What would your response have been?
Dropped in on some friends last night. A movie came on TV. It was filmed as though it were a documentary. Never did it say it was a “true story,” but the documentary style suggested that it was. Supposed to have happened in 2009, but no one knew about it because “someone” had taken all the footage and hidden it. Well, the producers of the movie had supposedly “found” all this secret footage.
It was called The Bay. The Chesapeake Bay was supposedly contaminated with fertilizers, chicken feces and there was the tiny matter of a nuclear power plant leaking a bit into the bay 9 years early. All of that supposedly created some mutant parasite that ate fish from the inside out and especially liked their tongues (I didn’t know that fish had tongues! Then it went after humans and just destroyed this small town in Maryland. It was ridiculous, right from the start….but the wife of our friend went for it as being a true story, hook, line and sinker. She kept yelling “Oh my God! Can you BELIEVE that? And this is TRUE!!!”
She’d look over at me and I’d say, “It is hard to believe.”
At the height of the plague the CDC instructed the head of the hospital to send all of his staff home. She REALLY came unglued over that.
I was just flabbergasted that she believed that crap! She really believed it!
At one point she said, “This is almost like a horror story, isn’t it!”
I said, “Yes. Yes it is like a horror story.”
She said, “Do you like horror stories?”
“No, not really,” I said.
“Neither do I she said, but this is REAL!!!”
Finally, toward the end, she began to question how some of the shots were taken, like in an empty building when supposedly no one else was around.
One shot like that I suggested that the implication (stressed the word implication) was that there was a security camera running…but had to confess that I had no idea how they’d obtained a second shot, from behind a doorway, in that same setting.
Other than that, I just kept my mouth shut.
What would you have done? This is the wife of my husband’s best friend, BTW. They’d lost track of each other many years ago, but we hooked up with them again about 2 years ago. The guys had gone outside, to the barn, while that movie was playing so they missed it all.
She’s a gun nut, conspiracy nut, Obama hater, BTW…
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45 Answers
I think I would have sat there and not said a word. And I would tell my husband he would have to see his friend without me, if she was present. The two guys could get together alone.
That surely crossed my mind. But…Rick and I don’t like doing things separately. His friend, on the other hand, always goes places without his wife. He’s been asking Rick to go to this big lake around here for a weekend of fishing. Rick says, “But I don’t want to go without you, Val!”
I said, “I wouldn’t get mad if you went, but I enjoy fishing…as long as it isn’t for catfish!” I have to admit, I’d also feel sad because Rick and I rarely go anywhere other than auctions and garage sales. But we’re always together. We haven’t been out of state for a few days in two or three years.
I would have said simply, “It isn’t true, it’s a horror film made in the style of a documentary. Filmmakers do this all the time.” Why would I pretend to go along? If she finds out later that it wasn’t a true story, it will just look like you were laughing at her.
I’d get new, non-fucking-moronic friends.
I would’ve let it go. Who cares if she’s naive? I would’ve just laughed it off with my husband later.
@glacial If she were a more open minded person, open to discussions I probably would have said something. But I believe it would have just created really hard feelings. Another example of the night was after that movie she was scanning through the TV programs she passed “White Men Can’t Jump.” I yelped because I LOVE that show. She settled on it briefly, then said, “I remember when basket ball teams were made up of all white men. Now they’re all black!” She was quite disgusted. I hazard to suggest that a higher percentage of black men are more athletic than white men. Then I followed that up with the comment that The Jackie Robinson Story was coming out this spring, and how excited I was to see it. She was…utterly disgusted with me.
@bob_ as I said, the husband is my husband’s best friend, from waaaay back. Long before he met his current wife. I’m not going to jeopardize that.
@livelaughlove21 I did let it go, but it was agonizing. I was all alone with her!
@Dutchess_III I totally feel your pain. I have a friend that’s a few light bulbs short of a tanning bed, and it’s hard to hold my tongue around her at times.
@Dutchess_III Well, personally, I’m not the type to go along to get along. I honestly don’t understand why we can’t all be ourselves and still get along. Just be honest, keep things light, and don’t speak in a judgmental way. Be clear that you disagree while respecting her right to be herself. But also be yourself. Otherwise, what’s the point in even interacting with other people at all? You may as well just sit there and stare.
I would have said that it was fiction.
@glacial You’re right that we should be able to speak up and be ourselves without someone getting offended, but that’s not always the case. This wasn’t her friend, so why say anything if she might get defensive, feel stupid, or get offended? What exactly would it accomplish?
