[NSFW] Should I talk to my mom about this?

I am not sure if you have a Father to discuss things with as well. I will assume you have both parents unless otherwise stated.
One at a time. Consider approaching one of your parents, instead of both of them at the same time. This ought to take away the uncomfortable tag-team effect of facing mom and dad as a strictly united front, and it will also keep the conversation more private. Pick the parent who you feel most comfortable and open with.
Admit your nervous about the discussion. You might start by saying, “Mom, this isn’t the easiest thing for me to ask you about,” so that your mom immediately gets the message that this is a serious issue you want to discuss. Set the tone if you want to prove that you’re thinking about sex in a mature and responsible way.
Timing. Pick a time and a venue where you can get their full attention. Home is usually a good place for this kind of talk, especially during a calm moment, so orchestrate one if you have to. Or, use an “every day moment,” like if you are watching TV with your parents and one of the couples in the show has a focus on sex, this could be a good opportunity to start the talk.
If it is important and serious for you, then being serious and showing what is important to you will go far. Good luck.

Yes I think you should talk to your mom, as uncomfortable as it may be, she needs to understand which I don’t know why she doesn’t that you can make your own decisions and you are obviously already doing that.
I am a mother of an 18yr old who just got a promise ring from her boyfriend, she wears bikini tops with boy shorts, her choice, she has tried tampons but doesn’t use them often. We have an open relationship, the most I expect from her is to respect herself, she came home with hickies all over her neck last week, I told her it was uncalled for. She said it won’t happen again, I believe her. She is in Disney with a friend and the family. The first trip she went on with another family and friend she was 8 she went to the Dominican Republic.
Your mother is overprotective I am not sure how you can change that but you should talk to her and try not to keep too many secrets from her or it could possibly get worse if she finds out you are disobeying her.

You need to tell her that you are sexually active and sometimes using ” monthly planning, and withdrawal”, otherwise some day you’re going to be telling her that you’re pregnant.

If you are 15 and already sexually active, she kind of has reason to want to keep you on a tight leash. It really doesn’t matter how long you have been dating, 15 is entirely too young to have intercourse. Since you are sleeping with this fellow she is probably on the right track keeping your from sleepovers and sending a chaperone on dates. (I wonder though if you always have someone accompanying you, how have you managed to have sex with this guy?) @syz is right, you need to discuss your sexual activity with her or you be discussing your pregnancy. If you can’t talk to your mom, please, please, please visit your local office of Planned Parenthood and get on birth control as soon as possible.

The tampon this is just a myth. The best way to approach this is to bring documentation to her saying that tampons don’t take your virginity and explain that you would rather use tampons.

As for the bikinis, I think your mom is trying to teach you about modesty and that is laudable.

@Carinaponcho They call people that practice the withdrawal method parents. Get to Planned ParentHood and talk with them. I think the human body deserves to be displayed, but I’m not your parents. And your three years from being 18. I think Mom needs to trust you more, but it’s still her call. Until you’re 18 you’re subject to their rules.

@SuperMouse Please don’t tell me that my decisions are wrong. There is no right age to have sex. I am happy with my decisions. We are both ready and feel completely comfortable talking about it. Step into my shoes before you pass judgement.
If you are wondering how it happens, which is really none of your business anyway, I take his bus home sometimes when I’m at my dad’s house. I later get a ride from an older friend back to my dad’s.
She has been given no idea that any of this is going on. She has no reason to suspect that I’m doing this. That’s why she thinks a tampon is going to take my virginity.

@Carinaponcho Only you know if you’re decisions are right. Just be careful and take precautions. Yes, I think tampons would be better. Can you do some partime work to get the funds so you can make your own choices.

@Carinaponcho, I don’t agree with @SuperMouse that it’s categorically “too early” to be having sex when you are 15. But I do agree with @Adirondackwannabe about the withdrawal ‘method’ and monthly planning. Proper condom use is far more effective and reliable than either of those other practices, but you are right that it is never 100% guaranteed.

