(NSFW)!! Can't get enough?

Check your local sex toy store – many of them hold couples classes and maybe you can get him involved by engaging his imagination.

Alternatively, you could look into couples counseling. Plenty of healthy couples benefit from couples counseling, not just couples in trouble or heading toward divorce.

You might also need to consider that if your husband is in the same age bracket, there may be a medical component to his reduced libido. It’s a delicate conversation, but he may need to see his doctor.

(And, of course, that local toy store has plenty of options for you to supplement your sex life on your own.)

You could buy an automated sex machine. They are quite expensive though. Or depending on your husband’s engineering skill you could ask him to build one for you.

He should have a physical and get his testosterone checked. Then communicate with each other and discuss this. You could also start him on fish oil capsules. They’re loaded with vitamin E.

Forty did it for me, too. Orgasms were easier also. Perhaps, you’re more comfortable with your body and sex, in general. Anyhow, others with help you with getting the husband on board. Good luck!

@ragingloli I don’t even know what an automated sex machine is. Either way I prefer the warmth of a human body. @Adirondackwannabe I already started him on Flax oil and fish oil capsules AND I make green smoothies for us everyday. @syz I took him to the doctor and they checked everything. He even had an ECG. He’s fine physically and he would never go to a sex therapist. He’d look at me as if I were nuts. @Mama_Cakes okay so someone DOES understand what I’m going through, lol. I am more comfortable in my body now. In my twenties I couldn’t even have sex with the light on and now I wanna do it on the kitchen table while the rice is cooking!

Oh and I forgot to mention that hubby JUST turned 40. I’m 3 years older than him and this situation is really affecting my self-esteem.

@Akua
It is one of these

Try to spice up your love life. Get him to agree to a weekend away. Get a room in a hotel or a B&B.

Wear a belted raincoat with nothing under it. Meet him in the bar (or a bar) and pretend like you have never met before. You could even wash in a temporary rinse in a different color in your hair. After you have met and flirted for a while let slip that you are wearing nothing under the raincoat. See how fast he hustles you out of there.

Then slowly draw him out about his fantasies. Alone on a island with an attractive fellow castaway, two people working out alone in a gym, whatever. Then act them out with him.

You are now in your sexual prime. Men peak when they are 18. Nature’s little joke.

Men are much more visual than women. I bet a sexy outfit or two, or more nakedness in general may catch his attention. Other than that, get some toys, you’re a big girl, take care of it yourself. He’d like that, too, I bet.

I’m wondering if it’s a huge turn-on for a man to watch his female partner masturbate? That could get the ball rolling. It works for me.

@Mama_Cakes Sure!! If I were her, I’d turn on the porn, most guys are into it.

@Mama_Cakes I love to watch a woman masturbate. It drives me wild.

First have his doctor check him out physically and hormonally.

Assuming that’s all good, discuss with him when during the week and at what time of the day or night is best for him to enjoy sex.

Make dates with each other for love-making and follow some or all of the other advice to make the opportunity exciting and interesting for both of you.

In addition to the ‘spice it up’ advice, book a long weekend away or even a holiday. If he is tired and stressed that’s going to affect his libido. I know my husband and I find we want lots more sex once we are on holiday and not worrying about ‘got to get to work in 30 mins’ or ‘I have a big meeting in the morning and need to go to sleep early’. Just being on holiday and getting relaxed is a huge boost to our sex life.

@ragingloli Nice pic of your spouse, got any more family snaps?

I have a similar “problem”. I am not 40 and my GF is younger than me. She is from a culture that suppresses female sexuality. She is a bit inhibited about sex, and while she has, by her own effort, become more Western and relaxed, she still struggles with an internal conflict.

I say so what.

99 per cent of the time, we have a ball together. Occasionally, we hit a snag in the sack.
Then we don’t. And life goes on.

I am a combat “survivor” and I am pretty happy just to be here, so maybe I have a different perspective.

But love is about the things that do not change with time. If somebody loves me for my perpetual hard-on and baby face, they will be disappointed in a few years. If I love a woman simply because she is hot shit with soupy genitals and tits that point skyward and throws a good fuck, then what will I do when gravity wins, she hits menopause and starts to cool down?

