How would you feel if your spouse spent the night at her family's often?

I mean she gets bored cuz it’s just her and her husband so she visits all the time lol.

Sounds like it was her house, not the kids, so it doesn’t seem that odd to me. But you don’t say if they turn their attention to her, or if she interferes with them or leaves them alone.

Don’t try to second guess someone else’s marriage. They might both be perfectly happy about this.

Older couples, especially in a second marriage, realize that the relationship would be stronger with a little break time.

If you and the BF get your own place, then clear the air before you move in together that you want privacy, and not guest privileges for the mom.

Good answer.

There could be another reason: she still owns the house and is checking up on it.

Is the place a wreck every time she leaves? Are “the kids” capable of, or wiling to pay the bills, do the laundry, make sure the heating system is working, cut the grass, check the sump pump, etc.
Are they trustworthy? Are they working? Will they hold a house party if she is not there?
A home is a big investment. I figure she is asserting ownership until she sell it or they they buy her out and it becomes their place.

The “boredom” excuse she gives might just be a cover -up for her real motive.

Spending a couple nights a month with her kids that live an hour away? No, I wouldn’t be annoyed. They’re her kids – they’re important too. She loves and misses them, so why wouldn’t she go see them every so often? Spending a little time away from a spouse won’t kill you.

I wouldn’t be happy with the situation, but it sounds like it is understandable temporarily. I can’t guess exactly what is the best solution. I know you are Asian, is your bf Asian also? Is it a cultural custom that children stay at home until married? Not that American children don’t also live with their parents into their 20’s, but some cutures it is basically expected and so the mom might feel she needs to maintain the household for her children. This creates a situation where she is trying to the right thing by everyone, but makes her life a little complicated. Or, maybe she isn’t ready to sell her house, even though she is moved in with her new husband? I wouldn’t try to guess what is in her head. I assume she has talked about it with her husband and he understands where she is coming from and is ok with it for now.

I am a little confused by the details and where you come in to this living situation.

But I think her desire to be with her children is totally understandable. I don’t understand why her husband does not come with her.

Yeah he’s Cambodian.

marinelife, he used to come over to spend the night once ins while but is that they’re married they love together and I guess it’s her time with her kids. He has no children.

Livelaugove, more like 1–2 nights a week lol sometimes once every 2 weeks

@chelle21689 Oh well, that’s what happens when you marry a woman with kids. Especially in Asian families where, if I understand correctly, family is extremely important.

And I thought my family was close. We spend almost every weekend with a whole big family reunion of his cousins, siblings , aunts, uncles, and grandparents.if not that we are double daring with his sister lol

@chelle21689 Are the kids maintaining the house? Have you seen them clean up or do anything positive without Mom asking them to do it?
Here’s a data point for you. Answer this one. Is the refrigerator a mess? That is something that any renter should be able to control. Everything in there belongs to them. If it is a mess, I figure the rest of the house is a mess and they are incapable of living up to my standards on their own . I would not trust them with my property. Maybe that is what “Mom” is thinking.

Yes they are and I help sometimes because I stay there. We all take turns cooking. But yeah it’s all her stuff because its all still there.

One reason why I wish bf would move out and we have a place of our own but that’s a different issue lol