I hope that you will be able to find a Planned Parenthood chapter that can help you. Failing that, can you think up a reason why you might need birth control that has nothing to do with contraception? I’ve heard of people using it for other reasons ranging from controlling acne, to reducing painful cramps.

There’s no such thing as virginity, not in the physical visible sense that people believe in. It’s a lie based on protecting eggs and property. But you are not likely to be able to convince your mother out of these convictions. Do you have an allowance or money from work that you can use to buy tampons for yourself? Maybe you could get a friend to buy them for you.

About the sleepovers, that is really sad. It sounds like your mother is rather socially conservative. Maybe she does not trust that other parents will enforce her moral standards at their houses. She is probably right in this thinking… Is there any way that you could approach a friend’s parent and try to enlist their aid in convincing your mother that a sleepover will be supervised and safe? Might your mother be open to having your friends over for a sleepover instead?

Finally, about the bikini… In the same post, you refer to your childhood. Why should a child wear a bikini? I find that quite disturbing. Moreover, why give into the heterosexcapitalist programming that practically mandates that as soon as puberty hits, females make themselves visually sexually available (and, at the same time, excessively concerned with their appearance…it helps turn the wheels of consumerism)? It’s the path of least resistance, and it’s pretty gross. Find reasons to feel good about yourself that do not involve how much skin you show off, or whether you are able to keep up with the latest fashions.

If you feel you are old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to buy your own tampons. Yes. You absolutely should talk to your mom about all of this. Get your boyfriend to join you in the discussion about the two of you having sex.

My opinion is wear the one piece bathing suits. Do it out of respect for her. When you move out at 18 you can wear what you want. I really doubt your friends think it is a big deal, and you can always complain to them that your mom will freak out if you wear a bikini, and just blame it on her.

Many children are not allowed to sleep over, you are not the only one, but I understand that most of your friends are allowed to. I think maybe talk to her about this topic. My idea is tell her that you want to compromise, that maybe if she meets the parents of the other girl and she can ask any questions that worry her, that maybe she will change her mind,

Call planned parenthood and see if they will prescribe you birth control without your mother. If your community does not have planned parenthood call GYN’s and see if the doctor will keep a chart for you not accesible to your mother and prescribe the pill. You will need to pay out of pocket. If it goes on your insurance your mom will know. Planned parenthood is very inexpensive. Many doctors will be willing to help you as long as your state does not have some sort of screwed up law. If you are not using condoms sometimes you must see a GYN. Once a girl becomes sexually active it is important to get checked at least once a year. I am going to assume you have not had the HPV vaccine, which means you are vulnerable to the virus, and that virus can lead to cancer over time. Even with the vaccine you can catch a strain not covered by the vaccine. The virus is extremely common. Before the vaccine they estimate 70–80% of women are exposed.

As far as tampons, I would use them. I think tampons are one of the best inventions of all time. Hide them well, keep them at school, whatever, but I just think it is ridiculous and impractical to not use tampons. Make sure you use them safely. Never wear one more than 8 hours if you ever develop a fever while using them assume the worse and go to a doctor or urgent care to be screened for TSS. It is extremely rare, but deadly.

About whether to talk to her, she sounds very conservative. If she is very religious and strict it might be better to let her live in her mommy bubble, but you must be responsible about your body and health. It sounds like you want to be. Sometimes children mistake a parent’s expectation and rules as something the parent will get angry about if their kid breaks one. But, often the rules are because the parent wants to guide and protect their child, not that they want to be controlling, strict and mean. I have no idea where your mom’s head is really at.

LOOOOOOOL That tampon part is great.

She is definitely over controlling though, and not too smart I hate too say, I hate when parents are like that. Had a girlfriend once and an over protective mother ended the relationship.