I have a big mouth and I usually don’t mind speaking my mind, but in some social situations it’s not worth the trouble, especially if the other person isn’t very bright in the first place.
@livelaughlove21 “What exactly would it accomplish?”
It would allow her to maintain her personal integrity. And frankly, it shows more respect to the other woman to deal honestly with her.
@glacial I guess I just think it’s pointless to potentially start an argument over something so trivial. We can’t control how others take what we say. What I think is respectful might sound arrogant and condescending to someone else. I’d rather keep my mouth shut unless the issue at hand is important enough to address it.
@livelaughlove21 I totally get that, we just disagree. Nothing wrong with both of us expressing our true opinions and disagreeing respectfully.
I know, I know, I just couldn’t resist. ;)
@glacial but she wouldn’t have seen it as “showing respect.” Maybe I didn’t do the right thing but, honestly, there was no way to “prove” it right then and there (no internet service at her house,) except that it was so patently, obviously BS. What would I say? “This isn’t a true story.”
Her, “What do you mean? They SAID it’s a true story!”
Me, “Well, no they didn’t. I mean, I didn’t hear or see that.”
Her, “But you can tell by the footage that they found that’s it’s real!”
Me, ”........”
Seriously. Supposedly there was a digital camera holding the last footage of a couple of teenagers screwing around in the water, and dying a gruesome death, all caught on that camera. This camera spent a month under water—SALT water—and was found washed up on shore by a kid a month later and the footage was still good. If you can swallow that, there just isn’t much to say.
She DID start questioning some things at the end. Finally.
Either way you look it it, it was stupid, and she’d feel stupid, whether it was me telling her it was fake, or figuring it out for herself later.
Sounds to me like you handled it just right. You obviously saw the futility of trying to point out something that seemed to be false or misrepresented. Why risk offending your host over something as insignificant as this?
Kudos.
Thank you. I just didn’t know what to do! She has so many off-the-wall opinions and stuff. I enjoy their company as long as her husband and mine are around. Just us two, though, we have NOTHING in common.
@Dutchess_III I understand what you’re saying, and why you responded the way you did. But you asked how we would respond, and that’s what I’ve stated.
And I appreciate the answers. I’ll keep them in mind…maybe try another way next time. I mean, she said it was like a horror movie, then asked if I liked horror movies. I said No, she said she didn’t either…then we sat and watched it get more and more gross. Just a complete waste of an evening. I could have nipped it in the bud…
Well, @Dutchess_III, this is an example of why I rarely socialize. It frees me from (a) being subjected to inane conversation and (b) releases me from the responsibility of monitoring what I say in response to inane conversation.
On those occasions where I can’t avoid being social, I must continually remind myself that it’s not that important. No need to make a big deal over insignificance.
By the way, there actually is a parasite that eats the tongue of its host fish. I saw a Scishow episode about it.
Well, sure @RandomGirl. There were bits of actual facts thrown about here and there, with accurate medical diagnoses too. But these water living parasites somehow wound up getting passed to to people on dry land, via water fountains and stuff. Even though they were 6 inches long. The were giant, MUTANT parasites that were, apparently, invisible in water so people were drinking them.
@SABOTEUR I feel the same way.
My acquaintances all know I have a very literal mind. I would simply say “I’d have to do some serious research before I believed anything I see here.”
That would have been a good response, @YARNLADY! I’ll remember that…but you know, some people just WANT to believe so badly that they ignore all evidence to the contrary. When I was moving in born again Christian circles people would tell me about “miraculous” things they’d experienced. I quickly learned not to offer up a logical, natural possibility. My girlfriend once said, “Oh, Val! You always have to ruin everything!” Sorry… :(
@Dutchess_III Ah, ok. Definitely bizarre and creepy. Frustrating that the producers of the movie didn’t clarify that it was made up.
That would have defeated the whole purpose, I think @RandomGirl. If they’d come right out and said, “This is complete fiction,” no one in their right mind would have watched it. It was turrible!
It will be interesting to see if that docu-movie, The Bay, starts making the rounds as “Look what happened under Obama and he covered it up!!!”
The bottom line is people tend to believe what they want to believe. Oftentimes, nothing you say will change their perspective; pursuing the subject inevitably leads to arguments and potentially hurt feelings. Unless you like arguing and don’t mind being a jerk over your insistence on being right, you may as well allow the person to believe whatever they want to believe.
