What do you think about people who marry their first boyfriend/girlfriend?

You don’t say how old you are. I have known people that married their high school sweethearts, and are still married 40 years after we graduated. What seems more critical is how long you wait to get married. Those who get married when they are 18 seem to not do as well as those who wait until they are 22 or 23. It’s a matter of getting through sometimes when you grow up a lot, dealing with college and your first jobs. Add the stress of a marriage and maybe even kids is just too much.

So be confident in who you love, listen to your heart, but just take time to do it right.

@zenvelo I’m about to turn 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been together since towards the beginning of our freshman year in college.

And I agree. Time seems to be important, but we don’t even plan on getting married until we have both at least graduated from college. That’s time don’t you think??

3.5 years, you’re both in your 20’s, you feel confident in your relationship, you love each other, you’re both taking care of business by going to college and making sure your futures are set… so, what’s the problem?

You’re in college, you’re old enough—I think you know best what’s right for you.

@cutiepi92 Yes, it seems to me you are not making a hasty decision, but one that has been well thought out. Good luck to you!

When you feel you are financially stable as well as feeling emotionally comfortable with your plan, go ahead and I wish you the best.

Well, if he is a great guy then I think it is fine. I have many friends who married guys they started dating in High School. The problem when people start dating young is they tend to get married young and that is where the big mistake usually lies. But, you are in college, not a teenager, so that does not seem to be the problem. All my friends except one couple, met in high school, went through college, and then afterwards got married. All those couples I say without hesitation both the men and women were good people, committed to each other, and pretty much everyone around them were happy with the match. The one exception was one of the husbands was raised born again Baptist marrying a Catholic girl, and the parents of the Baptist man would have been much happier if she was a born again Evangelical Christian also. But, they liked her, and they are happily married over 20 years.

You mentioned he is not what you physically pictured, but do you find him attractive?

Is he the first guy you slept with?

It isn’t uncommon for women to stay with a man when they shouldn’t, so if the people around you don’t think he is not the right match for you, then they would encourage you to date. Do they give you feedback on why he might not be a good match? What do they say?

The thing to watch for is if there are any red flags or hesitations on your part don’t ignore them. A big thing that counts in relationships are the things that bother you about the person. Those will be a nagging annoyance your entire relationship and get more pronounced and worse most likely. If you plan to have kids, remember there is a good chance one or more of your children will be like his dad in some ways, and if it is the negativetraits it can be very frustrating depending on what it is. There are lots of people out there who are great 90% of the time, then they have another 10% that you have to decide if you can live forever with that 10% of their personality. Could be they are messy and you are tidy, could be they cheat, could be they are very punctual and you arent, could be one of you wants to live in many different place and the other wants to stay near family, could be on of you doesn’t communicate well and is passive aggressive and the other prefers to talk things out. Whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but just know it likely will not get better it will get worse.

Sometimes it means romantic and represent love. In fact, it needs to be seen according to the situation. Time is important but it does’t means everything.

Not much I can add to the wise comments above except this: it’s your life, not your parents’.

Thanks everyone for your advice! I feel as though when it gets to that point, we will both be responsible to make that decision on our own. I just don’t see why his parents don’t have an issue with it but mine do.

And @JLeslie I do find him attractive, he just shorter than me which isn’t what I pictured when I pictured “perfect man”. But I can deal with that because there are so many positives it seems ridiculous to leave him over something not even in his control. It did take getting used to though.

ETA: they don’t say bad things about him at all. They think he’s a great guy, but my father always encourages me to break up with him every single time the tiniest argument occurs. Part of me thinks that this is him feeling like all men are like he was when he was single but he has even said my boyfriend is waaay different and more level headed than he was. He says he sees him as a friend moreso than as a boyfriend for me, but I think that’s also because of the whole height thing…...I have been told many a time by others that we don’t look “right” together, but I’ve kinda solved those insecurities I asked in a question a while ago. His height doesn’t bother me anymore, it just took me some time to ignore the negative superficial comments and focus on my own feelings for him

I consider my husband my first boyfriend. Technically, I suppose he’s not, but my actual first boyfriend lasted about 2 weeks, so he really doesn’t count. Josh and I have been together since we were 17 and got married and bought our first home last year at 22. We’ve always had a mature relationship. We’ve got our heads on our shoulders, we’ve never had that stupid “on again off again” joke of a relationship, and we balance each other out well. I think these are important factors – more important than him being my first boyfriend or not.

I’m still in school, but he started working right after high school and makes more money than I will after college graduation. When I was growing up, I said I’d wait until after college to get married, if I got married at all, and I wouldn’t move in with a guy unless I could support myself without him first. Yeah, that’s not what happened. My husband supports me financially right now, and I will return the favor in the future if I have to for whatever reason. My point here is that plans change. In the long run, your “list of requirements” should go in the trash. You don’t choose who to fall in love with.