How old is the guy? Where do you live? No, wait, DON’T tell me!
Let me tell you why I am asking.
The New York State legislature has decided that anyone under the age of 17 is incapable of giving consent to sex. If someone over 21has sex with a 16 year old, even if it is only 10 days before their 17th birthday – it is defined as Rape in the 3rd degree, a Felony! That comes with a prison term and a listing on the Sex Offender list forever.
If you had sex with him when you were 14 and he was 18 that is another offense.
Different states have similar laws.
All your mother has to do it make one phone call to the police and your boyfriend’s life is ruined. Assistant District Attorneys love these cases. They just need copies of the two birth certificates and a confession and they can get credit for a SO conviction. That looks good on their record when they are running for office.

Your mother does not want to see you with an unwanted child – that she would likely end up supporting. She wants you to finish and do well in school. She wants you to be a productive member of society capable of supporting yourself.

When you are out of the house and supporting yourself, you can do what you want. That is called being an adult. When you live in someone else’s house, you play by house rules.

@LuckyGuy another reason to love Canada eh?

@XOIIO What I said about tampons?

@LuckyGuy My mind had not even gone down the road of possibility that he might be older. Ugh. I really hope not. I think somewhere in my brain I assumed if he was over 18 the OP’s mom would already have called the police or done something drastic,

@JLeslie No, in canada we have different laws regarding consent, I think its withing 5 years of birth, when the younger person is 13 as long as they both concend its perfectly legal. I’ve never made use of this but it would stop those greedy lawyers.

I’m confused. I asked you about tampons and I think you are talking about statutory rape.

@JLeslie ahh, I just saw that you mentioned tampons, I meant what OP said, that her mother thought they would steal her virginity.

as for the age of consent I was a year off, it’s 14, you can read about it here.
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/dept-min/clp/faq.html

I am not concerned that she is 15. I am concerned if the guy is over 18. He would have much much more understanding and knowledge and control over the situation. If he is also a high school kid, well, you can see my answer above, I give her advice to get birth control and to be safe. I don’t lecture her about sex in any way.

Wow, I’m concerned and I’m not even a parent. I don’t go to church, but I do believe in God, so here’s my answer:

Seems like a lot of the problem is that mom is religious and you are not, causing moral arguments. I’m not sure that will be resolved by talking, and may cause more dissention/ arguments if you continue to push her. She wants you to stay her good little girl.

Personally, I think 15 is too young and immature to be having sex, but a lot of people choose that path, and at least you’re on birth control (which does not protect you from disease!!) Just remember that you are not experienced in character judgements at 15, and the worst that can happen is pretty bad, like rape. Be very careful with yourself and the situations you put yourself in.

Girls being modest is an attractive quality and bikini’s are not real modest, and you can often attract a higher calibre of men is you remain modest. It depends on what you want, which at 15 is probably attention, and I hope that works for you.

Tampons will not make you lose your virginity.

Spending the night at a girlfriends house is normal and fun, but if you’re having sex, maybe she doesn’t trust you. That is certainly something you can discuss with her.

There are worst thing in the world than not wearing a bikini, at worst it is irritating. By the sounds of it, you need to pick your battles with your mum and the bikini issue is probably not a priority right now. You can talk to her, try and reason but it sounds like she will stick to her guns and it sounds like you have bigger fish to fry.

I think the most important issue here is to get on birth control. She may never agree with this but, while I don’t know the laws surrounding this in the US, it sounds like (from what others are saying here) you can go and get birth control without your mum knowing, you may have to pay for this but if you are responsible enough to be having sex then you should be responsible enough to get your own birth control.

As far as the tampons are concerned, why does she need to know what you are using? I was buying my own sanitary products at your age and kept them in my room so, if I had wanted to keep it from my mum (she was very laid back so it was never even an issue) I could have.

