Have you ever had to discipline someone else's child?

I heard this being discussed on telly this morning and everyone agrees with the blind eye theory. But I tell you what, if some kid was dragging my dog across the floor while the mother ignored the situation, I would be yelling plenty and I wouldn’t care if it ruined the friendship. I am sure the friendship would be ruined too if my dog nipped the offending child. Parents should teach their children how to behave around dogs because not all dogs are tolerant and the world cannot be childproofed, sometimes the child has to learn some discipline.

I did have problems with kids in my shop. Often parents would ignore the kid playing with expensive artefacts. I had no hesitation telling the child to stop and if a parent did not like my doing so I told them to watch the kid or get out. I guess we lost some business that way but probably saved more in damaged goods.

This reminds me of the question about whether parents are responsible for their children and many said kids will be kids and parents did not have any responsibility. I think that is ridiculous, parents should be responsible for their children and if they damage anyone or anything, they should be liable for the costs incurred.

But no, I wouldn’t smack someone’s kid, mostly because you would probably get sued for doing it!

I personally see no difference between nieces and nephews and a friend’s child. Either way, the kid’s not mine. I don’t like kids in general, so I don’t babysit. If I were to babysit, it would have to be a baby baby, one that doesn’t require discipline. So, no, I’ve never punished someone else’s kid.

My husband’s aunt watches kids for a living and all the parents know that she spanks them. In fact, my sister-in-law said she spanked one of them for staring at another child. Needless to say, this woman won’t be alone with my kids – ever. If I had children, I don’t think I’d be comfortable with anyone physically punishing them unless it was my husband and me or our mothers, who are very permissive with grand kids and probably wouldn’t do it anyways. I’d prefer a babysitter to give a time-out or something like that and tell me what happened when I get home. The kid wouldn’t get a spanking from me at that point either, though, because spankings hours after the act are useless.

I’d also like to point out that, at least in my state, corporal punishment is legal as long as you’re the parent. Hitting other people’s kids is against the law.

Correct a child’s behavior? Absoutely. Tell them to stop, have to leave a place because they are acting up, physically grabbing them and carrying them out, not allowing them to run around the pool, separating them from their sibling because they punched the other one, scolding them verbally for being rude.

But, it is so very rare. Usually kids behave very well when away from their parents in my experience.

Oh, I’ll add that I will tell kids not to play on an escalator or not do something I find dangerous whether they are in my care or not, I’ll do it as a stranger.

“physically punishing a child”

:(

For me never physically punishing, but I would not do that to my own kids. I am always stunned when parents who use corporal punishment are just fine with other people hitting their kids also. A lot of parents are fine with it.

Of course. I used to be a preschool teacher.

But when it comes to friends, I know to make certain we’re all on the same page as far as disciplinary preferences. Where’s the time-out chair? Am I allowed to send him or does he get a referral to a parent?

Some people are utterly crazy about not letting other people take dangerous things away from their kid, or correcting a kid before he hurts himself or someone else.

On the other hand my kid is “free range” and I don’t stop him from climbing to lofty heights, and it kind of bugs me when other people try to get him down. The kid SHOULD learn how to climb and jump and talk to strangers without being tempted by white vans and clown costumes. Life skills, people.

I don’t babysit often, because I typically can’t stand OPKs (other people’s kids), but my best friend and I agreed long ago that we could discipline each other’s children just as we would discipline our own. I’ve only had to fuss at her kids a few times, and swatted her daughter on the hiney once, for seriously misbehaving. That friend also swatted my oldest daughter’s hiney once or twice.

I would never accept it if anybody would slap my children or disciplin them in a serious way. If they misbehave, they should be corrected and I would support anyone who does so, punishment is not part of that, though.

(With serious, I mean serious. A teacher that needs to hand out extra homework, would of course in general get my support. I would still see that as a form of correction. It would make me question why it got to that level, though and I would discuss with the teacher if we need to change anything.)

In my experience punishment is rarely necesarry and a very ineffective tool in raising one’s children. For that reason, it would be my very last resort.

