What are the expectations for a Gentile invited to Seder at Passover?

Ask your host. He should be happy to tell you. Usually, there are yarmulkes provided for the men. Have your wife and daughter bring headscarves in their purses.

Brace yourself for a possibly very long but interesting evening. Read up ahead of time on the history of the Passover and the traditional seder service. The book is called the Hagaddah, and there are dozens of different versions.

Don’t bring food; there is the issue of keeping kosher and the traditional menu.

Again, I would ask your host about kosher wine. Flowers or something useful, like pretty kitchen towels, would be appropriate. Or, simply enjoy the evening and send something afterwards.

This is infomative and may help.

The key word in your question is “orthodox.” If you were visiting a less strict and traditional family, you wouldn’t need to be concerned. Because your friend is orthodox, however, you’re doing the right thing by asking.

—Your host will require you to cover your head, but he’ll probably have something you can borrow and wear.

—Your wife and daughter should dress modestly. No, they don’t need to look dowdy, but they should cover their arms and shoulders, not wear anything with a low neckline, and choose below-the-knee hemlines.

—Please don’t make a dish or dessert. If you bring a gift of food, it’ll need to be both kosher and kosher for Passover. If you live in a diverse community, your local supermarket might have a Passover section. Passover cookies and candy are nice gifts.

—You can never go wrong with a bouquet of flowers.

—As @gailcalled mentioned, you can always call your friend for information. He’ll likely be delighted that you’re so caring and considerate and that you want to respect his beliefs.

Lucky you! I would live to do that. I had Passover dinner with a family once but they were not orthodox. I was looking forward to all the rememberances and the tradition. Although the company was delightful and the dinner delicious we did to get to experience a real Seder.
Please come back and tell us all about it!!

Here’s my bilingual Passover joke.

KIng Arthur and Merlin prepare to inspect the knights.

As they walk down the line, they see that the knights have polished armor, oiled visors and sharp lances.

Until they arrive at Corporal Nebbish, whose armor is dented, his visor rusted and squeaky, and his lance dull.

Arthur turns to Merlin and says:
“Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot?”

I’ll be back later with the translation, if you don’t feel like doing the research (or aren’t Jewish.) Unless someone else wants to chime in.

Funny, @gailcalled. When I looked up the translation, I found an entire page of Passover humor and jokes. My favorite is the Viagra joke.

@gailcalled I think you’ll have to… Google Translator is convinced that it is Swahili.

@gailcalled :-)

In @gailcalled ‘s absence, “Why is this (k)night different from all other (k)nights?”

Thanks, @janbb.

Anyone who needs any further exegesis, speak up.

I sure with I had known about fluther when we were invited to a Vietnamese wedding, what a debacle we Americans made of it and embarassed our friends. Bleh…

Orthodox? Wow. Good luck.

We do the atheist skeptic Reform Jewish seder. We blow through the story, skipping all the boring parts, sing songs, mention that there is no archeological evidence that Jews were ever in Egypt anyway, and then eat.

@Rarebear Would you please invite me to your seder? As much as I enjoy that first bite of Hillel sandwich, the long service is about as exciting as watching paint dry.

^^Word

I WANT to experience the long service at least once in my life.

@Rarebear ”...there is no archeological evidence that Jews were ever in Egypt anyway…”

I thought there was a lot of historical support behind the Moses story, including how a volcanic eruption could have been the source of the “plagues.” Interesting.

I went to @Rarebear‘s house for Seder once. It was quite the treat, esp. after going to an Orthodox Seder the year before.

@gorillapaws Nope. http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4191

Since it’s orthodox, I’d ask your host to be sure. Definitely don’t bring food, though.

When I was married to my ex-husband (he’s Jewish), we always invited gentiles to our seders. Ours were more like @Rarebear,‘s and loads of fun. I miss it! We did keep kosher on Passover, though, so even at our more relaxed affairs, we didn’t want anyone bringing food of any kind in.

Update: My friends are not Orthodox, as I thought, but Conservative. It was a wonderful evening. We were encouraged to ask questions at any time during the service. The “leader” was a wonderful gentleman of 90 years, the type of person I would like to be when I reach that age. The quality and tone of the conversation made me feel that I had been invited I to a jelly’s house.

@Yetanotheruser Cool! Discussion is often part of a seder – not to mention arguments!

@gailcalled – Non-married Orthodox women don’t cover their head/hair. (Some more modern Ortho married women don’t, either, especially when they are not at shul.)

The hair/head cover issue is not very cut and dried, I know. but it sure gives us something else to argue about.

@Yetanotheruser: What was the menu? Were there some unfamiliar foods? Did you enjoy the meal?

Although our host and the leader both wore their yarmulkas, I was not offered one, nor was there made any mention of head covering.

The menu started with the ritual elements; mahtzoh (unleavened bread), green onion for a bitter herb, etc.

Mahtzo ball soup, roast chicken, mixed veggies and garlic potatoes, with a chocolate marble “Passover” cake. Dinner started about sunset (7:00 pm) and we went well past midnight.

@Yetanotheruser: What? No oversalted hard-boiled egg soup? One of life’s delicacies, to be eaten once a year (or for a non-Jew, once a lifetime.) Or was my mother the only one who served that?

Was there the charoset (chopped apples and walnuts and wine) to spread on the matzoh or to use as grout for your crumbling dry wall later?

3 medium apples, peeled, cored, and finely diced
1½ cups walnut halves, lightly toasted, cooled, and coarsely chopped (I skip the toasting)
½ cup sweet red wine such as Manischewitz Extra Heavy Malaga
1½ teaspoons ground cinnamon.

Mix all together.

(And I see you were spared the gefulte fish with carrots and beet-flavorish horseradish…an acquired taste, which I do admit to loving. I am almost alone in this).

One pure seder is fun and informative. After that I want to be invited to @rarebear.‘s

Decades ago I was married into a, huge conservative/orthodox well-known Jewish family (who sold lumber) who lived in and around Boston. We always had the first seder in a large hall with two-hundred plus of us. The older men wanted to include everything; the younger, breezier generations used to hiss (sotto voce) “Skip that.” Or, “Don’t turn to to page 22, turn to page 49.” Lots of heckling and good-humored banter. I miss it.

@Yetanotheruser: So, how are you going to reciprocate? Have you got equally colorful events in your family’s life?

@gailcalled, next year I’m coming to your house for Passover.

Oh man, I forgot how much I love freshly made gefilte fish! The bottled stuff is awful, though.

Matzo ball soup is so good! I could never bring myself to try the gefilte fish, though.

@augustlan Me neither! My Mom used to make it from scratch err, fish and the smell made me nauseous.

Is there a significance to the gefilte fish on Passover?

@Judi It’s not a part of the ritual foods of the seder; just traditional.

Check out the French delicacy called “quenelles de brochette.” It is a fancy version of gefilte fish. (Both are dumplings made of chopped white fish.)