chairs at long tables, instead of at desks. During a lecture one day, I had tilted my chair back and was balancing on the back legs, holding onto the table with both hands to steady myself. Suddenly, I began to feel myself losing my grip on the table and I couldn’t regain it as it inexorably slipped from my grasp until nothing was holding me up but those two chair legs. As I hovered there on the brink of disaster, I guess my face betrayed my horror because one by one the girls at my table began to notice. Then the teacher stopped talking and they were all staring in silent anticipation. You could have heard a pin drop. It seemed like I balanced there defying gravity for an eternity but it was probably only a few seconds. At last I went over backward and landed with a huge bang. At that point everyone broke out in hysterics and we all laughed until we cried. One of the girls said my eyes were as big as dinner plates. To this day, every time I remember it I still laugh out loud. It was like a magic trick gone horrible awry.

I was like 6 or 7 and my dad took my twin sister n I to the store with him for the first time in a couple years without my mom. My dad passes gas a lot, not just sometimes ALOT!! Lol so he tells us ill be right back girls I’ve gotta get something. So we are playing in the toy area at Walmart n my dads been gone for a while so we go looking for him and find him four or five isles down alone.. He TRYED to get us to go cause WE NEEDED TO LEAVE RIGHT THEN well this little old lady had turned on to the isle n my dads like come on girls lets go… Then I smelled it!!! And I kid you not I practically yelled it OMG DADDY YOU FARTED!!! I’ve never seen his face turn so red!!! My sister n I about died laughing all the way home… We are 25 now n he still won’t go into a store alone with us!!!

This wasn’t me but my darling children. I was working at my desk and totally engrossed in my work. We owned a male cat who would occasionally spray. Drove me a bit nuts. So, I’m typing away when a hit of spray hits my legs. I leapt out of my chair, shouting I was going to kill that cat and then I noticed my two daughters rolling around on the floor laughing, spray bottle in hand.

When I was a toddler I told a bald man that he forgot to put his hair on that day! I don’t know if it’s the funniest but it’s one I am reminded of a lot!