Should I tell my friend, or someone, that his girlfriend was arrested for retail theft?

How about instead of telling him yourself, bring it up; make him Google her so it’s like he found out. Tell him you guys should do it for fun, the way some people Google-image themselves. Tell him to write the exact same (or similar) information to what you wrote and see what comes up, that way you’ll act as surprised as he is…

Leave it alone. It is not your business and as you say, you have an ulterior motive. Telling him will not help your cause. He will figure her out himself eventually.

It is not a good move to tell him. You could, as @Luiveton suggests, suggest that he Google her, but if you tell him he will ask how you know and you are going to come off as stalkerish and intrusive.

The best way to get this off your mind is to get him off your mind. Consider him taken and gone. Instead of obsessing about all the things he did that showed interest in you, think of all the things he didn’t do: he didn’t ask you out or date you, He did not initiate anything physical. Those were the things that would have shown interest in you.

@marinelife she’ll act like she doesn’t know. She can act as if she’s doing it for fun. She can first suggest that they Google themselves, then she can bring her up.

But yeah, the fact that you have feelings for him might be skewing your views of her don’t you think? Anyway, if you’re 100% (literally 100%) sure then the right thing to do would be to tell him. However, 1) you have to be sure 2) there’s always an explanation for everything, so she might have a good explanation that would make him end up feeling sorry for her and he’ll like her even more. You’ll end up looking and feeling bad so watch out.

This is why I don’t think police records should be public information. Such an invasion of privacy! If a person did something wrong and took care of it, the whole world doesn’t need to know.

Forget him and move on, it is really none of your business. It is his life, and he is responsible for his own life.

IF he asks you what you think of her, you can tell him, but if he doesn’t ask, stay out of his life!

Ask yourself this, what does it mean about him if he knows all this and is still into her? He may know all about it, getting fired is not an easy thing to hide.

I think some of you are replying too harshly, bear in mind she has feelings for the guy and that is probably affecting her more than you might realize.

It is because she has feelings for him that she has to stay out of it. Believe me, I’ve been there.

I think that you do have an obligation to tell. Apart from ulterior motives, you are still friends, and as one friend to another this is something worth telling. Suppose that this was something that you read in the newspaper. I am sure you would have no qualms sending him the article. So the main problem is that you don’t want to come across as a stalker. What is wrong with just telling the truth? Say that you had a bad feeling about this girl and wanted to follow up on it.

If he really does want you too, you won’t have to rely on Mean Girls tactics to get rid of the other girl. And if he doesn’t want you, getting rid of her isn’t going to help you out.

Stay out of it.

If you were just friends, I’d tell him, because I look out for my friends and yes I have googled and stalked and checked our local court records site on new boyfriends that seemed sketchy.

BUT since you are not 100% sure, and you have the motive, I’m afraid you’d look like a jerk. And as @Seek_Kolinahr says, it probably won’t help you out by revealing her past, instead if she has told him about a sketchy past, it may put you in a really bad position and lose his friendship.

Retail theft isn’t murder. Imagine how silly you will feel if she has already told him about the incident.

If this guy is kooky enough to date such a sketchy person, do you really want him? Move on and don’t worry about it. It will all be revealed eventually.

Many people go through a shoplifting phase. Hell, I did myself. Even more people steal from their workplaces. Sometimes you get caught. Most of the time, you don’t. What separates the ones who do from the ones who don’t? Luck of the draw, mostly.

The fact that this girl got caught means little if anything. You don’t know what she stole. You don’t know what it was worth, or if the proprietor of the establishment was just making an example of her.

You also don’t know whether she stole anything at all, as an arrest record isn’t the same as a court judgment. Also consider that many people plead their way out of these issues even when they are innocent, especially if they can’t afford a lawyer.

Bravo, @Seek_Kolinahr . I have shoplifted, too. And my sister-in-law, who is a lovely person, swapped pricetags at a clothing store where she worked. She didn’t get caught.

@Skaggfacemutt Yeah. I’d go to the bookstore and get two books: One, a discounted thing I might or might not actually want, and a book I actually wanted but couldn’t afford in my purse. No one ever guesses you’re going to steal something when you’re paying for something else.

The last book – and last thing – I ever stole was “The God Delusion”.

Thanks for all the different feedback. To me, and no offense to anyone else, stealing is stealing and it’s wrong, and with her it happened while they were together. He’s a pretty moral guy when it comes to things like which is why it seems off. As for her stealing, not that I have absolute proof of what happened exactly, if it is true then it’s probably not her first time, and probably won’t be her last. If she gets caught a second time, that’s a misdemeanor, and she would go to jail (I have lawyer friends that i asked), which is definitely not good. I probably could find the details about what I found by going to the courthouse or municipal police and ask to see the reports, because those are public too, but I think that’s going a little far.

