Does it surprise you when someone uses Mrs.?

I am a man. If I am sexually attracted to a woman I use Mz, and will actually often address her as “Mz. (lastname).”

If I am not attracted to her I will use “Mrs.” or her first name.

I’m a man. I only use Mrs. when addressing holiday or birthday cards to my mother. Everyone else is a Ms.

I’m a woman and I use my own name so it when people call me Mrs xxx. They are either wrong and they are using my maiden name or it grates because they are using my husband’s name and assuming that’s my name. I don’t correct them but it does feel odd. I prefer Dr or Ms and would use Ms, or given the field I work in, their appropriate title.

yes.

I’m a woman. I hear Mrs all the time at my daughter’s school or with my son’s friends. It doesn’t bother me. I actually prefer Mrs.. I use Mrs for married women and Miss for single women. This is how it has always been done at the schools my children have attended over the past 20 years. I don’t know why, but I find Ms. to sound too formal and matronly. I never use Ms..

@Bellatrix I never assume a woman has the same last name as her husband. In this case she knew my last name was the same, so she didn’t assume. Why don’t you correct people? Or, maybe you don’t correct them if it is just a short interaction and you likely won’t be dealing with them much? I think if I had kept my maiden name the mistake would most bother me on formal invitation where I think a real effort should be made to get it right. If it is someone who I barely know who casually makes a mistake I would let it roll off my back, but probably correct them? I’m not sure.

I use my maiden name on rare occassion if I get in touch with someone from the past, someone who does not know me by my married name. I don’t really care. I would tell them my married name, but if they mistakenly used my maiden it would not bother me. But, my aunt by contrast gets very upset if someone makes a mistake and calls her by her maiden name. Someone who should know better, like a relative. I think my husband really liked that I took his name, but in his country women usually keep their nake and add De Lastname, so the maiden name still sticks. His mom still has her passport in her maiden name, but all her American documents just use her husband’s last name.

It would just seem a bit prissy unless the relationship was likely to be ongoing. So, if it was in a hotel for instance (even if we are booked under different names) I will often be referred to as Mrs xxx. I don’t bother to correct them but it pisses me off because they have my name. If it’s in a store where we are buying something, people just assume I have taken his name so I don’t correct them. It doesn’t matter. If it was my accountant or someone like that, I would correct them.

@jonsblond Interesting that to you Ms. sounds matronly. I would think most people might assign matronly to Mrs. My last name is a mouth full when saying Mrs. Lastname. My MIL is Soñora Lastname and it is not such a tongue twister. LOL. But, in writing it is a moot point.

I would use Mrs. Lastname for someone older if I knew they were married or widowed. But, for my peers, or someone younger, I am more inclined to use Ms.

However, no matter what age, if it is a business situation I would always use Ms. Unless the person corrected me to a different preference. This is a business dealing of sorts that sparked this Q.

@Bellatrix Makes sense. I think I would probably do the same.

@JLeslie I would think most people might assign matronly to Mrs. I agree. There’s just something about Ms that makes me think of an old, stern school teacher. It gives me the heebie jeebies.

@jonsblond Haha! Actually, my teachers were almost always Miss or Mrs.

I must have had a bad encounter with a Ms when I was young, @JLeslie. I can’t think of any other reason for not liking to use it. :)

@jonsblond I don’t doubt it. Back in the days of when we were young Ms. was just making its breakthrough. The women who insisted on it could easily be disgruntled feminists. Not that I stereotype feminists negatively, I don’t at all, but I can see a woman back then making a big deal about it. We needed those women to make a stand though.

I think your explanation is spot on @JLeslie. The form of address has historically carried some negative connotations. I have been looking at postcards relating to the suffragette movement and the way feminists were portrayed in that medium draws on the same stereotypes.

I was almost offended at first, but now that I’m older I get it all the time. I sort of see it as a sign of respect and it doesn’t bother me anymore.

Okay..I must be the only person in the world who thinks like this.. but I’m offended when I’m called “Miss <my last name>”. I’m married and I prefer for strangers to refer to me by “Mrs. <my last name>. Maybe I’m uber-traditional (tho, I’ve never been called that before!)..but I’m more bothered by people calling me Miss or Ms.
I’m old, long-time-married and wearing my rings.. I sign up for everything I can using the “Mrs”.. when I check in for my Delta flight my boarding pass says “Mrs.”...so when the person at the Delta counter checking my bag wishes me a nice flight and calls me “Miss” it bothers me.

