Do I have a right to ask to go on vacation too?

You need to sit down and talk out these issues with your boyfriend. You should tell him how you feel.

If you are afraid to ask him these questions, something is wrong here. You are supposed to be in a partnership. Just ask him if you are invited to Massachusetts, and tell him that you wish he had said so directly. You can do this without being angry or upset – so why should he react badly? Just talk to him.

It sounds like the rest of your question hinges on whether or not you are going to Massachusetts, so I would start with that.

You definitely have a big communication issue here. The two of you had made tacit plans together, and now he has changed it without checking with you first. It’s not just the loss of the airline credit, it is that he is choosing a trip with the cousin over a trip with you.

It would be different if he was still going on the trip with you. If I were you, I would frame it as it is his decision and choice about going with the cousin, and you are not trying to disrupt that, but you want to know how he is going to meet his promise/plans to go on a trip with you.

Good luck, this is a tough one for you. I hope he gets that this can be a relationship killer.

Oh I plan on talking about it. I just have a bad habit of asking questions for every single thing because I love hearing opinions and advice that I can take into consideration.

Communication, communication, communication.

Issue #1: You need to talk to him about potentially canceling your plans and making others without talking to you about it. This is unacceptable if that credit belongs to both of you. You have a say in how it’s used, so stand up for yourself.

Issue #2: Easy. Simply ask if you’re invited on the trip. If you’re uncomfortable asking your boyfriend a simple question, this trip is the least of your problems.

I certainly wouldn’t be happy if my husband canceled a trip we planned and acted so nonchalant about it, as if I’m just supposed to go along. No sir.

…which is why I’m the one that takes the lead in planning vacations. He wouldn’t even know where to start. :)

I better be invited lol. I’m so sick of feeling left out as his whole family reminisces all the memories all the time they visited mass. I mean I don’t see why it would be weird unless they have no room at all because I went to the family wedding in FL

Do you have a right to go? No. Would it be nice if you were included? Yes.

Ask your boyfriend if his plans included you going with him.

It does not necessarily bode well for the relationship that he presented the change in vacation plans to you as a fait accompli without any prior discussion.

It seems to me that you had an issue about something like this with the same(?) or another boyfriend a few years ago – not being asked to go on a trip. What do you think is going on with your relationships and communication that you allow these things to fester? Maybe you are not getting from relationships what you want.

Huh? I don’t think it was the same guy. I’m not good at talks although I try. I find them so awkward and that I complain too much. Lol text is so much easier

I don’t remember anything about vacation and a guy a few years ago

@chelle21689 I may be wrong but I’m pretty sure you were talking about a boyfriend going away for a weekend or something with some friends and you not being included.

ohh no I think it was his friends going away on a weekend trip and he couldn’t go. My cousin was going and I was going to go but he thought it was weird and felt uncomfortable about me hanging with his friends without him there not that they’d hit on me or anything. That’s a diff story and topic

I don’t understand why you aren’t confronting him if you’re upset? Relationships involve communication, and if they’re ‘our’ credits, why aren’t you telling him to use his allotted ‘half’ of the credits and no more. And just ask if you’re invited to Mass?

Seems to me like you’re being way too passive-aggressive about it, and he’s kind of disregarding your feelings (maybe he’s just excited?) about the credits, your planned trip, and whether you’re invited on ‘his’ trip.

@chelle21689 It’s actually the same topic – poor communication.

I too thought of that earlier question, here:

http://www.fluther.com/141874/is-it-wrong-to-go-on-a-trip-without-my-boyfriend/

The details are different but the dynamics are the same. You need to remind yourself of what a loving and mutually satisfying relationship is.

This continues (if it’s the same guy) not to be one.

I don’t understand the question. Whose credit is it? Who pays the bill? Are you two living together/sharing expenses? I agree that you need to communicate with him, but if this is a problem, maybe it would be better in this relatiohship to not pool resources as much. Maybe you both should have your own bank accounts and your own airline credits. Not saying that is a bad thing – in some relationships it just works better.

I do think it stinks that the two of you had a plan to go somewhere and he just ditched that.

However, on the grander scene as everyone points out: communication.
I speculate that if you know some fundamental rules about discussion/argument/fair-fighting/friendly-fighting for couples that you would feel much more comfortable about airing an issue. Here are some examples. The idea is to create a safe environment for communication by observing boundaries for respectful dialogue and listening. If you both feel safe, and heard, and you both are care-ful then you can trust each other and communicate anything.

So look these over yourself but while you’re at it, share these communication power tools with him. If he does not respond to building this kind of trusting rapport with you then I have to recommend that you find someone who will.

I asked him yesterday and he simply said “whoever wanna come can come” lol ANDDDD we’re going on that TRIP still

Well now that’s a happy ending! Glad to hear it.

Moral of the story: Speak up!