I’ll be damned if I’d dump my boyfriend to “taste more cake” if you are happy with your current cake. You don’t want to look back and have regrets. You don’t want to be one of those women that search their entire lives for Mr. Right, knowing you gave him up to sow your wild oats.

Don’t let your parents rule your life. Do what makes you happy.

I agree with @zenvelo. My wife and I started dating when we were sixteen, but we didn’t get married until we were twenty-five. By then we had gone through quite a bit together (including finishing college, caring for sick family, saving money, and buying a house).

Even after we were married, we waited another seven years to become parents.

Time together is key.

@cutiepi92 Are you sure it is just the height thing with your dad? Sometimes parents don’t say anything too negative because they feel their kids will just be pushed closer to the boyfriend. You said you are arguing with your dad; is it arguing about being serious with someone? That your having sex? What exactly is your dad’s objection?

I know two women with PhDs who are happily married to their high school sweethearts, but these couples didn’t wed until the women completed their MAs.

To those who say, “ya gotta shop around”, I say, “it ain’t necessarily so”.

If you love someone then you know it without having to shop around first! I think it is foolish to get married in your teens but once you are in your twenties and have been together for a while then I think you have as good a chance of having a successful relationship as anyone else.

@JLeslie lol no no I meant that if I’m having a disagreement with my boyfriend (argument), he encourages a breakup. I asked him if there is any specific problem he has with my boyfriend, and he says no. He says he is incredibly intelligent and level headed and is all around a pretty great guy. He just doesn’t want me to settle down so soon. My dad was an athlete in college and was with a lot of women in his younger days, and my mom dated a lot of guys too. Because of that, he believes that the only way for me to find what I truly want is to date around. He says that every relationship between highschool sweethearts he knew ended up badly. So he is projecting that on us too. But I just don’t understand because if even he says he is a great guy and I’ve been with him this long, shouldn’t that say I’m really serious about him??

I’m pretty sure that the height thing bothers him a little bit too because in the beginning of our relationship, he mentioned it a whole lot. Even before I ever had a boyfriend, my dad always said “don’t you ever bring a short person in here and mess up the gene pool”. I’m the shortest in my family at 5’9”. Tallest in the family in 7 ft. I think he just wants me to breed giants _ Hopefully, that was either teasing or he’s over it. My mom however has been a little more understanding. She doesn’t care about the height thing, but she doesn’t think I should settle down quickly either because he is my first well…...first everything.

@livelaughlove21 your comment made me happy lol. Sounds a lot like us actually. We want to move in together next year but due to both sides of the family being against it (since we aren’t married), I’m not sure how that is going to work…....

Many of you stated me exact fear. I don’t want to regret losing something awesome just because I listened to my parents…..I know they want what is best for me, but I am happy and know how I feel with him

Like you said—projecting.

Gene pool is taken very seriously by a lot of people. It’s not just considered for race, which mpst people find offensive, but also for every little thing. Height, hair, nose, you name it. Supposedly there is a dating website for red heads to keep red hair in our gene pool. Since your family is obviously taller than average, I guess that is a thing that they seem to take pride in? So, it doesn’t fit in his mind to bring in someone who doesn’t fit that identifying characteristic I guess.

@cutiepi93 Josh had his own place for about a year before I moved in. When I told my mom, she said it was the stupidest decision I’d ever make and I’d regret it. Yeah well, my only regret is not leaving sooner.

If you two love eachother and are happy then screw what everyone else thinks. Life’s too short to live the way others want you to.

Aw crap, of course that should say @cutiepi92.

Another way to look at it is—not to worry about 10, 15, 20 years from now. If it is perfect for you now, then that’s what matters. Chances are, if it’s perfect now, it will be in 10, 15, 20 years- but don’t worry about that until the time comes.

Love matters. Best of luck!

50% of marriages end in divorce. You have a 50–50 chance. I am sure that stat can be refined down to many different ages, occupations, length of courtship, etc. but really it all depends on you and your mate!

OP: I’m amazed at how many women regard height as a deal-breaker. If you don’t, then in that respect you are smarter than most women, and your dad is dumber than most men. Maybe he should take relationship advice from you.

Digression: somebody somewhere calculated that if the human race were a few inches shorter on average, it would result in significant savings of resources. Think how much less we would use if cars, houses, furniture, food portions, etc., were smaller. Some guy actually set up an organization to promote shortness, and he did the calculations. I think I saw this in a textbook on critical reasoning. It was an example of a position that was well-reasoned but nevertheless failed to persuade.