In still more signs that I must be a dinosaur or something.. I also don’t mind when I get mail addressed to “Mrs. <my husband’s name>”.
Whenever my grandmother writes me this is how she addresses the envelope. It just seems proper to me. She also prefers when I send her cards or letters to her addressed to “Mrs. <my grandfather’s name>”—even though my grandfather passed away nearly 2 decades ago.

For the record, I also hate “ma’am”. Every time someone calls me that it makes me feel old.

I’ve been on a Downton Abbey kick lately.. so I think I’d be most tickled if the Bell Man at the hotel or Valet Parking guy referred to me as “M’lady”. There’s a big tip for the next hotel or airline employee who either calls me Mrs. <my last name> or “My Lady”.

@geeky_mama Do you think people are confusing Miss with Ms? That some younger people maybe don’t know the different pronounciation or some regions of the country maybe don’t make the two words sound distinctly different?

In the northeast it is common for someone to say miss instead of ma’am if say they are just trying to address you and have no idea what your name is. Ma’am kind of goes with Mrs. though. They are both to address a married woman in my mind if you are aware of her marital status. That is if you are in a part of the country that uses ma’am. But, parts of the country that use ma’am use it for everyone over the age of 22 it seems. In fact, they never use Miss, except Miss Firstname from what I can tell.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with using Mrs. But, I do think people should use Ms. when they are unsure of a woman’s marital status, especially at work. Part of the reason for Ms. is so employers don’t know someone’s marital status.

I think maybe some women also felt being unmarried had a stigma and Ms. In social settings makes that a nonissue. Present day I don’t think people think that way so much,

@JLeslie – I do in fact think people are pronouncing “Ms” as “Miss” most of the time.
I’m not hearing “Miz” (Ms).. I’m hearing Miss. But heck..my kids tell me I’m hard-of-hearing all the time, so it could be me completely mis-hearing what others are saying.

My kids also tell me ALL their female teachers (married or not) are now called “Ms.”
So..no Mrs. or Miss at school anymore.

I was always under the impression that Ms. was for unmarried women and Mrs. was for married women. Personally, I use Mrs. if I know she’s married and Ms. any other time. I really avoid this altogether because I feel awkward saying it either way. Addressing men as Mr. has always sounded more natural to me.

To answer the question, yes, I am surprised when someone calls me Mrs. I rarely hear it. Most people still call me Miss because of my age. And, no, I’m not offended by any use of it, even if it’s “Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Name.” I’m still technically a newlywed, so I get all giggly and excited when someone combines our names or even says something as trivial as “your husband.” :)

@geeky_mama I don’t think it is your hearing. I would assume most teachers go by Ms. now. It might vary by region though. You would think if teachers use Ms. that people should know how to pronounce it. It could be a Q. How people pronounce Ms.

@livelaughlove21 Ms. Is neutral like Mr. Miss is unmarried.

It is very rare I am called Mrs. I am almost 36 but I look like I’m in my early to mid 20’s (someone thought I was 19 the other day!). I have never been insulted by Miss, Ms., or Mrs. They really don’t mean much to me, personally. I’ve never been married…maybe that is why?
The title I’ve had most is Miss. On forms, I will use Ms. When addressing women, in person, I have rarely used titles. If I call them anything, it is by their first name. If I am formally addressing a woman in a letter, I use their first and last name.

As others, the female teachers were almost always Miss or Ms. The only ones I remember having Mrs., were the much older married/widowed teachers. The only Madams were my female French teachers.

When I think of the terms now… I tend to think Miss is for younger women. Ms. is neutral. Mrs. is for older/married/widowed women. Madam can be for older and/or married women. Madamoiselle is the equivalent of Miss. For men, I always use Mr. or Monsieur. I’ve never used Mister.

Am I suppose to capitalize the letter, of the first word, after Mrs., Mr., Ms. if it’s in the same sentence? It looks confusing to me, hehe.

If I know which title the woman prefers, I will use the one of her choice. If I don’t know what that is, I will use Ms. If I am talking to a customer on the phone and need to know for her records, I will ask.

It would be so much easier if Miss and Mrs were phased out altogether, and replaced with Ms by default.

I’m a boy man & I utilise babe/doll/sexy biatch…on formal occasions however, I just refer to her as grandma.

