Do you ever feel detached from the world?

I personally think that I do not fit in with society, at least people of my age. I have thought about that recently, the fact that the world is “go[ing] by right before [my] eyes.” I keep getting older so quickly but still know that I have a lot of life to live. I handle it by knowing that there are parts of me that I appreciate and live with the expectation that once I move into a new society, I will be able to become a new me. (I failed to join any cliques and subsequently became my own clique)

Yes I have and still do. Fortunately, I can get my meds adjusted and I feel that I can, again, participate with the world.

@tups: “It’s like I can see through my eyes but I am trapped behind them. It’s hard to explain.”

You did a great job explaining it – and yes, there have been many times in my life that I have felt this. Some people say it’s a symptom of depression. But I’m not sure it’s just that. Some of it might have to do with the nature of consciousness itself and the feeling we have that we “have” a body that we are trapped in – specifically behind our eyes looking out. It makes me wonder what being blind is like.

What you’re describing is the condition that Zen addresses directly, so it’s something I’ve spent a lot of time with. Basically, it amounts to the feeling that “I’m in here, and the world is out there”.

We have this feeling of “me-ness”, and we try to give this feeling some form, a home base, a clear location. Typically, this is somewhere inside the body, and it has very much to do with the thought process. We come to identify with the thoughts and emotions, and locate them “in here” somewhere. This is pretty universal.

Where the outer limit of that “me-ness” extends is more variable. Some people don’t even fully extend their “me” to the whole body. For others, the “me” fades out beyond the body into their possessions, and cohort. That boundary of “me-ness” is moveable, as it turns out. Where this boundary ends up determines where you stop and the outside world begins.

Zen (and plenty of other meditative practices) challenges that boundary, looking carefully at the basis of it, and using attention to move freely past it. A 13th century Japanese Zen master named Dogen put it this way (paraphrasing because I can’t locate the original quote): “You think your mind is thoughts and memories and feelings, but it is rivers and mountains, grasses and tiles”.

No inside, no outside.

This kinda sounds like my question.

This sounds very like what Sylvia Plath described in ‘The Bell Jar’.

Sounds like a good question for group therapy. Seriously, there are many people who feel like you do and it’s good to talk it out. You might find the opportunity at a youth center, a church, or with a therapist.

Yes, I have often felt that way. I think it comes from feeling misunderstood, and not being able to relate to other people. There may be many people you could relate to, sometimes it just seems like it’s not the people that you are surrounded with. That can be lonely and so because you are lonely you can sort of retreat into yourself. I’m not sure if this is true in your case. I am an introvert by nature and I’m more sensitive than I should be so I’m easily hurt. I retreat into my own thoughts in order to protect myself. It could be depression that causes this apathetic and alienated attitude or it could be life circumstances. Either way, you need to seek out the things you feel passionate about and pursue them. I know you have a soulful nature. You enjoy poetry and folk music like I do. You think about the meaning of life. I think you’re quite young, aren’t you? You just need to find what excites you in life and get involved in it. That will make things so much better. Don’t stop searching! Never stop searching! If the people around you are talking about nothing (and there are plenty who only engage in small talk) find the ones who are talking about something you care about. They’re out there.

Ya, I called that time High School.

I sometimes wonder why I have such a wonderful life, when hundreds of thousands of people are hungry, cold and miserable all the time.