Could you guys that tend to be snarky and nasty tone it down for the sake of the site and it's members?

Sorry.

I drink a lot and ask questions all the time. Some people here like me, some people here hate me.

Your lady friend deciding that she got less fun than not? Understandable.

Snarku, nasty people are a parody of themselves, however. You never walk away thinking that snarky person is a good person in real life.

Sometimes when I sneeze, it sounds like snark! I’m sorry if it caught someone off guard and offended them.

How does the phrase go? “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”?

I was aware of a longtime male member going, but I wasn’t aware that another has gone. I’ll stick around here since fluther desperately needs a few thorns in the side on here.

@Rarebear That philosophy leads to a hot kitchen populated with sweaty. foul smelling, angry cooks.

I prefer to open the window and let in the fresh air. It doesn’t matter if the heat will make the dough rise or the souffle light. Ffor me, the most important part of the meal is the company and conversation – not the food.

@LuckyGuy How did I know you would make this about heat? :)

I miss her. Really sucks that she left. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the cause of her leaving, but for the sake of other cool members, I’ll do better in the future. I’m all up for preserving our communities and making people feel welcome, but sadly, I don’t always act it.
A good little reminder this thread, we’re not always all that cool with people here. And if it makes us lose members…that sucks.

If the person being discussed here is the person I am now aware has left, I’m very saddened. She is one of my favourite members. Her considerate and beautiful nature shine through her posts and I will miss her if she doesn’t return.

@glacial It’s always about the energy content and oxidation rate.
Some people fill the room with hot air and the addition of alcohol will make just about any fire burn hotter.
True gems add more light than heat.

I still don’t know for sure who this about. Can someone PM me with a clue?

Who left?

I am in the dark about who left. Can someone say who it was or pm me?

What in particular were the comments and/or issues that made her leave? I am always out of the Fluther loop.

I’d tell you if I knew, @jca. I have looked at the profile page of all the people I think it may have been and they are still here. I hope it wasn’t anything I said.

I wonder if the snarky, nasty people even know who they are, though. Doing some introspection…I don’t THINK I’m one of them…

hangs head in shame I can be snarky…and nasty. Sometimes for no reason. kicks the ground I am sorry when I realize what I’ve done and wish I could take it back.

I honestly don’t think “snarky and nasty” applies to anyone who has posted on this thread so far. You’re OK, @bkcunningham. You get momentarily fired up, but then you cool off. Snarky, nasty people never cool off because they’re constantly looking for ways to put other people down. They’re usually pretty insecure people.

Can someone please enlighten me as to who and what?

And while we’re at it, can someone tell me what happened to @Shippy?

Shippy? What on earthgirl are you talking about?

Confound it, another one??
Will someone please PM me and tell me who it was… :(
goes back to lurkin

Read my post @bookish.

@bkcunningham but what happened?

I do not know.

I know we’ve got a rule about not posting about people’s personal names here, but since everyone wants to know and wants to be PMed, can’t we make an exception for people who leave? This is just silly—everyone tiptoeing around and secret PMs going back and forth.

I don’t think it’s against the rules to say who left, only to say something negative about who left (am I wrong?). The person who left was Earthgirl, and I have nothing but good things to say about her. She will be missed.

I keep hearing that Shippy is still around, or coming back soon? If so, I have not noticed her presence.

@bkcunningham : Gotcha, thanks.
@glacial: I hope she comes back…

OK. For some reason, I recall some post about a year ago and found out we we really weren’t supposed to name names in posts—which is why people were asking for PMs right now. I remember people asking if it was still OK to do the mansion posts and if we were allowed to mention jellies when they died.

So I wasn’t sure if people were allowed to post here who left. And since many people were asking for PMs, I assumed it wasn’t allowed.

Ah fuck it, if someone hasn’t figured it out or been told at this point, EarthGirl left. rules be damned haha

I always try to be respectful in my comments, even when a comment has pushed one of my buttons, and I sometimes use private messaging to share a comment, opinion or piece of advice that I think may stir up snark.

Most of all, I’ve learned to avoid joining threads on ultra-heated topics and personal soapboxes that we see come up regularly and raise dander.

What I really don’t like is when people “chase” each other in threads. You get into a fight in one thread and then someone brings in dirty laundry from that thread into another one.

Well, fuck! We lost another good one. :(

I’m rarely happy when someone leaves, and it sucks to know that we’ve lost both shippy and earthgirl.

What question or posts in particular pissed off Earthgirl? Just curious.

