How comfortable are you with confrontation?

Oh, that kind of confrontation!
For some reason, I’m good at pursuing answers in terms of medical results, bureaucratic processes, etc. I guess it was just a matter of practice and just developing confidence. It’s much easier for me with people whom I do not know. I remind myself that they are paid to help people with questions like mine. I am very polite and respectful, but I do not present myself to them as if I’m asking for a favor.

I fear/hate confrontation with friends and partners, however. Just gotta work consciously at that and do my best.

Glad to see you back around here, by the way!

Sometimes very good, as in a business situation when trying to correct some kind of mistake); sometimes awful, as with my brother when dealing with a family issue. I’m not afraid of confrontations, but I avoid them when I can.

Wanna make something out of it !!! ???

I do it with ease. When I was in lending and I turned down someone for a loan, and they got angry and said I can get the loan from someone else, I’d say go ahead and do that. You want to see smoke come out of someone’s ears try that. I didn’t do it to be mean, but just to call their bluff.

Lemme at it! I’ll tear it limb from limb!

Now, if you can recognize the source of the quote above, that is how I normally handle confrontation.

I am lousy at it, and have only improved slightly. I get flustered easily, and once that happens I get frustrated with myself and it carries over to the whole interaction… it’s a snowball effect. Thankfully, my partner is much better than I, so I let him handle things that involve us both, and I observe and take notes.

I am very bad at confrontation and I avoid it very often – which is too often, of course. I just let things drift away with time or accept things as they are or I disappear. I definitely wish to become better at it.

I certainly would not choose confronting someone as the activité du jour, but I can and do do it when necessary.

In this case, practice does make perfect.

1. Prepare; that means marshalling your evidence and if possible, documentation.

2. Make contact.

3. Present your case calmly and in a straightforward manner. No hyperbole, no shrill voice, no crying, no venting and no belligerence.

4. State your piece and then shut up and listen. Do not prepare a rebuttal while the other guy is speaking.

5. Don’t be afraid of a little silence. It is a powerful ally.

6. if the person being confronted becomes antagonistic, practice the art of asking a question.

I just had a dust-up with Verizonwireless and got the result I wanted (without any acknowledgment of guilt on their part, but I let that go.)

I just got double-billed from a local lawyer. I got that taken care of plus an apology from the Legal Assistant. If I hadn’t been paying attention, i would have paid twice.

I thought this over a bit, and I realized I grew up in a family that valued strength and character as personality traits. My grandfather, grandmother, and father were all incredibly strong personalities. And I hung out with them all the time. Maybe that explains a bit of it.

I don’t like to, but I do it.

I find it very hard to confront. This comes, I think, from the anxiety I felt as a kid watching the storms between my rebellious older brother and my parents, and between my mom and dad for that matter. That all made me quite conflict-averse. Even watching confrontation, e.g. an aggressive interview on the news, makes me uncomfortable.

That has a good side, and a bad side. It has made me develop a lot of finesse in finding non-conflictual ways of dealing with problems. That can be very effective. Confrontation typically makes people put up their defenses and resist seeing the problem with their behavior. I find that addressing the issues obliquely and amicably—in effect, show them the right way rather than tell them that they’re wrong—can get the point across without arming those defenses. And too, conflict-averse people like me usually become very adaptable. You learn to put up with a lot.

But that has its dark side. Taking lots of shit can be pretty corrosive in the long run. It can impact your sense of self-worth. It can make you a chronic target for predators and abusers. It can cause resentments to slowly accumulate, unrecognized, to toxic levels.

And there are times when confrontation is the compassionate thing to do. Subtlety doesn’t work with some people. Confrontation may be the only way to set them straight, for their own good.

I now find myself in roles that demand more confrontation from me, and I struggle mightily with that. I try hard to see when I’m avoiding confrontation because a less confrontational approach might be better, and when I’m avoiding it just to spare myself the discomfort. If it’s the latter, I prod myself on into that uncomfortable zone.

^^^ Practice makes it easier.

^^^Very true.

I do not like confrontation. But, as @marinelife said, I do it. If I have to.

When dealing with the public, I try to remain very calm. I will not sit around and wait for something, but rather be proactive, calling frequently and asking for what I need.

I hate confrontation and try to avoid it as much as possible. However, I occasionally indulge myself and yell at family members when I get mad.

I am very good at confrontation. It’s how I am wired – I’m a born skeptic and a critical thinker and am highly judgmental. I’m the proverbial squeaky wheel that gets the grease…but these traits don’t make me a good person to live with.

I married a man (going on 13 years ago) who is strongly conflict adverse. He avoids confrontation like the plague. Of our three children, one (our son) is possibly even more confrontation adverse than my husband. Our young son is quite the peacemaker..and honestly, I learn from him even though he’s only 8 years old.

Living with and loving these two people so dearly I have learned to carefully pick my battles and that sometimes it’s just not worth it to speak up. I have learned tact and humility and to ask careful, quiet and kindhearted questions rather than to jump into confrontational go-getter mode. One question I frequently ask myself is: “Is it more important to be right or be in relationship?” Sometimes it isn’t worth it to point it out even when the other party is in the wrong.

I’m getting older and perhaps mellowing with age. I find myself complaining less and less each year. Still, I don’t hesitate to speak up. I have no fear of confrontation at all…but I’m a lot kinder and more empathetic towards others these day. So, when I do speak up and am cautious to not put people on the defensive, but rather ask questions that get across my point and hopefully lead others to help my cause.

I’ll confront anyone, for any reason, without reserve, to any degree necessary…
But not a second before confronting myself in ugliest detailed analysis. It makes it much easier to adhere to @gailcalled‘s most wise advice.

What I hate is confrontation where they’re totally prepared, but surprise it on you and you don’t have time to marshal any defense.

I have feeling that WillWorkForChocolate is terrible at confrontation, tho! ;/

@Dutchess_III : Me too. It happened to me at work today. Student came to office hours under false pretenses, prepared to contest a grade, but unprepared to listen to anything I had to say…

If you can keep your composure (not always easy, I know), you buy yourself some time.

This caught me off guard. I need some time to think about it .

Or;

I understand your concern. This is not a good time. Please come back at 2:30 when we can discuss this calmly.

Or;

I am listening. Let me know when you are finished and ready to listen to me.

I am not afraid of confrontation. I don’t seek it out and I don’t like it (do many people like confrontation?) but I feel uncomfortable when I avoid confronting a situation I feel needs to be dealt with.

I had a situation recently when I was away and had to be with a colleague for a few days. The person was really quite rude and condescening (with no good reason) on a few occasions. I so wanted to tell the person what I really thought but that would have made the work environment impossible and we had a task to complete. So apart from saying I was very offended, I bit my tongue and maintained my professionalism. However, I still feel irritated by being hamstrung and not saying what I feel they deserved to hear and if the opportunity arises, I may take that opportunity later. Sometimes, even if you are willing and able to confront, you just have to walk away.

That’s a good question, @Bellatrix. Do some people actually like confrontation? I think some do. Especially guys…