Other people’s children have never ever tempted me to punish them either. Just taking them aside and explaining that whatever they do is unacceptable has so far proven to be very effective. If children would ever continue to misbehave, I would send them home.

And of course I have had those situations and every time I intervened, the children have curbed their behavior.

If ever a grown up would slap any of my children, they would have to answer to me and I might even involve the police.

I won’t physically discipline someone’s child but I have verbally taken them (the child) to task. My neighbours uses me as a threat to their kids if they don’t behave.

On one occasion, I took pictures of a child about to eat his snack on the train despite his grandmother telling him not to. Showed it to him and said “I’m going to show it to the authorities that he’s breaking the law.” while winking at his grandmother when he was not looking. Good thing she was in it. At least he behaved after that.

I always find it interesting how different people define discipline when related to children. Discipline to me never means doing something physical to a child like spanking, hitting, whipping, or any other corporal type of punishment. The only physical thing I can understand is sometimes having to physically remove a child from a situation, and by that I mean picking them up and carrying them out, usually in a public situation, usually very young children. but not physically causing them any harm, more because it simply their behavior is innapropriate and bothering others.

I find the word discipline interesting because ai hear people who approve of corporal punishmen say things like, “kids need discipline,” and I agree, they need expectations given to them, consequences to their actions, guidance on what behavior is appropriate, that to me is discipline, but I guess not to them. To those parents discipline is hitting them.

@JLeslie I would trust you with my hildren anytime. :-)

@Velvetinenut See, that would bother me.

I teach my child that it’s important to follow rules because the rules have a purpose, not because one will be punished if they don’t follow them. I certainly wouldn’t lie to a child and tell them the cops are going to come after them if they eat a bag of Cheetos.

Oh, and don’t take pictures of my kid without my permission.

People who believe in corporal punishment might say that those who don’t are quick to assume they are beating their kids for the smallest infraction. This, of course, is not usually true. Spanking to the point of leaving marks or really hurting the kid isn’t corporal punishment – it’s abuse. These two things should not be confused. It’s also not true that parents that do spank their kids use that in lieu of other forms of discipline. Most parents that spank (not abuse) their kids use that as a last resort when time-outs and talking don’t cut it.

It’s a controversial form of punishment and neither spankers or non-spankers are truly “right.” I don’t make it my business to tell parents how to raise their kids and, after growing up with a sibling that responded to nothing but corporal punishment, I know all kids are different and what works for your kid may not work for all kids. I, for one, was never spanked as a child.

I don’t have strong feelings either way, as I don’t have kids, but I hardly think a light pop on the bottom of a child that won’t listen to get his/her attention is child abuse. It’s instrumental aggression, not hostile. As a psychology student, I know research shows spanking is not more effective than any other form of discipline, but individual kids don’t care about statistics. I say, whatever works best for you and your child should be fine for the rest of the world, provided you aren’t really harming that child.

@livelaughlove21

Children are not the property of their parents.

So in principle, I feel that people around them can and maybe even should speak up when they think that parents mistreat their children. That is a step onto very thin ice, though, and I would likely hesitate to intervene.

In many ‘civilzed’ countries, corporal punishment is forbidden by law.

@whitenoise I didn’t say they were property, and I also think I was clear about distinguishing corporal punishment from abuse/mistreatment. In the US, corporal punishment is legal. Therefore, you speaking up would be pointless, and it’s certainly not your duty to do so. Disagreeing with something doesn’t give one the right to intervene in a completely legal action.

Thanks for your answers everyone. I should have said in the question that I would rather this didn’t turn in to a “to smack or not to smack” question as there are loads of those already. It’s more about whether you would use whatever you chosen form of discipline is with other peoples children. So far it has remained very polite but I have a horrible feeling this could turn into a heated debate about what whether smacking is acceptable or not and that wasn’t the point of my question.

@Leanne1986 My bad. Sorry for going off topic. I’m done. :)

Wow. I’m off my game. Didn’t even notice the bit about spanking in the OP. No, I’ve never hit another person’s child. I’m guilty of spanking my own a few times, but never consciously – it’s always been out of shock or anger. Each time it has ended with me in tears apologising to my son. I’m from an abusive household and I fear the subconscious has a pretty strong hold. It’s something I’m fervently not proud of, but am working on correcting.