I am quickly becoming “middle aged”. I don’t like it much, but not much I can do about it. My expectations better become different, or I will become either frustrated or weird or both.

Maybe what you describe is just the way it is. Or maybe not. Anyway, you may be on the wrong side of a mild passive aggressive disorder. Suggesting all these remedies may only make it more pronounced.

Or maybe it is simply the nature of change.

I would hang in, wait for the special moments and enjoy them.

That’s just me. That’s what I do. But I am not that fussy.

Thanks everybody. Some of the suggestions I have tried and others I haven’t, but I’m willing to try anything, except the contraption that @ragingloli suggested. I laughed so hard when I saw that I nearly peed my pants. Thanks for that. @ucme your comment about the device was hilarious. @josie I hear you loud and clear and I agree, I would never leave my hubby for sex or money. Years ago when he was out of work, we fucked like rabbits! Now with this job and this schedule, I’m just having difficulty getting used to the new normal I guess. Sleeping alone and him being cranky and tired all the time.
To everyone that suggested masturbation, I do it so much my clit is numb, trust me, I’m no newbie to the sex shop, dildo’s and vibrators, and I have used it in front of him, I even whip it out DURING sex (DP anyone) to really excite him. He says he does want sex all the time but he doesn’s ‘show’ it. Why I don’t know.

Does he know his testosterone levels? It’s a simple blood test when he gets blood drawn for his PSA test.

All I know is my husband would gladly trade me in for you for a week. :)

@livelaughlove21 I was thinking about volunteering for a week or two, also. And with no prostate there’s no mess – and no need for recovery time.

@LuckyGuy One day I should have you school me on the prostate stuff. My knowledge on that is very limited (pretty much ends at what I’ve read in gay erotica and what I’ve seen in gay porn) and I’d be interested in learning more regarding what is different post-op and why.

@LuckyGuy I’m going to ask him if a PSA tet was part of his regular exam and blood work and if not I will suggest it. You and @livelaughlove21 are funny. Hubby once told me that if he ever had a medical reason and he couldn’t get it up he would turn the other way and let me take a lover… but I don’t think this situation counts. I’ll keep you guys posted.

Yes medical reasons will do it, also check for diabetes, the symptoms sound kind of similar, depression also, and stress. And I think usually in every marriage we hit that time where the sex life may be off, one partner wants it more than the other, I hate to say, but it is much more common than we want it to be. Hopefully it gets figured out. I had the same problem with my husband unfortunatley he ended up dying before I could figure out the answer, but after the accident I did find out he had diabetes so I assume that was my answer, it wasnt me :)

Went to the doctor and he’s healthy as a horse and all his levels are good but I did find out he might be suffering from some sort of Shift Disorder and the doctor prescribed him Melatonin. He works over nights and it’s just not good for him, Some people adjust okay but the doctor says it’s affecting my husbands health. Increasing his asthma attacks, can’t sleep during the day, irritability, fatigue, decreased sex drive, increased appetite and some signs of narcolespy due to lack of sleep (like forgetting simple things and blurred vision). He says he is going to write a letter to my husbands supervisor stating that he needs to be put on a 3–11pm shift or 7–3 shift for health reasons. @nofurbelowsbatgirl I’m sorry to hear about your husband.

@Akua I am glad you have figured something out, hopefully it all works out for you.
And about my husband, thank you. Sometimes life has its own plans :(

@Akua Great to hear you have some sort of answer. Is there any chance you can adjust your schedule to match his – or at least compromise and meet in the middle a few times per week?
If sex is important to either of you it is important to your marriage. Don’t give up.

I hope hubby had a PSA test done while you were having blood drawn.

(~If you do decide to give up, my phone number is: 555 -1xxx)

@LuckyGuy HAHAHAH! Yes he had all the tests and they are normal including PSA. If he gets his hours changed then he’ll be okay as far as his schedule. I feel bad for him because I know he wants sex more often but I see him fighting to stay awake. So I’m just being patient until they change his shift. How kind of you to offer your services but I’ll never give up on him, LOL. :)

How about Tantric sex you spend a lot of time not doing it which builds to a big expectation and finale! Usually done over a retreat weekend devoted to it