If a friend of yours loses their mother, do you address the condolence card to only your friend, or to your friend and their spouse?

No customs for grieving folks. Follow your own heart.

Personally, I would deal directly with the mourner. It’s his mother, after all.

In the early stages of grief, however, nuances don’t matter. The instinct to send him some affection or comfort does. (And don’t obsess over your choice words. That is unimportant also.)

Address the envelope to both, direct the message to him.

The deceased wasn’t the wife’s mother, was she? No, I’d address it to the friend only.

I would address to him and family if there are kids involved too. If not him and the spouse. But like gail said the important thing is you’re thinking of them and ending thoughts and prayers their way.

What @gailcalled said.

edit: ”...choice of words.”

Good form does expect the address on the envelop to match the salutation…choose either him or them for both parts.

The “wild card” in this is how well you know what the relationship amongst all the people was like. Yes, addressing it to the mourning son is appropriate, but it is important to know if the wife and the mother were close. In some families, the spouse is just as close as the child.

@zenvelo Good point. There’s other times when they hate each other. That would make a difference.

I’d address to my friend only.

If I was going to write a personal note to my good friend, I would address it to my friend. If I was going to send some general “thinking of you” card/note, I would address the family.

I would address it to Friend and Family.

Unless I know my friend’s family, I usually address the card and message only to him/her, but include condolences to the entire family in my hand-written message. And I always try to include a happy personal recollection of the deceased, hoping to bring a smile to my friend’s face.

If I do know the family, I sometimes send two cards—one to the entire family and a more directed one to my friend. However, do whatever you feel is right, as @gailcalled wisely says. Condolence messages are always appreciated.