@livelaughlove21
I didn’t say you said they were property. I said they are not, because I feel that sometimes parents think they have exclusive decision rights over how their children are to be treated.

Children are relatively underpowered creatures. If a grown up sees a child being misstreated, I think the grown up should protect the child. A parent doesn’t have exclusivity over the child and therefore no carte blanche to mistreat it.

Now… Again parents do have rights to be left alone and raise their children to their best belief as long as they do not mistreat the child.

The discussion whether a child is mistreated by corporal punishment is a tricky one, but if you truly believe a child is being hurt, you should speak your mind, I feel. In general when you see an obvious wrong and look the other way, that is a choice.

It would just be better if people wouldn’t hit their children in public.

And @Leanne1986, the extent to which you feel others can intervene with your children is awfully close to the extent to which people are allowed to intervene when you interact with your own. And did you really expect to ask people’s opinion on slapping someone else’s child (as per the article) and not have this discussion come up. Or at least skim its fringes?

Ok one more…

@whitenoise “It would just be better if people wouldn’t hit their children in public.”

I completely agree.

@whitenoise Actually yes I do think we can talking about this without touching too much on the to slap or not to slap argument that has been done to death here. This is a different question entirely for me. If someone believes that corporal punishment is ok and they disciplined their own children that way then I am happy for them to discuss whether or not they would be happy with someone else disciplining their child in the same manner or if they would discipline someone else’s child in the same manner (and the reasons why/why not) but I would rather it didn’t turn into a discussion about whether it is ok for a parent to discipline their own child with corporal punishment or not as that wasn’t the question.

Yes, on occasion. It takes a lot to set me off so I have noticed that when I have to disipline a child the only ones who might take offense is the parent or parents whose job I am doing. Everyone else looks relieved that someone finally did something.

@Leanne1986 It is interesting to think about this. Let’s say I leave my child in someone else’s care and that person believes in spanking, do they feel it is ok to spank other people’s children? Or, would they think to ask if it is ok? Or, does the parent of the child think to say, “I don’t believe in spanking; please don’t use that when caring for my child.” I don’t think I would think to tell someone that. I would expect an adult to take measures to control my child if they acted up, or stop them from doing something unsafe, but my mind never goes to someone else might spank my kid.

Now, many of the examples in the article are with the parent right there. Right there not “disciplining” their child, and that is the big problem. It isn’t the child misbehaving, it is that their parent isn’t educating them on what is appropriate behavior, and probably not an example of good behavior themselves. Maybe the parent needs a talking to and not the child. I try not to be too critical of parents, because I understand they pick their battles, and that it can be exhausting for a parent. But, some things deserve some criticism I think. When a child is harming an animal or making a mess, those need to be addressed.

My niece tells me things she won’t tell her dad but I respect her privacy because she’s wanting an adults pov about issues. She knows the pro’s and con’s and repercussions, then makes an educated choice.

Neighbor kids sometimes act up, like big brother knocking little brother down, and unless it seems ugly or continual, I let it go. I will tell them their behavior is wrong and I better not see it again or I will go talk to their parents. That usually makes them act right, for a while.

@JLeslie GA thank you.

Taking smacking out of the equation, what about things like the naughty step? A specific example, if a group of parents get together while their children play and one parent sees another’s child acting up but their own parent didn’t (or chose to ignore it), is it ok for the person that did see to remove that child from the situation for time out? Part of me feels that is undermining the parent but I’m sure we have all been in a situation where a child was blatantly misbehaving and the parent was turning a blind eye to it. It gets to the point where, as @JLeslie said, the parent is clearly not providing the education that the child needs to behave in a polite manner. Would you step in?

@Leanne1986 I only step in if it endangers the child or people around them. It usually is not disciplining though in my mind. The child is not in trouble, I am just advising what they should do to be safe, and expecting them to be obedient to what I tell them. If a child is out of control, but not in danger, if I was going to say anything I would say it to the parent most likely, but that would be very rare. If they are clueless they won’t give a damn what I tell them.

