Do you have any good advice for helping loved ones through tragedy?

Make yourself available to them. Make sure they know you’re there even if they never call on you. Most times people just want to be left to grieve on their own and they will talk when they’re ready.

They’re going to be shattered emotionally. But what I remember when this sort of happened to me was the people that reached out to me. Make them something, take it over, and give them some time.

I had friends that lost their baby at birth. I didn’t know what to do for them either. It was totally unexpected, the cord was tied around her neck.
I just listened when they told me what happened and they also showed me pictures of her. It was so sad, but they went on a year later and had twin boys.

Oh, how awful. I’m so sorry for your friends (and you). I know it’s not exactly the same, but my best friend was devastated by a miscarriage. I did the only thing I could think of: go to her, put my arms around her, and let her cry in my arms.

Let them know you’re there for them if they need anything at all or just want to talk or cry. By extending the invitation, you allow them guide the process, but are also reassuring them that you’re there and aren’t pulling away. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and your friends.

So sad for your friends. Be there for them now, but also when things settle down and most people get on with their lives. I think all you can do is listen and be there if they need you.

I’m so sorry for this tragedy. I am sorry for your grief, and I, too, cannot imagine the grief of the parents.

I agree with what has been said above especially what @Adirondackwannabe mentioned. Whether they ask for it or not, make them something to eat and take it to them. If you make something that you know is going to be too big to eat in one sitting, include some Zip-loc type bags for leftovers. Make it as easy as possible for them.

Offer to help around the house, and make sure they know you’re serious.

Tell them again and again your phone is available at any time they need to talk.

If they are open to it, sit with them, even if it’s only in silence.

Be there.

A few tips from my experience that you may find of use…, listen, hug them don’t pretend to understand because unless you really have lived it no one could. Platitudes are not needed. be there now and be there in the future, it gets worse before it gets better. Don’t be strong, be real, cry with them love them and love their baby, don’t have a time line it takes as long as it takes.

Accept the grief it comes from the deep well of loving, painful as it is it is able to begin the healing. Don’t try to fill the quiet moments with words it’s not necessary.

Never say the child will be better off,or is in a better place, or can be replaced etc etc I’m sure you wouldn’t but people say some silly things without thinking. Plant a memorial for the baby. My friend’s child died on good friday some years ago and she fills her house with Easter daisies every year to as a tribute to him. It is truly beautiful.

Be practical, just not too many lasagnes, something else and heaps of it, organise a dinner roster, or fill there freezer with meals, make sure they have fresh milk and bread, go over and mow the lawn, run the vac over the floor, clean the bathroom etc. don’t offer just do it.
What ever you do don’t go over and be waited on, it’s not what they need, you are not a guest in this case you are a support.

Best wishes to you in this devastating time. My heart truly goes out to you, I can’t begin to imagine how hard something like this is.

As @Arewethereyet said, be there for them but don’t say something just to try to console them. Just make sure they know they can rely on you for help.

And put on you r calendar to check in with them in 6 to 8 weeks, and every 6 weeks or so after. People going through this find their well-intentioned friends disappear because they feel awkward. Your friends will need you in June to just bring them a dinner and give them a hug.

I totally agree with @zenvelo continue to be there into the future people disappear and move on with their own lives leaving the grieving ones alone and still devastated. As the best friend it’s going to be hard, but as the best friend that’s what you are there for… in the best of times and the worst of times. YES?

Let them know you are there. Let them talk and talk and talk if they want to. Allow them to go through the details ten times and how they feel. Being a good listener is usually helpful; especially helpful to women. Women tend to work through things by venting. I think bringing over food is a great idea. If their family is around the initial days following this (maybe her or his parents came into town for the birth) then when people start to leave you can make sure they are ok, as ok as they can be, and suggest going to lunch or whatever else you all might do together. Since they are a couple they can lean on each other, which is good, I think it probably reduces the chance of either of them doing anything drastic or very harmful to themselves.

No way to tell how fast they will bounce back from this. Everyone handles these things differently. It’s very sad, I’m sorry your friends are going through this. They obviously are very upset, but I assume they might also be angry that the doctors predicted the outcome differently. I would assume she had some worry the baby might be very sick and might have been psychologically somewhat ready for this. Still, very very sad. :(

Be there for all the chores of daily living for the next six months. Make no social suggestions. Make no assumptions. Follow their lead. It will be very clear.

When I was in the first stages of a similar despair, one of my cousins showed up, kept her mouth shut, did laundry, ran the dish washer, cleaned, took stuff to the dump and coordinated food and meals for several weeks. A real gift.

@gailcalled Your cousin is awesome. That was a wonderful gift.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom and support. I spent today making freezable chicken soup and gathering supplies for a care package to bring by tomorrow. So far I have candles, tea, bubble bath, fuzzy socks, and a lot of candy. Any other suggestions?

Don’t use up all your energy now. Keep some in reserve for later when the furor and the initial support may melt away. Candles, bubble bath, fuzzy socks and candy will make you feel better but probably won’t make a dent in what your friends are feeling, I am sorry to say.

Keep their car gassed up, run a vacuum or clean a bathroom or run the dishwasher. Mow the lawn in a few weeks, take out the trash, recycle, make sure that the house is stocked with staples like toilet paper, paper towels, etc. Offer to keep track of mail, pay bills for a while. Your friends, understandably, may be paralyzed and drowning in sorrow.

@gailcalled right on the money be practical

@nikipedia Are you in touch with redpowerlady on facebook? She is rarely here anymore. She had a baby die hours after birth if I remember correctly. They knew the baby wouldn’t make it, diagnosed with something while she was pregnant, but she went through to the end of the pregnancy anyway. It’s a little different than your friend’s situation, but she might be able to tell some of the emotions they might be feeling. Also, she might be able to tell you what people did that she really appreciated.

@gailcalled, I will feel them out when we see them about coming by to help with practical things, but I am getting the impression so far that what they really want is privacy.

@JLeslie, no, unfortunately not.

@nikipedia, I bought a friend of mine whose adult son was killed in an accident a journal to write in. My thought was it might be a way for her to get her thoughts and feelings out when she didn’t feel able or want to share with others. She said later she appreciated it and did use it and found it valuable. Not sure if that’s something you might consider.

@nikipedia I can ask her if she is willing to talk to you about it.

I just went to her page and her last status was a link to this. She writes about that type of loss. What weird timing. Let me know if you can’t see the link.

@nikipedia: ”...but I am getting the impression that so far what they really want is privacy.”

Listen to that. It may change. Keep on listening and honoring what you hear.