If you distance yourself from some family members do you begin to feel happy again?

Yes, I have relatives like that. Removing yourself from their lives is all you can do. You should not feel guilty.

I have stopped communication with people who are unhealthy for me to interact with in any way. Like you mention, I am only able to do so once I am confident that I have done as much as I can do to build a healthier relationship. Once the connection is severed, I do feel more at ease in my day-to-day life, and am free from guilt when their name comes up in conversation. Toxic people – whether lovers, relatives, or acquaintances – can drain one’s energy. Self-preservation is what leads me to separate from them, and only then am I free to thrive.

You have referred to the anguish and guilt that your family members have cost you on many occasions.

How about some therapy to learn how to control your depressions, disappointment, guilt, feelings of selfishness, anger and resentment? They seem to be overwhelming you at times; there are ways of dealing with them that can afford you more relief.

If you need to distance or detach yourself, then you should…learn how to before you suffer one more minute needlessly.

Dealing with these situations on your own hasn’t worked; get some help.

Try to find activities other than sitting in front of a computer 11 hours a day also. How about a walk with your dogs or husband or at least sitting on the porch with an iced tea and looking at the clouds? Plant your garden. Bake something for a neighbor. Help an old lady. Volunteer somewhere.

I just had to block my own son on Facebook. He is bipolar and at least for now I am evil. Although he “unfriended” me he was still sending me messages telling me not to send his children any gifts because he would just throw them away and basically blaming me for all his problems. They were so hurtful I would lie awake at night crying. I decided I didn’t need the stress and I will talk to him when he is well again. There is nothing I could do to fix a relationship with someone so irrational. I love him dearly but I think I just make things worse right now. His poor wife and kids. Living life walking on eggshells is no fun. I know because I was married to his father.

In other breaking news: fire is hot.

It’s a normal feeling, except for your physical ailments, that needs to be checked out.

You’re in a dreadful position. Each of needs distance from toxic, damaging people, and that includes family members. But, if you cut certain relatives out of your life, you can expect to feel guilty and remorseful. It’s a tough call.

I empathize. My brother and I are mostly estranged, for some reasons I understand, and others I don’t. I have to fight my sense of guilt constantly.

@Aster I feel for you and others that have problems dealing with family members, for whatever reason. Some how I got blessed with an incredible family. We pull together anytime one of us needs some help.

When people poison your life, you must separate from them. You have to be strong to help others and they are weakening you to a point where you can’t even help yourself. Be strong! Get a new phone number or email address if necessary.

My wife has panic attacks at the mere thought of her family knowing where we live, let alone having any sort of contact. with us.

We moved to Seattle, in part, to get away from them. We don’t return their phone calls, nor reply to any mail. My wife’s been happier that way.

You do what is best for you. If leaving a family member makes you feel better you choose that. Don’t feel guilty that is what they want, that is the emotion they have pulled to get a response from you and manipulate you. Choose the lesser of two evils, thats what I did. Yes I may ignore a family member but it’s better than dealing with their issues.

@jerv I’m so sorry. Family should be a plus, not a minus.

Well, you said they do drugs. Right there it is probably a lost cause to try to help them in the ways you have been. You might want to go to a few meetng with al anon to get some insight about having family members who are addicts and how to help yourself and them. You are enabling them probably and making yourself miserable in the meantime. In relationships the people need to mutually be supportive and have integrity, otherwise it will become destructive to ne or both.

At minimum draw a line make a boundary. Tell them you will not speak to them while they are using drugs. If they are using then they are deciding to cut-off not you. They are taking advantage of you. It does not only have to be abut drugs. You can tell them not to fill in the blank, or you won’t engage with them.

@JLeslie I may be wrong but I think Alanon’s message is how to not enable addicts. And one of the ways I have stopped is by not sending money on special days or at any time, for that matter. Another thing Alanon does, I suspect, is to teach people to not give in to the addict’s bid for sympathy. I used to argue and insult right back. Now I just listen to the craziness and lack of reality and culpability plus blame. Another is probably to look out for manipulation. I’ve been doing this crap for so many years I’m about to perfect it and start my own meetings. lol I have to work on not being depressed about it and to not talk about them endlessly with certain people who enjoy it just to have an entertaining conversation while I get sick. I am amazed how well I sleep at night by erasing them from my mind. Which isn’t that easy considering how much more comfortable I am than they are due to many things, one being wise choices.

@Aster I would say consider it a gift you can erase them for now. For now, while they are messed up, hopefully one day they get well. I assume none od these people are your children, that I think is the most difficult and complicated relationship.