I, too, try to avoid contentious debates, as I feel life is too short to get heated over others’ opinions, when everyone is entitled to their own. I don’t like being attacked, but thankfully, times when I’ve felt that way on Fluther have been few and far between. I really try to keep my answers pretty level headed, for my own sake as well as for the sake of others, so as not to arouse anger in people.

@keobooks I know about people chasing people in other threads. It’s ridiculous beyond belief.

@Rarebear Well, that’s the problem. The decent ones “Get out of the kitchen.” The ignorant, immature trolls stay. Surely there are other social sites where they’d fit in better, rather than here?

If you feel you’re being attacked, flag it. If it’s indeed an attack, something will be done about it. Otherwise, grow up and learn to interact with adults.

But the people who do that kind of attacking are far from adults, at least in mentality, @bob_. They act more like Jr. High and High School wanna be gang members or something.

@Dutchess_III Again, if it is an attack, just flag it.

Will it stop them? Or will it cause them to troll in other threads, like, “You bitch! You flagged me because you’re too stupid to admit when you’re beat!”
I’ve never flagged anyone. I just move on. Some people can’t do that, I guess. Earthgirl was a sensitive, intelligent person and I’ll miss her. I have a feeling that whoever gave her the final straw isn’t somebody we’d really care if they left or not.
It just seems like no one should have to put up with someone else continuously provoking and taunting them for no reason other than so they can get into a bissing match (new word…“bitching” and “pissing.”)

I have no idea why Earthgirl left, but I would point out that there is a difference between being fed up with a perceived overall negativity and being personally attacked. From what @Adirondackwannabe wrote in his question, I suspect that the problem was not something that was against Fluther rules, not something that could be flagged.

I agree with what @bob_ said about flagging what is really against the rules, and otherwise dealing with it; that is because I enjoy the debates. But if the site just isn’t fun for the person anymore… at that point, I guess they wonder “Why stay?”

Thanks guys for all your answers. I usually try to thank each responder but I’m so flat out with work I don’t have the time right now. I appreciate all your answers. Let’s just think of Earthgirl when we get ready to throw a bomb at someone. I’ll try it too.

It’s all good. We’re just glad you’re here @Adirondackwannabe! And that ain’t no joke ((( )))

As far as I can tell, the mods on this site take principles before personalities. I never see flames here and it doesn’t seem like some people get away with more than others because of who they are or who they know. I’ve seen it happen on other boards and I’m glad to see that these forums are so fair. It really lowers morale when you see two sets of rules—one for certain folk close to the mods and then the “official” rules for everyone else.

The worst thing I remember on one site was that there was a guy who would flame people in snarky sarcastic ways and he got away with it. But he was the loudest one to protest if anything close to a flame directed at HIM got posted. He would flood the mods with demands to take the post down and post publicly that he demanded the flame about him be taken down and act like he was a delicate little flower over it even when his own flames were far worse.

Stuff like that can rip a site up and cause mass exodus. That doesn’t happen here. I trust the mods to be fair here so I don’t really get upset about what gets posted here. If it’s within the rules, I learn to deal. If it’s outside the rules, I report it. If it’s outside the rules, but not directed to me I report it as well. I don’t want to see that stuff anywhere.

Because the flagging is anonymous, I don’t think people will get trolled when they report something. I mean, how do you really know it was the person you flamed? It could have been someone like me. I’ll report it even if I agree with the flame because I don’t like that stuff here, true or not.

I haven’t contacted the member this thread relates to, so I don’t know why she has disabled her account. What I will say is it is quite possible it wasn’t one particular incident but perhaps it was more observing behaviours and attitudes over a longer period of time and finally feeling it was time to move on.

We can all be snarky. I doubt there are many of us who haven’t written something we later regret or at least think could have been phrased more diplomatically. Perhaps the lesson is to ‘remember the human’. With the exception of spammers, behind every post and every question asked is another human being. A person who for all we know might be vulnerable for some reason. If we keep that in mind, we are each individually less likely to be hurtful.

@Adirondackwannabe Now I know who she was. I thought my list of followers looked smaller, but I havn’t been logging on here as much so I didn’t catch it at first. I’m not sure what happened, and I’m not sure which thread this occured on either so obviously I can’t comment any further.

@keobooks The thing about paranoid little people, like the person you were talking about,...if they get flagged, in their minds they know who did it. In their minds. I’ve been accused of flagging people that I didn’t, simply because they were saying nasty stuff to ME at the time and they got flagged.