I only use Mrs. If I’m certain someone is married. Otherwise it’s Ms.

I also never assume that a wife has her husband’s last name – as my wife didn’t take my last name.

And I really don’t like “Mr. and Mrs. <Husband’s First & Last Name>”. Makes me think that he owns her.

Lastly, I am very surprised when people refer to me as Mrs., as I am a man and, more importantly, a terrible drag.

Mr. is Mister. Did you mean to write Master? I saw that sometimes when grandma’s were sending a package to their very young grandsons. I think that term is basically dissappearing. The women were from the Northeast usually (I was working in southeast FL). I can’t imagne a southerner would use the term, but that is an assumption on my part. I have never seen someone use it in the south, but I am not working in a children’s department in a store anymore either so I have less opportunit to see it. Astrochuck would probably know since he works for the post office.

I have a friend who periodically refers to me as Mademoiselle. Neither of us speak French, but I often correct him to Madam for me. Only because I think he doesn’t know he is using it incorrectly. He never would call me miss, he would always say ma’am.

@Plucky You only capitalize if it is a new sentence or a name. Mr., Ms. and Mrs. are abbreviations.

@cookieman I was told that Mrs. Woman’sFirstname Lastname means the woman is a widow. I doubt it is still thought of that way by most though.

I generally avoid forms of address entirely, unless I am encountering a doctorate holder in their place of business.

The church in which I grew up called everyone Bro. <lastname> and Sis. <lastname>. I didn’t know some of my closest friends’ first names for ages, and it actually felt uncomfortable to just call someone “Sara”. It’s silly when you think about it.

When I’m writing a formal invitation, I’ll allow my knowledge of the addressees to determine my address.

“Mr. and Mrs. Joe Schmoe” is used only when I don’t know the wife’s name.
If I know they have kids, I’ll use “Joe Schmoe and Family” instead.

I MUCH prefer to use
“Joe Schmoe
Nancy Schmoe
123 Some Street”

and then address the card “Hi Joe! Hi Nancy! Come to my party!”

“Young Master Schmoe” is how I refer to my son when he knows he’s in trouble.

I prefer Ms. to Mrs., but am fine with both. Just don’t ever refer to me as Mrs. Hubby’s Whole Name. Infuriating. I was a complete, self-sufficient person before him and I still am.

@Seek_Kolinahr I don’t know many doctorate holders who use Dr., except for professors at workplace; at the university. My dad didn’t expect anyone to use Dr. when addressing him written or verbally. He actually shrugged away from using it, I think he didn’t like to “throw around” is PhD. It felt like bragging to him maybe, or that it might make someone less educated uncomfortable. Among his peers at work I am sure they new his credentials, but otherwise almost no one did. My parents are first name people anyway. They were fine with my friends calling them by their first name when I was little. Some of them were trained to used Mr. or Mrs. Lastname by their parents though. My mom would say to the other parent, “they call me FirstName,” but sometimes the other parents insisted on Mrs. Lastname.

I think some of the confusion with Ms. is that before the 1970s, Miz was used as a form of address to older women in rural parts of the country. In the 1970s, feminists tried to get Ms. adopted as a counterpart to Mr. – a term all women could use that didn’t indicate marital status as either Miss or Mrs. do. I think it has made some headway but not complete adoption; I am frequently addressed as Mrs. BB by all sorts of people although I myself use Ms. when it is called for. I am looking forward to taking back my whole original name as part of the divorce process.

I prefer Mrs. ________, but I don’t like them using my husband’s first name, like I’m not my own person.

Not many people here in rural Missouri even do that anymore, except the oldsters.

@JLeslie – Well, I call my doctor Dr. Smith when we’re in his office. If I see him at the grocery store, he’s “Jay”. My brother in law is only “Corporal Schmoe” when he’s in uniform. Stuff like that.

I do give people their titles while they are operating within their bailiwick.

But “Mrs.” isn’t my job, and the only thing that I had to do to qualify for the title was sign a paper that I had to pay for. If you want to use it, fine, but I’m not about to insist on it.

Those of you who don’t like using your husband’s first name, it’s interesting that we can be more put off by using their first name than their last. I don’t mind it when it is a formal invitation, I think I mentioned that above, if I did sorry for repeating myself. It bothers me more when someone gives the last name incorrectly to the wife. I have friends who have dated for over 10 years and so times when they are invited to weddings and barmitvahs the family addresses the invitation His Name plus Guest. Obnoxious. It whould be addressed to both of them, with both of their names in my opinion.