And as for him not initiating anything physical, we’ve made plenty of innuendos and suggestions between the two of, and I’ve seen the look on his face like he wanted more but wouldn’t. That’s respect, not lack of interest. Trust me, if I could just turn off the feelings for him, stop thiking about it, and walk away I definitely would. I think everyone wishes their brain had an off switch. Unfortunately, you can’t control who you fall in love with. And yes, obviously I would be happier if they were not together, but I do not want to outright attack her. That’s not something I would do. I’m not a vindictive person. I’m just one of those people that when I have something on my mind, I need to get it out, like a splinter, somehow.

I guess I wish there was a way I could find out if he knows before saying anything. I just know that if I were in his position, I would want to know. Do you think at the very least making mention of it to his cousin that I’m also friends with would be a bad idea? Is there anyone I can tell?

If you are that infatuated with this guy, then you should try to win him back without becoming a tattletale. That is not a good look.

Let me reiterate:

You don’t know that she stole anything.
You also don’t know that she was convicted of theft, only that she was accused of theft.

You have no proof, you have a mugshot you found on the internet, and a linkdin profile with an “end employment” date.

That’s it.

You also have an unhealthy obsession with this person. The girl, not the guy. You’re bordering on stalking. It’s not doing anything to endear your “beloved” to you.

What she has is documentation, which can be provided to her boyfriend so he can decide for himself. I don’t see why everyone is making such a big deal of this. We are talking about publicly available information. You say, oh bye the bye, I got some info on your girlfriend that I think you should know about. End of story.

Sure. She can tell whoever she wants. Is it going to make the guy fall head-over-heels for her? Not likely.

So what? Doesn’t friendship count for anything? Why do we assume ulterior motives? I do agree that if she thinks this will lead to her getting the guy, she is in for a major disappointment.

If she does that (provide documentation to this guy) she is going to make herself look like a desperate, clingy, stalker. I don’t know about you, but I don’t run background checks on my friends’ acquaintances. Sounds kind of creepy.

You know what? I think if you are not going to respond helpfully then don’t bother at all, with all due respect, of course. This isn’t a site where you attack others for not approaching certain situations as you usually would. You either give a helpful response—and if you really have the urge, then share your thoughts nicely, otherwise don’t bother.

What she does and how she thinks is entirely up to her. Being doubtful towards someone doesn’t make them a stalker; we have all experienced situations where curiosity has gotten the best of us.

All you need to do, @TheKBird, is to confirm your suspicions prior to taking any other steps. More importantly, get to know the woman more, so then your views won’t be as skewed. (And you will satisfy your suspicion as well)

Give it time, everything definitely becomes clearer with time. And I definitely understand that having feelings for him makes it even harder—especially that you are extremely close. Everything will probably work out in the future if you suspect that deep down somewhere he has feelings for you. I think gut-feelings are true most of the time.

Their relationship seems like a complicated one anyway from how you describe it. Personally I don’t believe in long-distance/online-based relationships. Excuse my opinion.

Whatever you have to do, I support. And he will too if he’s a good friend. Most importantly, put your feelings aside and make sure that you are purely doing this for his benefit, that way, he will truly understand that you are doing this for him and he will have no excuse to get mad. And even you will feel better about this yourself. If you do follow the plan I previously mentioned, try lightening things up if he seems pissed by defending her even slightly, that way he’ll know you’re not prejudiced.

G-luck.

In this day and age, I think it’s dumb NOT to research people in your life. Regardless of the other posts above, I wouldn’t want a thief in my home or my friends home without their knowledge.

Okay I think you should first off write a list of the pros and cons of telling him, using ideas from people answering your question but also of your own knowledge of his personality and how he has reacted in similar situations. Then after that If you thought it was worth telling him I would tell his cousin first just to see what she thinks.

In the end it is your decision to deal with this situation and its all very well people voicing their opinions but it is you who has to deal with the consequences.

You never know he might have had doubts about her and this extra information might be the tipping point for him.

Another thought is have you asked her yourself or are you not on good terms with her? She might not realise that people know about it, just an idea.

Some how tale telling never works out for a better good. It always seems to backfire. Unfortunately you are better advised to leave this alone.

My answers are helpful – you just disagree with me. Doesn’t mean my opinion is not helpful. I am concerned that the asker of this question will tell her friend and that will make him turn against her. And it very well could have that effect. I agree with @shippy.

if she was arrested, her mugshot is public. you can get a copy online and post it to his facebook. You should not get your hopes up with him though, he’s just not in to you and opening his eyes won’t change that.