I don’t think I’ve ever flagged anyone for flame bait. I think I flagged someone once just because he was giving me the creeps.

^^ I just flagged you for using the f word too many times in one post.

I knew that was you! Bitch. No, wait…I never use the F word, and you know it. Bitch.- ;) Eww…that feels so nasty and disgusting, talking like that. Ick.

Bahahahahaha, twit!

@Dutchess_III @WillWorkForChocolate hm, and you guys said there was no dirty laundry here. well not everyone is perfect, wish I meet Earthgirl, then I’d feel some sadness like you guys, but my heart is made of Metal pretty much…

I didn’t say there was no dirty laundry here, did you @WillWorkForChocolate?

Of course you don’t have any feelings toward someone you’ve never met @Random1324. We wouldn’t expect you to.

Each person is a valuable addition to the Collective. The Collective evolves as people leave and people join. The Fluther of today is very different then the Fluther I joined 6 years ago. I have fond memories of lots of former Jellies, too many to name. I also have some not-so-fond memories of some former Jellies, but they all helped make the site what it is. The rest of us, we persevere!

earthgirl was awesome

I just emailed her. Hope she comes back!

Tell her we ALL want her to come back, please.

^^ Yep, what the twit said. :)

A word is coming to mind…Nah. I’m done with that experiment!

If someone decides to leave we should respect their decision. They will come back if they want to. Sometimes it’s good to get away from this place. Life goes on.

Yes, but it’s nice to know you’re missed. That’s the main message we want to send her.

Not that it is her case, but some people leave or threaten to leave to elicit “please don’t leave, come back!” responses. I find it pretty fucking annoying.

That’s it, @bob_ , I’m leaving!

Kthxbye! :P

seeyaB!

LOL! OMG, you mean you’re not going to go all mushy and beg me to stay? I guess that means I’ll have to stick around until someone else does.

It worked @bob_! That was a good plan!

It is sort of too bad. And I can relate.
The people who originally attracted me to this site are all of them gone.
It is not to say there aren’t plenty of people I like on Fluther. But there seems to be a gradually decreasing sense of humor on the site.
I actually quit once myself, as a gesture to one of my past favorite jellies. But then I felt ashamed for being a quitter…
I must confess, as a tertiary educated veteran, it takes some patience to be talked down to by college kids and neurotics.
But like I said, in my opinion it is all about having a sense of humor.

I think I spend a fair bit of time here but most of the time I don’t notice when someone leaves until I see a question like this. I can’t remember ever having any interaction with earth girl. I will have to go back and look at old threads to see if I miss her or not.

@WillWorkForChocolate nooooooooooo don’t leeeave, even though i’ve never met you or know you, or talked to you at all in any thread or time of thread!! Na, you can leave, after all, isn’t it a free website (Country)?

People can leave, sometimes all most people need is a little.. vacation.

LMAO! See? Someone begged me! Well… sort of.

Sigh. Now you’ve encouraged her, @Random1324. She’ll be insufferable from here on out.

and that’s how we like her

No kidding!

Dammit, y’all made me blush. You like me cranky, you really like me cranky!

Love it! As long as you’re not cranky at ME.

@WillWorkForChocolate

I really don’t think you are that cranky.
I think it is sort of your shtick.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.

I find snarkiness almost preferable to inane babble

@josie Bahaha, you’ve never lived with me. Or cut me off on the highway, or said something rude to my kids, or called me stupid for some of my parenting choices, or….. You get the drift. :D

@WillWorkForChocolate I’ve cut ou off on the highway here and you calmly explain you’re views to me and we give and take, and then we hug and move on. You’re okay in my book.:) Although if I really dis you I’m crossing my legs fast.

Relax your legs, dood. I don’t go for the balls first. I go for the jugular.

@WillWorkForChocolate LMAO. I envy and fear for your hubby.

You’re safe until the shovel comes out.

Sad news again. Why do some folks feel the need to be consistently rude? I like to see a variety of opinions, that is why I come here, to get different viewpoints. I want to know how other people think about things.

If you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen, and get out, then some someone is going to be missing out on your good cooking.

I’m kind of a sensitive person. I can also be a pretty good cook at times. If you are rude to me, you might never get to taste my cookies.

I’d love to know who gave her a hard time. I want to kick ‘em where it counts.

@Mama_Cakes Why kick? Its easier to get armed with something that hurts…

I got some snark at the wrong time last night. People really should think about what they say to those who are having a hard time in their life, but of course they only care about themselves, otherwise they wouldn’t be dicks. :P

Now that’s sad, I liked her a lot.