I’d like to clarify a few things for those that asked. He is only about half a year older than me. Financially, we are in a very bad situation. I have given most of my money either to the bank to save up for college or to pay for food. I have no way to get a job because I have to take care of my grandmother who has Alzheimer’s. That’s also why I rarely participate in activities after school. Perhaps to make my situation more difficult I should mention that I have a twin sister who is a mini version of my mom. I’m not trying to rebel, but I see many things morally wrong with their beliefs. My sister is a bot heavier so she doesn’t feel comfortable showing her stomach. Also, I can get my dad to be more lenient but they are divorced and don’t communicate. I do use tampons at my dad’s house. But my dad is on the same page as my mom about the sex. Asking him for birth control would be out of the question, and he also doesn’t have any control over the insurance. I think my best bet is to try to find a way I could pay out of pocket for it.

@Carinaponcho You can probably find a one piece suit that’s really hot, but I’m guessing you mother wouldn’t approve. I also just walked down to the Planned Parenthood office here, it’s directly below my office, and in NYS any underage person can get access to “family planning services”. I don’t know about your state. Please be careful about sex. I’m guessing a baby would make your life miserable right now.

@Adirondackwannabe Thank you. I will look on their website.

@Carinaponcho Good. If your question prevents one unwanted pregnancy you did good today.:)

@Carinaponcho no need to cop an attitude, you asked for opinions and I shared mine. I think that at 15 you are too young to have sexual relations. At 15 a youngster doesn’t have the emotional maturity to enter into the kind of mature relationship that is the most important part of any sexual relationship. I know, I know, you are a very mature 15 year-old and feel good about your decision – talk to me in 20 years. Either way if you are having sex, you should be on birth control.

@SuperMouse What 15 year old wants to be told she’s wrong, about anything? Especially illicit sex with some boy, nobody. Some people have to learn the hard way, but if it helps, you’re right.

That’s why Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant are so popular, even parents are getting behind them because it shows real life lovers falling apart with pregnancy scares and STD’s and no money, no cars, nothing but a screaming baby and they’re miserable. At least this girl is asking for help.

@Carinaponcho Let us know how it works out. If Planned Parenthood was able to help you. I think they will be able to.

@Carinaponcho I think you should keep using condoms. Never disrespect yourself at such a young age and just assume that the withdrawl method and birthcontrol pills are 100% fool proof. Unfortunatley, and you see here comes the mother side of me and I tell this to my daughter all the time, you have parents or hopefully at least a parent or parental figure for a reason. Young people’s brains haven’t even fully developed at least I think until the age of 21, if parents do not guide children they are not able to understand consequences that can come from decisions like using no protection, just using withdrawal method. Kids your age do not usually think ahead until it’s to late, it is why many teenagers have the “no fear” mentality.

So now I will tell you a true story about a teenage boy and his girlfriend. This teenage boy was in love with a girl and she was his first and he was hers. They met in high school at the age of 16. At 16 the girl started the birth control pill. By the age of 17 the two were talking about getting married in the future. By the age of 25 the two were going strong, nothing could stop them, they started planning their wedding. The young man was sick one day with a persistent flu like symptoms and the doctor ordered blood tests. Anyway he kept getting sick, and after it was all said and done my best friend from high school who was in love with a girl who he trusted with his whole life had given him hiv, and the kicker to the story? When it all came out was that she did cheat on him she did’nt have any symptoms of the disease.

The moral of the story is never trust anyone but yourself!

If you end up with a disease or pregnant your family will know for sure what you have been doing.

BTW I got pregnant with my daughter at 17 on the pill!

If I was your mother I would tell you to think a little bit harder about the possible “future” consequences of your actions instead of satisfying and fulfilling your “right now” actions, because without fully protecting yourself which is what your mother is trying to do for you, those actions could affect your future.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl I think it is actually age 25.

I agree the STD scenerio is a very very real possibility. At least half of my friends have had an STD if we include HPV. I know people with HIV also. I know married people who caught HIV from their spouse. If you think about it enough it is enough to want to be a nun.

@JLeslie I agree! I wasn’t sure if it was 21 or 25. It’s true, though I mean if the theory of six degrees of separation actually holds truth to it, imagine the Six Sex degrees of seperation :/