Do people get more selfish as they get older?

Personally, I used to be much more selfish when I was younger than I am today. So I would argue based on my own experience that no, you do not get more selfish with age.

As for your situation, from seeing my mother and how she acts, if they are anything alike, it is not so much to do with her biological family, as it is to do with not being able to be bothered to put in any more effort than she already has to.

Last week my father organized a social event, dinner at a restaurant for 30 people. A couple days before the dinner, he was informed that an additional person would be attending, and he made a big drama out of it, claiming how he had to redo all the seating arrangements. He made a big deal, out of printing a name on a bit of paper and telling the restaurant manager he would require another chair, to such an extent, that you would think someone had just told him he would be in charge of logistics for the next Olympics.

I would imagine, your mother was probably thinking “well fuck me, that’s another trip to the grocery store and another hour in the kitchen, thanks” rather than anything to do with blood lines or what not. She probably feels she has the full work load, and is just tired of being the one who always has to do everything for every Christmas, thanks giving, Easter, and so on.

I don’t think it’s an age thing. Like @poisonedantidote I think I am probably less selfish than I was in my youth, not that I recall being selfish then. I do have more to share now though. Is this a change in your mother or has she always been this way and you are more aware of it now? It must be quite hurtful for your stepsister to be cut out of family events.

Pull the ripchord. it sounds far too complicated. cash in some air-points and visit me!

Can I come too @cazzie? No selfish mum here but sounds like fun.

@Bellatrix the more the merrier…. just decide…. who is the hatter and etc…. but I am Alice… I must insist.

@Adirondackwannabe I agree with @poisonedantidote. My mom gets annoyed when she has plans and then the plans change..she gets flustered and tired more easily now that she is older.

I’m the Cheshire Cat for sure. :-) (Backing away from your thread now Mr A.)

Ooohhhh oooooohhhhh can I be the caterpillar please?? Smokin hot caterpillar!

Seriously I’m less selfish but in my experience some older people ( emphasis on Some), do get stressed with change, my dad is hopeless if we change plans he can’t cope, it’s not selfish it’s just managing one’s world around him in a way he can live with.

For me I say the more the merrier everyone’s welcome bring your own pillow.

As I get older I’m not more selfish but I allow myself the right to not put up with other people’s b$&*# shit anymore and I no long feel I have to suffer silently. That includes not so nice family members who still think the universe revolves around them!

The answer is not necessarily. Two more adult mouths to feed is kind of a big deal, but I would see why your niece would want them there.

It would have been gracious of your mother to have welcomed them, but not everyone is gracious.

You guys just gave me the answer. When she has them as guests, she feels like she needs to socialize with them. That means she has to spend less time cooking and rely on us to get everything done. She always liked to control things in the kitchen. I’ll cut her some slack and help out more in the kitchen. Thanks so much.

@poisonedantidote You described it so well! My mother has the same reaction. Now that I’m older I understand where she was coming from.

@Adirondackwannabe You are incredibly awesome. Mwah!!!!

I like a man who is good in the kitchen. But maybe she’d freak even more with someone invading her space maybe you could look after and entertain the additional guests so she doesn’t have to worry, and leave her to the kitchen where she rocks? But help out with the dishes afterwards dish elves also rock!
/)/)
(’.’ )
This bunny is really coming in very handy! Happy Easter

@Arewethereyet No worries. @Adirondackwannabe is great in the kitchen.

@Earthgirl Thank you. That was very sweet.
@Arewethereyet She trusts me completely with my kitchen skills, plus the guests are her age and have similar interests. I wouldn’t be good at entertaining them. But that’s not a bad idea.

Oooohhhh kitchen skills, now I’m seriously impressed. In our house the equivalent is successfully using a can opener! I can’t even get them to put their dishes in the dishwasher, so kitchen skills are high on my list of desirable attributes in a guest.

@Arewethereyet At Thanksgiving I did all the finish work. I heard the guests mentioned in the question ask if I was a good cook. My niece told her I was a very good cook. I smiled to myself.

Big smile…I hope they will really enjoy their visit, your mum is lucky to have you in her kitchen

@Arewethereyet The way to a woman’s heart also runs through her stomach. Or also just helping out around the house.

Awe shit now I’m a gonner, did you say “help around the house”?

I vacuum, help with the laundry, empty the dishwasher, sweep the floors. But I do snore

“This bunny is really coming in very handy!”
LOL, Looks like the “nofurbelow” is leaving furballs everywhere she goes ;D
@Adirondackwannabe it’s a good thing you vacuum!

BTW, no loping off bunny feet for good luck charms in the kitchen, mr.“good kitchen helper” lmao.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl Oh god I could never hurt any animal.

Back to your questions. Some do and some don’t. My grandmother made some comment to which I responded that I wasn’t particularly interested in material things. She said, “Wait until you get older and you will be.” She was wrong about me, but she certainly was more materialistic than I was or ever will be. I don’t think it was a matter of age. The older ladies you mention see (perhaps wisely) the work that more guests entail. It doesn’t get easier as you age. And letting go the idea that it has to be “the way you’ve always done it” also plays into the reaction. Divide the chores and give your older relatives a rest.

Your example has nothing to do with age. I suspect that is just her stand at any age.I however think some people do get stuck in their ways as they wrinkle.
If I get that way, just take me out with the trash.
Easter is the perfect time to celebrate the new life that they are making.
Tell your Mother that I said she should do it!!!

Followup. I got there early, jumped into the cooking to free her up to socialize. And I consulted with her about every dish. Things went amazingly good. We had a great time. It was a fun day. Thanks guys.

@Adirondackwannabe Awesome!!

@nofurbelowsbatgirl It went really well, but you guys deserve the credit for helping me figure out what was going on.

@Adirondackwannabe you are awesome for helping anyway :)

I enjoy helping out. I’m good in the kitchen. I’m not going to sit on my ass and expect to be waited on. It makes life so much easier when many hands jump in. And our guests jumped in and helped too. That surprised me.