When a friend can help but won't?

I am guessing he won’t do it because then he is responsible for the rest of your career if you do anything slightly critical. He may not have any jobs for you. And, he may be waiting to be asked, rather than volunteering. He may want to see you take the initiative.

And, he may want you to get experience elsewhere, on someone else’s dime.

So stop thinking he owes you help. You can ask him if you can use him as a reference when you apply to the firm he is with. See how he responds to that.

No, no I don’t think that he or anyone else owes me help. He offered to help, which was generous, but never said anything about his own place of business. I would love to work in a company such as his, but as he has not mentioned anything, I felt sheepish about asking.

The whole responsibility issue that @zenvelo mentioned was what concerned me. People have encouraged me to ask, but I worry that he would rather not go there, and don’t want to cause discomfort.

@Qipaogirl Welcome to Fluther and best of success in your new career.

Remind him of his offer to help, and ask him if he would be kind enough to whisper in some industry insiders’ ears for you. That way, he can offer help without risking pitching a new and untested talent to his own company them discovering that you clash with someone there or you can’t perform up to their expectations.

I would ask him to help. Careers are our livelihood, so I wouldn’t stall on it. Ask him if he could ‘get it out there’ that you need a job.

I recommend stepping up to the plate and showing you are interested by being direct about what you’d like. Your friend can’t read your mind.

I would just toss the idea around to him that you have been thinking about joining his firm because you are looking for stable employment and a change of scenery more towards a firm like his. And just politely ask him sometime if there is any advice or tips he could give to you about doing so, ask him to direct you to the right people, ask him what would be a good thing to say that may help your chances in getting into a firm like his and hopefully after all of that he may just offer up his service to help you!

Maybe you can ask him if he thinks your ready to apply at his firm.

Great ideas, thank you! My old career was more cerebral and did not require too much marketing of myself. I was lucky to be able to support myself this way for many years. My new profession is more “out there.” I am fine with it, but I never know what the correct balance to strike should be. It seems like what is suggested is mentioning something to my friend in an indirect manner. I think because my footing feels so new, I am afraid of alienating anyone lest I close a door. Again, my thanks to you all!

Use the AIR format:
A . . Ask for Advice.
I . . Ask for Information
R . . Ask for Referrals

@Tropical_Willie, smiling I am, “AIR” comprises te initials of someone most dear! That makes the suggestion even nicer, thank you!

He may or may not be willing. You can ask him to, but say that if he is not comfortable doing it, you will understand.

If he’s your mentor, just tell him that you’ve been thinking of a firm like his and ask him how he’d go about doing that, or if there were any entry-level positions in his company that he may think you’d be suited for.

It does seem a little bit like the easy way to do it, rather than applying for open positions elsewhere though. Friends and networking may get you in, but after that you’re on your own usually.

@KNOWITALL thanks for your thoughts. It seems that you agree with the notion of mentioning the notion in a casual manner, and seeing if the person offers to help. Then, go from there. My main concern is not alienating an ally and having someone avoid me for fear of being pressed in an uncomfortable manner. I am relatively new, but not super new to my field, and I do have projects and bit of history all successful, so I hope that will instill faith that I would not ruin their credibility if I was put forward. Much appreciation.

I was in a hurry with my first answer so here is the better answer.
I don’t know what business you’re in but if it is anything at all sales related he won’t offer until you ask. Networking is a reality of the business world. A good business person is expected to use their contacts to get ahead. Men have done this more instinctually and women worry about offending. I think that is changing. You’ll never know if you don’t ask.

@Judi Thank you, very much for writing back. No, not the sales field for me, legal. You are so correct about networking, and I am. I do often have to swallow my worry over feeling as though I am being pushy. I am getting better. I did mention to my friend that I would love to work in a firm such as his, and he sent me an internal listing for a position at one of his branches two states away. Given that I care for an elderly relative and have a daughter in school, of which he knows both, I did not understand his suggestion. Thanks, sincerely, to you all. I feel much better for having expressed my feelings. Now at least, I am not walking around debating if I should ask or not. We’ll see what happens next. In the meantime, I will keep on trying!