I screwed up after a great first date. Can I fix this?

Try calling and if you can, tell him on the phone what’s been going on in your life. See if he will meet with you again face-to-face. Other than that, there’s not much you can do. And if he won’t listen or can’t understand, maybe he wasn’t so great. Good luck!

(And welcome to Fluther – this is a great community!)

Let him know what was going on and see what he says. If he has class he’ll understand and cut you some slack. I also sent you one of my questions. I teach screwing up 101. I think the best advice I got was to own up to it and be honest.

Normally I would say write this off, but if you really hit it off then it might be worth it. Call him and ask him to meet you for coffee. Tell him that your life was crazy for a few weeks, but things have settled down to normal now.

If he does not respond, then he has moved on. Just chalk it up to bad karma and you move on too.

I think you should ask for a second date and explain everything that happened to him and ask for a second chance. Honesty is key.

I know this isn’t exactly a helpful response, but I just wanted to say: Wow, that’s a lot going on in your life, all at once. Fluther is a great place to be, if you want to ask what we think about a situation, or whatever. I’m glad you’re here, and I hope you will be, too!

Thanks for all the feedback. I so appreciate it.

I’ll keep you posted.

@marcydawson Cool – we always want to know how situations turn out!

Welcome to Fluther.

Of course you should call him, how can you waste a second wondering “should I? shouldn’t I?”

I had dinner on Saturday with a younger female friend that it has taken a long time to get to know. I first met her over a year ago, then she moved out of the area but we kept in touch with emails (very sporadic on her part) about every four months. Now she has moved back to the area, but for the past three months I’ve been unavailable to meet because of my own family situation (caring for my uncle in his home).

So, finally, we’re both in the same area and free at about the same time, and we had dinner for the second time in about a year, maybe a year and a half. She opened up to me about some of her childhood – because I’ve given her some good reasons to trust me, and I’m totally in the friend zone, and knew it, and I’m okay with it – and her story blew me away. She told me that she has talked to a therapist about her childhood and her, let’s say, not “rocky” but “cliff-like” (as in, “kid, go jump off a cliff”) relationship with her parents. The therapist told her, essentially, that girls with her upbringing turn into junkies and whores, so she should consider herself a raving success story.

That was when I laughed, simply to agree wholeheartedly with her therapist and that method of not judging a patient, but still giving a yardstick by which she can make her own judgment. I told her that I liked her before, but having heard what she has been through, and survived, and improved upon (because she adores her own kids), I told her that I now have incredible respect and admiration for her as well. And that was when she started crying – in the good way.

The moral of this story is: Give people you like and trust a little of your life’s story and inform their opinions. Don’t keep him in the dark about how mysterious you are in this. Maybe he will form the wrong opinion and think you’re just too scatterbrained for his taste, but I’m guessing that won’t be what happens.

I would call and if you can’t speak to him, then send him a text or email with a brief explanation (even if you’ve already explained) and state that you had such a great time on date #1 that you’d like to see him again.

As others have said, if that doesn’t work then maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Please remember to post an update. We love updates!

JCA
The Update Lady

@janbb is absolutely right. Do what she suggests, and if he still doesn’t respond, move on.

Well…..
I called him and left a message, saying that my life had gotten crazy right after we met, and that I’d like to have coffee with him and say hi and catch up. Also that I had really liked the little bit of getting to know him and that I wasn’t thrilled that it wrapped up so awkwardly, regardless of what may or may not have come of it.
He called me back the next day and left a message on my voicemail, asked me to give him a call. I returned the call a couple of hours later and said “hopefully we’ll touch base soon.”

That was 5 days ago and I haven’t heard anything again.
I was actually so surprised that he returned my call at all, and now I am frustrated that he hasn’t returned my message. But he knows how to get ahold of me, so I guess it’s time to just let this one go. :(

I think your message “hopefully we’ll touch base soon” may have been a bit confusing, as it sounds kind of impersonal. That said, it is what it is and the ball is in his court.

Geez, I didn’t mean to sound impersonal. Yikes.

So I should not text him and follow up or anything?

I should send you my phone number and we could practice together. I seem to screw up in various ways before the first date.

You’ve all been so nice and supportive, I wanted to give you the wrap up here.

I received a very lovely text from this fella, saying how much he had enjoyed the little bit of getting to know me (and went on to list a number of flattering things about me) and that he has been seeing someone for the past month or so and wants to put his attention there for now and that perhaps our coffee can be saved for some future time. Which, I understand, means probably never, but it was a really nice way to have some closure and at least I tried.

Thanks for all of your responses!

@marcydawson: Closure is always a good thing :)