@janbb I was unaware of Miz in the south. That is interesting. Is that what people are actually saying when they use “Miss” Firstname? I thought it was Miss, but maybe it is Miz?

I like Ms. I like women not being identified by marital status when being addressed, even in formal situations. I don’t think you can ever go wrong with Ms.

No matter what, if someone uses, Mrs., Ms., Miss, Ma’am I think the person is trying to show respect. Even if they get it wrong.

@JLeslie Yes – it is an old usage.

@JLleslie I am Mrs. ___________, but it feels like when they use my husbands first name that I’m using all his ‘street cred’ or ‘man cred’ rather than my own, that’s why it’s distasteful to me.

We use Miz, too, but mostly in addressing the older ladies we know and love like this: ”‘Miz Sally, how are you doin’ today sweetie?”

@KNOWITALL Yep, and every female is “ma’am”, unless they’re obviously a “little lady”.

@Seek_Kolinahr Nothing irritates me more than the ‘little lady’, or ‘This your old lady?’...I literally want to rip their tongues out but they’re usually just good ole boys jazzing ya.

One time, my husband and I went to a friends house and the men were all outside shooting guns and having a beer. So I had only been there once, and followed my husband over, and popped a top myself. Then the home owner goes “All the women are in the house if you want to go in there.” I said “I thought I’d finish my beer out here and say hello to you fella’s” and he freakin repeated that all the women were in the house. I went in the house and told my husband I would never go back, it was uncool.

@KNOWITALL Idiots.

That’s the part where you suggest he get in there himself, and then proceed to outshoot them all.

Over here in england town, the mrs…or missus, is used quite frequently in reference to one’s wife, meant affectionately though.

@Seek_Kolinahr Yeah, sometimes these rednecks really yank my chain. He’s also about a 400lb biker though – lol

Yeah, what’s he gonna do? Hit a “lady” around a bunch of other rednecks with guns? I’m so over the South. Seriously.

@KNOWITALL But, the S in Ms. is pronounced like Z. I personally dislike the southern Miss Firstname or Miz Firstname whichever is correct. It reminds me of the old south, and the old south doesn’t have a very nice reputation if you know what I mean. Here in TN people use Miss Firstname for all adults, not just older adults. It’s to show respect, but hard for me to hear. I am more used to it after years of being here. Here in TN and when I was in NC it sounded like Miss to me.

It kind of makes more sense it might be Miz, Miss never made logical sense to me. But, in the northeast we use Miss for everyone, which also is a little illogical, so don’t take it like I am one sided on the topic. Now I am very curious how it is written out in books that take place in the south.

@JLeslie I usually say Miss Betty, not Miz, but occasionally we’ll get a real southern drawl on and use Miz, it’s usually just to be goofy.

Yeah, we really only do that with older ladies in my area. I think it’s weird when people say “How are you today Miss April”, but I take it as a compliment because they’re being respectful.

As far as the ‘old south’, I get that and a lot of black people had to be respectful or else when they used it. Sometimes I wonder how I would act or feel in the deep South because of the history. I guess my father’s family were plantation owners in the Carolina’s somewhere, it totally creeps me out, but we don’t talk anyway. Just makes me feel dirty.

@JLeslie: I never heard that about widows. That’s interesting. I agree though, with more and more wives keeping their maiden name (such as my wife), I don’t think that distinction is relevant anymore.

Unless… I’m actually dead. Hmmm.

@cookieman I tend to think if a woman keeps her own last name she is not a Mrs. But, I also see how that can be argued the other way.

@JLeslie Agreed. That’s one of the only reasons I almost kept mine.
To be honest, my husbands last name sounds better with my real name…lol, pretty superficial of me I guess.

@JLeslie: See now I always figured that “Mrs.” equals “married” regardless of your last name.

@cookieman I agree that it does. It just seems odd to me that a woman who maintains her maiden name would want to be called Mrs. Also in my mind is the idea that Mrs. signifies a woman is using her husband’s surname. What I mean is if I meet someone who prefer Mrs. Smith, when I meet her husband I actually would assume he is Mr. Smith. While if I meet a man named Mr. Smith, I do not assume his wife is the same last name.

I hope I explained it well enough.