Can I start a post called "The funniest thing I ever heard?"?
It’s where you can share funny things you experienced through the day…or through your life, for that matter. If you happen to remember something from long ago that was so funny you’ll never forget it, can you can share it here?
Can I start a thread like that?
Can I be the first one to contribute?
OK then!:
This one is called Christopher and the fish.
My son, Chris is now 25. However, once upon a time, when Chris was about 5 (“Just a little guy” to use his own words around that time to describe himself to some older boys…but that’s a different story) he was invited to have dinner with a friend. So he did.
About 30 minutes after he left, his friend’s mom called.
She said, “Chris is worried about the food.”
I said, ”...He’s WORRIED about the food??”
She said, “Yeah! I don’t know what’s going on, but he kinda, acts like…he’s…scared….or something….?” (So now I’m worried that she’s wondering what the hell goes on in my house that my kids would be SCARED of FOOD! I hate it when that happens!)
I asked what they were having, she said fish stix. Chris likes fish stix. Chris liked everything he ever ate, even bugs. He liked mosquitoes the best. He was not a picky eater.
So I asked to talk to him, and asked him what was up.
He said,”‘Well she asked me if I wanted retarded sauce with my fish and I wasn’t sure if I should eat that.”
When I could talk again I said, “It’s OK, honey! It’s just mayonnaise and pickles!”
“OK!” he said cheerfully, no longer afraid of the food.
If I was just a little guy and somebody I didn’t know ALL that well offered me retarded sauce I’d call my mom too!!
~The end ♥
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16 Answers
One of the best, along the lines of the “retarded sauce” is my daughters work mate and ex room mate, Whitney.
Whitney is a cutie, but a bit short in the brains dept, a sweet, doey eyed thing with the IQ of a Cocker Spaniel. lol
The all time best Whitney-ism was the time a few years ago when she was working out for a bikini contest and on a stringent diet. She told my daughter that she had to run to the store because she needed to get some Albuquerque Tuna! hahaha
Oh, and another dingy friend that told me proudly that she had just bought a self compelling lawnmower. lol
The funniest thing I heard today from my 3 year old granddaughter.
This afternoon, we went out to watch her at soccer practice. The field is covered in tiny little 3, 4 and 5 year old bodies clad in bright neon soccer socks and an array of outfits. These children are scrambling around the legs of two very patient, brave men. My eyes start trying to focus and search out my little one-and there she is-showing off her highly advanced skills of twirling, skipping, crawling across the field and getting both her arms stuck in the netted goal. She is beautiful.
Anyway, enough about her soccer skills. On to her daily cuteness. Near the end of “practice,” she and another little boy found a little circle of sand about three foot wide on the edge of the soccer field. As they kicked and played and wallowed in the sand, my husband casually commented that the spot is most likely where dogs pee, I watched in fascination at how happy she is to be playing in sand.
I walked her to her mother’s van and was telling her tomorrow night she gets to stay with me. She said, “Ganny, I’ve got sand in my shoes.” I lifted her into her carseat and laughed out loud. “Now, I wonder how you got sand in your shoes?”
Without missing a beat, she proclaimed, “From playing in the sand puddle, Ganny!”
Albuquerque Tuna. That is hilarious. Is she related to Jessica Simpson? Remember her tuna line? I love your thread, @Dutchess_III and I especially love the story about your son. I kept a notebook of the cute things my children said. I’m going to have to start one for my granddaughter. Funny stuff.
My preschool niece was disciplined for saying “shit shit shit” constantly. Always three times. She said it to class mates, their parents, teachers…
“Where did you hear that Bella?”
“Grandma always says it when she drives me home from school”.
Mom’s a nervous driver, challenged by mildest traffic. She likes to express her frustrations.
Our newish cat was in heat, I told my 4 year old NOT to let the cat out because she was in heat, Later in the day, the kid let the cat out. He explained, I know you said not to let Tabby out because it’s hot out, but she was meowing and wanted to play with her friends, so I let her out. When the cat came back, we immediately took her to the vet. I wonder if i ever told my son that story. I’ll have to ask.
This one isn’t hilarious, but it’s kinda funny and it happened today:
On the way home from school my 9 year old granddaughter said, “President Obama is trying to kill us all!!”
So…we had a mild little talk about crazy people and fact from fiction.
THEN she said, “Everybody, except not the teacher, thinks we’re going to have a war because the British are coming!”
I ‘splained that we had that war a loooong time ago, and we won, and now the British are our allies…our friends.
I may have told this story on fluther before but it was a while ago so ignore me if you’ve heard it.
When my oldest was an infant I was visiting a friend who ran an in home daycare.
I was nursing my daughter and noticed a little boy watching me intently.
This was 1980 and most mothers were still bottle feeding so I asked him, “Did you eat from bottles when you were a baby?
He replied, “I ate from my mommies bottles. She has REALLY BIG BOTTLES!”
ROFLLL!!! Oh, that reminds me! I nursed too, and this was in the 80’s. I nursed…for a long time. Two babies, back to back, over about 2 years. Anyway, nursing got to be such a no-brainer that I could sling the baby on my lap, un-hook my bra, drop the blanket over her/us, all without missing a beat of whatever conversation.
I was teaching in the infants room at church one Sunday. I was chatting away with a lady. The baby started fussing, so without even looking, I prepared to nurse. Well…a few seconds later I noticed the baby was acting…strangely. She wasn’t sucking, just kind of licking around. I looked down…. and realized….IT WASN’T MY BABY!!!!
Fortunately the mom had as good as a sense of humor as I did, and thought it was hilarious too!
That’s a great one!! I was either pregnant or nursing for 6 years. I know that automatic impulse.
You ever feel like a brood mare?!
My poor daughter is nursing baby number 4 and the oldest turns 7 next month. She haven’t had a break in a while.
@Judi Whew! Wreck them boobies! Man…
Thanks @bkcunningham. But I’m just the story teller. My kids ARE the stories!
What’s your funniest story bk?
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