Why make myself insane in a mad attempt to cure your insanity?
I would have told her it wasn’t real. Nicely, but I would have told her the truth. Up to her whether she believes me or not.
I could only have said I didn’t THINK it was real. But…she never asked me if I thought it was or not. She just kept saying how believable it was, and “Can you believe this???”
I don’t hold back my view of the truth for fear of offending anyone. There are tactful ways to say, “This is not a true story,” without adding “you moron” at the end of the sentence. I’d have found a way to do that.
@CWOTUS Exactly. It doesn’t have to be “NO. You are WRONG.”
Yeah, I know @CWOTUS. But this particular person takes offense REALLY easily. She’s belligerent and so sure of herself. And, as I said, my biggest concern was impacting my husband’s friendship with his friend.
All I could really manage was “Yes, it is a little hard to believe, isn’t it.”
Then, when the CDC supposedly told the Doctor to send all of his staff home, and she said, “Oh, wouldn’t that just piss you off! I can’t believe they DID THAT!”
Me, “Yes. Of course it would upset me a lot,” with the implied “IF it really happened” trailing on the end…
I appreciate all of your responses. I’ll experiment a little next time.
LOL! Yeah, I said, “Yes. You would think that the CDC would consider the staff highly contaminated and would keep them in the hospital under quarantine, rather than sending them out to infect everyone outside of the hospital!”
She’s like, “Ya! You’d THINK!!! Sheesh!”
Which made her feel smarter than the CDC.
What I could have said would have been something like, “I don’t think the CDC would do that.”
To which she would have responded, “But they DID!! Look!!”
Mouth shut.
Her reaction to the truth – or others’ opinions – is her problem. You’ve read my responses here over the years, you know, I think, that I don’t have any problem saying whatever I think is true, and hang the consequences.
I don’t go looking for fights, and I can appreciate that you were trying to be diplomatic and avoid a confrontation, but there are so many ways that this scene could have played out:
“Aren’t there any better movies on? This one bores me because it’s so obviously false and overwrought.” How nice it would have been to be able to say – honestly – “Oh, we were at that little town in Maryland last year. What a lovely time we had!” or “I wonder what IMDB says about where this was filmed, because that’s not Maryland.”
LOL! “We visited that little town and those people are STILL stuck on the bridge, after 4 years!” (Supposedly they closed the bridge out of /into town down when it was full of cars. “And they never got off the bridge,” so the narration went.)
@Dutchess_III I would have said something like “I think this is one of those films where they shoot it like a documentary so you think it’s based on fact but look at blah blah… I know it looks very real but there are a few signs that give it away as fiction” then cite examples of why it is obviously not based on fact.
Yeah…I mumbled something about the Blair Witch Project to her. I don’t think she heard me.
I just sent her a text thanking her for the evening. They’re always so welcoming, even if we drop by unexpectedly. If only my husband wouldn’t disappear into the barn with O!!!
Send her a link to IMDB the Bay
That should convince her it is fiction.
She doesn’t “do computers.” That was part of my problem. I had no way to prove it to her. As far as she would have been concerned, it would have just been my opinion, and since I voted for Obama, all my opinions are negated.
I’ve never heard of the movie. But I found this and this. And also, this.
Yes @bkcunningham. I found all that too, at home. She doesn’t have a computer at her house so at the time I had no way to prove it.
I would have forgotten the visit an hour after I left the home.
There’s an old story concerning monks who observed a vow to have nothing to do with women. While traveling, they happened upon a woman who was having difficulty crossing a stream. One monk picks her up, carries her across the stream, sets her down and continues the journey. His traveling companion is outraged. For the next hour or so he berates his fellow monk for his outrageous behavior. Having heard enough of this rant, the monk who’d assisted the woman turned to the other monk, saying:
“I set the woman down quite a while ago. Why are you still carrying her?”
The problem with dealing with other people’s nonsense is that you risk making that nonsense your own. To me, it wouldn’t concern me so much about what my host believed or didn’t believe…I would be concerned with not allowing that misguided thinking to influence me.
That’s her shlitz.
No reason to make her shlitz mine.
I kind of felt like I was One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s nest…I was locked in a room with a crazy person and I couldn’t get out! But….it wasn’t Nurse Ratchett, thank goodness.
I’ve never really been in a situation like that, all alone. Did not like it, Sam I Am.
Thanks for the ideas, guys.
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