She’ll be missed as a great contributor and supportive jelly. I must admit I got snarked at once late at night, could have been from someone a bit under the influence, and I was really taken aback! Just didn’t expect it and was surprised, hurt and felt misunderstood. such a weird feeling from someone i never knew it was amazing to me to feel that strongly. Even though I may appear as tough as nails I’m not really.

I think we all need to be so very mindful that at the end of the keyboard are very real people with lives that are lived outside of fluther that may not be apparent in type. When we have a bad day or have had shit shovelled at us ad infinitum a bit of nasty jelly can seriously sting.

I hope it wasn’t something I said, @jonsblond. If it was, it wasn’t intentional. I would never say something hurtful or snarky to you on purpose.

You just made me giggle. You’ve been nothing but kind to me @bkcunningham. It’s people like you that keep me coming back. The snark I got was personal. Without a doubt.

How did I even miss this question? I’m not sure who we lost, I do know of 2 recent jellies that went missing, one was mentioned already.

So, anytime I answer any question I try to be as nice as I can be. Sometimes I ramble and sometimes I go off topic, I blame that on the bipolar meds lol or maybe its the bipolar I am just ranting, but the mods always get me which ironically you think I should be used to because most often times when I am in a mixed episode having anxiety I most often have the idea that someone is always out to get me. Am I rambling? Am I off topic..crap

Ok, so let’s be amicable here! That’s right to the point and all I wanted to say. :)

@nofurbelowsbatgirl It’s OK to disagree or even get angry for a while. The OP is referring to people who start hitting below the belt, calling names, throwing sticks and stones, or who carry a grudge on and on and on, for days and weeks, following the person they’re angry with into other, totally unrelated threads, and continuing to rag on them in some form to continue showing their “displeasure.”

Feel free to get off topic. Unless you’re in the “General” section. Which you’re not. So carry on. :)

@Dutchess_III LOL yes off topic, well I have done that a few times even in general haha!

And I have also had someone who followed me and harrassed me in other threads because of a debate that was going on in a completely different thread and they didn’t like my answers so they thought they would just give a few little pokes and stabs in others threads along the way to try to bait me into fighting.

That was fun!

Of course we are going to disagree sometimes. I mean so many jellies and so many opinions its bound to happen, but its the way we treat each other afterwards that matters. I mean we aren’t all going to agree on everything but at the end of the day I believe in complete respect for all living beings. Its just who I am. There is no need for all that other shite like stalking, calling names, and sticks and stones. So thats when you need an ignore button :/ lol or we can call it the ignorant prick button.

Well I have had enough, been harassed a couple of times and seriously haunted by an aggressive narcissist on this space to the point that i have now deleted myself.

I’m sorry to say that this is the case as I have enjoyed being here but can’t cope with the nasty element of people who feel it it their right to intimidate and be so aggressive.

NONE of the people who have answered this thread thus far have been involved in this so please don’t worry its not you.

I want to say i have really appreciated your friendships, for some strange reason I’m STILL able to lurk here… but I am gone. Take care, be kind to each other and to those of you who feel the need to attack others because you think you’re right or have the right, please think again.

Fuck. You will be missed. I enjoyed our chats a lot.

I’m sorry @Arewethereyet. :(

I must admit that I’m perplexed. I already feel like I spend too much time on Fluther, but I’ve completely missed these close-my-account worthy events. Is all of this happening in PMs?

And I wish you would stick around, @Arewethereyet. I think it’s a good community, despite the occasional feather-ruffling.

@glacial You and I must be living under the same rock. I don’t know why people would quit. Is someone harassing people? And if they are, aren’t they only a “Flag” away from incurring the stinging (but surprisingly arousing) lash of Auggie’s whip?

@LuckyGuy @glacial It’s happening in PMs. If I’d known how bad it was for her I would have had her contact Auggie. This just caught me by surprise.

What the heck? Is there anyone we can kick in the nuts?

I live such a sheltered life. I don’t get any nasty notes, no exciting emails, no offers for hot, wild sex (except for that one who spammed half the site).
I do get an occasional drive by hug – I like those.

