When was your roughest break up? And how did you get over it?

It is nice of you to be so concerned for your friend.

The break-ups I when through when I was younger were more difficult because I was less mature, and had emotional dependencies in the relationship, and felt more desperate being single. As I got older, break-ups and divorce after many years with another person were still heartbreaking; but the more self-confidence and personal integrity one has, the more confident one can be that they’ll get through the grieving process and will be alright on their own.

Suggest that your friend seek counseling, especially if he is guilt-ridden (if he caused the breakup) or if he seems distraught. I’ve also found it helpful to review things that I might have done differently, so that I’d be less likely to make the same mistakes in the future. I did that by journaling.

It was when I was 15. My first love who was much older (in his 20s). I didn’t really know how to handle him or the relationship.

It really hurt because I still saw him every day after we broke up. Some months later he also made a play for one of my best friends, which hurt a lot.

Only time and distance made me really grateful that it hadn’t worked out!

Took me seven years to forgive the humiliation he made me go through, the cheating and his disrespect towards me. He was my second bf. He stole what I thought was love and completely trashed it…I lost my person and only now am I able to wipe the slate clean and come back to who I am meant to be…I don’t know your friends story…but he will be fine, we all do, eventually, get better after a breakup…he needs time for himself now, do things he enjoys to do and once he is in his good place, someone new will come.

I’ve only been through one break-up, so it’s not hard to pick my roughest.

He was my first boyfriend. We were 17 and only dated for a couple of weeks and knew each other for about a month and a half. I was so inexperienced – he was even my first kiss. I didn’t sleep with him, but I got in pretty deep way too fast. I liked him a lot and he seemed very sweet and genuine.

He left for California to work with his dad for the Summer. Before he left, I told him it was okay if he wanted to keep it open and see other people while he was gone, as we hadn’t been together long, but he said he wanted to remain exclusive. He got flakey almost immediately after leaving. Then, some girl sent me a message on MySpace (back when that was still cool) asking how I knew him. She then proceeded to tell me that he was coming over to her house that night and she was hoping things would get hot and heavy. The next day, she told me they’d kissed and fooled around.

I called him and he decided to take the cowardly route and lie. Then he started avoiding me, so eventually I just broke it off via voicemail and it was over.

It was hard for me only because he was my first boyfriend and he really fooled me into thinking he was a good guy. About a week later, I was onto the next and even enjoyed a Summer of male attention I’d never experienced before.

By the end of the Summer, I was dating my now-husband when he called me again wanting to get together. I said no. He called again about 9 months later to tell me he’d been in jail for stealing car radios all that time. Again, he wanted to get together. He told me he regretted what he did and he hated himself for passing up a great girl to be young and stupid. I told him I was involved with someone else and had no interest in seeing him. I haven’t heard from him since.

Boys…

“When was your roughest break up?”

All of them. Women are fucking wacky.

“And how did you get over it?”

Go get some new wacky.

I broke up with someone a year after my Mom died. Yes, it was hard as I was still grieving the loss of my Mom.

I’m definitely over it. I’ve moved on and met the one whom I was meant to be with. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.

My roughest breakup wasn’t the first man I loved….or was he? I thought I had loved men before him. I had said the words. But this man I lived with for 4 years. He wasn’t the most nurturing person in the world and he wasn’t the true blue lover I may have dreamed of. Still, I cared for him deeply and our lives were entwined. He showed me his world and I shared all of mine with him. We were sort of an odd, unlikely pair. I still can’t figure out why we ended up together. Maybe it was random…but it stuck. I had suspected him of cheating for a while before I moved out. Once I did it was hard to believe that he would just be gone. It felt like I had lost my best friend, my family. I wrote him letters that I didn’t send. I made love to him a couple times after I moved out when I really shouldn’t have. I cried myself to sleep feeling pain that I had never thought possible. Seriously, I know it sounds melodramatic, but I felt like I had lost a brother. I had enough self respect that I refused to take his dishonesty and his games. Eventually I moved on. I still think of him fondly though. In spite of how he cheated on me. I do believe he loved me, in his own way.I wonder what he has made of his life.

If I were you I would support my friend just by making him know what a special person I think he is. I wouldn’t talk his former lover down. He is probably attached emotionally to her/him still. Just keep him company and call him up for no reason just to chat. Ask him to a concert or dinner. Just be there for him.

I have no idea. I was never good at recovering from these heartbreaks.
Almost 40 years since my first big breakup, and I still hurt from it.
These things leave scars on your emotions. You never love as intensely afterwards.

All of them.

I have lived through 2 significant relationship breakdowns, one was my marriage and another which developed 9 years following the demise of my marriage. One relationship came to a sudden and unexpected end, not my choice. The second breakup was my choice but it was a very difficult one, and exquisitely painful.

No matter how cliche it may sound, time is a wonderful healer and coupled with a small handful of very close friends who listened to me with great patience I got through and have come out the other side richer for it. I would also like to add that I remain friends with both men, one of whom I count as one of my closest friends. Don’t expect the hurt of a relationship breakdown to be over quickly, generally speaking it does not happen like that.

When I broke up with my long time boyfriend who I started dating in high school and college. I was shaken to the core, crying jags, dry heaves in the morning, would just start trembling randomly. The loss was not only emotional it was physical, like a limb had been taken from my body. Basically really bad anxiety, and the anxiety was a million times worse than the depression for me.

My friends made sure I was rarely alone and they called and would listen to me cry.

What I learned from women a little older than me was this was not very uncommon and it usually took 4–6 months to start feeling normalish again. this was extremely helpful, because some people would say things along the lines of “they could not believe how upset I was” or they had no patience for me to be upset for weeks and weeks and weeks. Those types of things made me feel like I would never get over it, never get out of the agony. But knowing it does take months gave me a more accurate expectation so I was not so panicked.

After a few weeks the physical toll of losing weight and feeling nauseas and losing my appetite and waking up every morning desperate for things to be different I started taking Xanax. I took it 3 times a day for about 6 weeks and it was a Godsend. It is very addictive, so no one who is prone to addiction should use it I think, and I don’t think it should be used long term. Anyway, it helped get rid of the most severe of my physical problems.

If your friend is a man it is very common for them to talk about sleep disturbance rather than a total digestive upset, but it happens to them too.