With a group of moms as you described, when I am present, I would not want someone putting my child in time out. I would never do that to someone else’s child I don’t think.

Yes I have their child was bad as fuck shit

How bad, exactly, is fuck shit?

The kid tried hit me and slapped my ass plus he never listened to me

I have intervened when children are behaving dangerously in public or look like they’re about to break (or steal) something in a store. I will certainly correct behavior or even put a child in time out if I’m babysitting them.

If a group of family or friends are together and one of the parents is ignoring what their kid is doing, I may say something to the child (loudly enough for the parent to hear): “Please don’t jump on my couch.” Or, I may talk to the parent directly: “I’m afraid little Johnny is going to fall down those steps/hurt that other child/break that mirror/etc.” If a child was physically hurting one of my animals (or one of my children!), I’d physically remove them from the object of their torment if words alone didn’t do the trick. I’d be fine with anyone doing the same regarding my children.

I would never spank a child who wasn’t my own, and have tried hard to never do that to my own children. I would be furious if someone else used corporal punishment with one of my kids.

Well, yeah. I ran a full time daycare for 3 years, and I taught school. I never spanked other people’s kids, though.

If the parent was ignoring their kid’s bad behavior I’d address the parent directly. I remember once my friend was visiting with her daughter, who was about 6. I had two large matching Mexican pots that I really liked. They were on the back patio and empty at the moment Her daughter picked one up for some reason and was staggering across the patio with it. It was about as tall as her waist. Her mom told her to put it down. She did, and as soon as mom’s back was turned she picked it up again…and dropped it. It broke. Mom hollered at her a little, but other than that, she didn’t do anything.
A few days later my friend shows up with the UGLIEST little ceramic plant pot I had ever seen! It was green and brown and ugly. She gave it to me to compensate for the pot her daughter broke. She called it good, considered us even. I politely said “Thank you.”

One time when I was 17 and 8 months pregnant my neighbor asked me to look after her 6 kids for her because if I didn’t they would be left alone all day.

Now just remember I was 17 I didn’t have much life experience and I had left my family so I really was left on my own living in the worst area possible with basically trailer park neighbors…I know different and better now.

Anyway, the kids ranged in ages from 12 – 5. The 8yr old was not cooperating at all he was throwing things and screaming and biting his siblings for no reason. I told him if he keeps it up I will tell his mother. That didn’t work. The kid started to actually full on hit me in my belly, I reacted the only way at that time I knew how and slapped him in his face hard enough to leave a mark, he stopped hitting me. I told the mother when she got home, she didn’t seem concerned with me or her son. I found out later on that the child had a mental illness. I totally was not prepared for that I was also probably not ready to handle that. I have never hit any children since, I felt so bad for that.

I one time looked after another child and because I became so relaxed in my parenting skills I believed it was good for my kid to climb things and so on. And would’nt you know my kid ends up face planting on the metal bunkbed and putting both front teeth right through her lip :/ I never saw so much blood before that time. After that I never babysat again.

@nofurbelowsbatgirl Why in the world would the mother not tell you one of the children she was leaving with you had a mental illness?

@livelaughlove21 Well for the same reason she would think it is ok to leave them all alone if I said no. When I was 17 I was trying to prove a point. I lived in an area (not for very long thank goodness) that was so run down and infested with whatever you can imagine it doesn’t even exist anymore, it is now an office building. The neighbors embraced that lifestyle completley and it showed through the lack of their parenting skills,
fortunatley or unfortunatley they are one of the reasons I try to always make myself a better person. That is the only thing I can come up with anyway.

I would never physically discipline a child that wasn’t mine. I would step in if I saw a child doing something I thought was dangerous or antisocial. For instance, I once saw a little person (about 2.5) walking along the top of a very, very steep hill. People jump off this hill to hang glide. It just drops away. She was obviously not steady on her legs. So I herded her away from the edge. One of her parents came up and said ‘oh she was fine’. She wouldn’t have been if she’d walked another foot over the the side! I’ve told children off if they are behaving in a manner that’s likely to hurt others too. Not that I go around doing this, but I have in the past.