I'm about to be friend zoned by my crush. What do I do? Should I ignore my friend and my crush dating all together?

The first thing is you need to forget about being better, that is only going to lead you to failure. You need to see this situation as if you are worst, because none of the features you mentioned matter if you can’t tell her.

You need to remember what is at stake, and decide what you want. If you really want her be prepared to put your shyness on the side, otherwise you will look back at this with regret.

You won’t ever get to really know a girl if you use the term “friend zone.” You are the one with a crush, not her. You are not a victim. So ask her out. She’ll either say yes or no. But if you don’t ask her out, like tomorrow before noon, you are making a statement that you don’t want to date her.

Stop the crush/friend zone cycle: either ask her out or forget about it. If she says no but you become friends, perhaps someday if she becomes available she might go out with you.

Maybe she’s going for him because he’s less full of himself?

Read this and then re-read your question, and think about it.

Hm. I am not getting “full of himself” or “douche” from this question.

I’m getting the confusion that happens when a person is young and crushing and doesn’t get why someone he adores would prefer somebody else.

Who hasn’t been there?

These are those life experiences that feel vital right now, but you won’t die if she never realizes you are a better choice. You may think about her in your later days and wonder “what if?”, but this is only practice.

The only comfort lame as it is is that nothing will hurt you as badly in the future as the first rejection.

All you can do is be yourself and if she chooses your friend over you, accept it and try to give them (and you) some space. You may very well feel hurt so try to create enough space for you to heal so you can be happy for them.

As to being nervous, that’s natural. I’m sure your friend is nervous too. Don’t try to be something you aren’t to impress her. Just be friendly and warm and if the opportunity arises, ask her if she wants to go to the movies or for a coffee (or whatever is appropriate for you). If you don’t ask, you won’t know!

Why are you throwing in the towel before it has happened? Why don’t you ask her out first?
Go ahead and ask her out now. Think about how you interact with other girls you don’t have a crush on and try to act like that around her.

Romantic attraction is an amorphous bundle of intangibles, not a checklist of who’s the better catch. You count off so many things that make you “better” than your friend, but none of them will matter if the girl prefers another guy.

But, have you considered asking this girl out on a date? You’re sitting back, wishing you could be with her, yet you do nothing to start a relationship. Sorry to be so blunt, but you’re coming across as a wimp.

Also, you say that you’ll be “crushed’ and “change into someone new for the worst” if the girl dates your friend. Do you have any idea how overly-dramatic you seem? You talk as if you’ve been married to the girl for 20 years and some other guy is stealing her away and destroying the life you’ve built with her. She’s just a girl you really like, and that’s all.

There is no such thing as a “friend zone”, so just forget about that illusion. Just tell her that you are going to see a movie and ask if she wants to go with you.

@Haleth I loved the link!! Everything I have been thinking and haven’t taken the time or made the opportunity to say.

I have had this “nice guy v the asshole” thrown at me so many times. Heard many bitter declarations of women hate themselves they like the asshole etc. All the time I am thinking.. WTH?? But so many times the guys are just so involved in ranting or seem to be manipulating and putting passive aggressive pressure for pity sex I just listen and scramble away when I get the chance shaking my head.

True women like to chase too. We are not putting ourselves on an auction block and giving the pursuer full reign. But give and take, there have to be risks taken on either side.

Haleth is right on the money on this one.

The thing I noticed is you say you are wealthy but you can barely pose a coherent question, is it actually that your parents are wealthy and you somehow think this gives you some kind of superiority over other people?

I’m not sure what to make of your claim of changing for the worst if you’re ‘friendzoned’. Personally I would never allow someone, even a crush, change me in such a way. This is tough to answer because there seems to be no indication that she is even into you to begin with.

I’ll give you some advice here, but it’s advice based upon what I would do, and with such limited details I feel that’s all I can do anyways. The advice I’ll give you here is that love/relationships need to be a two-way street, so if the girl is not giving you any indication that she’s into you in some way as well then she likely isn’t into you anyways. Again, this advice is coming from a guy (shy one too) who would never even think about asking a girl out unless there was some type of connection to begin with.

Based upon my own experiences here, and from what I’m able to picture in my head from what little you’ve given me, I wouldn’t even ask her out, but move on. You will likely have better luck with a girl who actually shows that she likes you, rather than getting comfy with another person.

@SadieMartinPaul I don’t think it’s fair to call the OP a wimp, considering that many women themselves are rarely put in a position to risk being rejected by asking a guy out. The guy asked for advice, not insults.

@Paradox25 I frequently make the first move. In fact I like operating that way. I don’t feel inordinately outgoing or confident and find it is quite common among my female friends.

So for you to make a blanket statement about which sex has to take the “risks” well expect to be called on it.

On the topic of risk taking and putting “yourself out there” the more often you do it, the more comfortable you get with it and you increase your odds of success. I have a friend who is selective about his partners, but not looking for something long term who developed or shared this theory with me. As well as practices it. He is not out going either. In fact he is quite reclusive.

@Paradox25 “I don’t think it’s fair to call the OP a wimp, considering that many women themselves are rarely put in a position to risk being rejected by asking a guy out.”

I didn’t call him a wimp; I said he was “coming across as a wimp.” There’s a difference. But, I can understand how my words might have seemed too harsh, and I certainly didn’t mean to be cruel, insulting, or offensive. I sincerely apologize for any hurt.

@rosehips I never made a blank statement referring to which sex has to make the first move. I only pointed out that guys are expected to, and mostly still do have to be the ones risk rejection by making the first move. You can debate that point all you want, but it’s still mostly true regardless of what you and you’re friends are doing. I’m still trying to figure out what you’re calling me out on my good friend.