<nonchalantly humps @LuckyGuy‘s leg>

@LuckyGuy you had been ignoring my offers for wild sex so I gave up lol geez I thought my name was hot enough for an gentleman such as yourself :[

@Arewethereyet I enjoy(ed) your company. :( you can’t leave. Don’t be bullied!! Where are they, man or woman, big or small, wherever they are I’ll FCuk em uP! < lol

@Arewethereyet Damnit. :( Well you deleted yourself, but in case you decide to come check this thread again…well if someone is harassing you, you can talk to Auggie, or one of the mods about this. It could be fixed. I hate to see a person leave because of one other user, especially if you, otherwise, enjoyed the site. :(

@WillWorkForChocolate What, my leg is chopped liver? ;)

I would love to add to this but I am already being threatened with suspension because I don’t argue properly, so I ain’t saying nuffin!

You don’t argue properly?

@WillWorkForChocolate Wait! Wait! Let me turn around. Please!

@nofurbelowsbatgirl I thought the s in your name implied possession as in ” ‘s’ . Are you implying it stands for some other word that begins with “s”? I’m getting all tingly just thinking about it.

@glacial Oh no, I’ll hump your leg, too.

@LuckyGuy Fine, but hurry up. I’m getting tired. All this humping wears a gal out!

You both owe me dinner now.

;)

How does one not argue “properly” @rooeytoo?

I’m going to ask @augustlan to contact @Arewethereyet.

People, if someone is harassing you by PM, tell @augustlan or another mod. This is very sad, @Arewethereyet was a lovely new member. If @auggie can look at the pms, she can at least give them a warning if they’re harassing people. She has to know to act though.

For myself, I hate flagging people or tattling on them. If they threatened me, yeah, but just because they’re being a snarky bitch for weeks and weeks on end, I figure I can handle it by myself.

You haven’t been so upset you’ve deleted your account @Dutchess_III. She said “Well I have had enough, been harassed a couple of times and seriously haunted by an aggressive narcissist on this space to the point that i have now deleted myself.” If you were considering this, I’d hope you’d say something.

Sometimes, tattling is the right thing to do.

I have to say that flagging an abusive, off-topic, low quality, etc. response should not be considered tattling. Though the mods are a brilliant, dedicated, talented, scrupulous, meticulous, outstanding bunch of individuals, mods are not omniscient and some things get past them. All Fluther lovers and dedicated jellies can help keep this board at the quality level we all know and love by helping us “pick the bad apples” as flaggers are so eloquently informed.

Please if something doesn’t follow the guidelines or someone is harassing you – publicly or privately via PM – if someone is following you from thread to thread hurling insults or questioning you, if someone has spammed the heck out of a perfectly innocent thread, flag it and let us know.

So come on people, let’s get out there and flag – for the good of the Flutherverse (or Tidepool if you prefer).

ok

Just sent @Arewethereyet an email. Fingers crossed!

@augustlan Sweet, keeping my fingers crossed too. Come back, @Arewethereyet!

I agree! Come back @Arewethereyet!

I smiled whenever I saw that screen name. I’d automatically answer: “5 more minutes” .

When I see @Arewethereyet I always wondered out loud “Where are we going again? Oh yeah thats right! We’re going CRAZY!!!!”

Aw dang. I just checked in on this thread for the first time in weeks. I do hope @Arewethereyet comes back.

And I am very sorry to hear that some people are being real dicks around here.

How pathetic do you have to be to get your jollies by harassing anonymous people online???

But I like harassing you. :D

@Symbeline: Oh, you can keep sending me the offensive emails. Or lewd propositions. It’s your choice, really ;)

You asked for it! :D

I’ve seen a lot of snarkiness here, but not much nastiness. And snark from the right people is welcomed with virtual squeals of delight, so apparently that’s part of this site’s gestalt.

@Symbeline Hey can anyone get in on the offensive or lewd messages?

@peridot I can say for sure now and name about 2 trolls out here with lurve I think over 25000 that seem to bug me lately and have almost had me quit in the last 3 days. One thing I’ve learned out here is if you don’t want that shit, try to stay away from the “general” section.

You guys…I can feel you jonesing for nekid pancakes. STOP IT!!!

I don’t need the pancakes, I was just hoping for nekid abuse.

no non on no nono!

O_0 Nekid pancakes? Sounds intriguing… is that a Fluther thing? Like “cake in the frizzer”?

@peridot Yes it is. Nekid pancake parties, followed by fun with maple syrup. :)

Yes, @peridot, it is. And they turn out the lights too. They’re a little insane.

@peridot pancakes

@uberbatman aha! Thank you.

I’ll have a tall stack, please.
;)

I KNEW I shouldn’t click that link @uberbatman, but I did and now I’m going to have nightmares about pancakes and popcorn in the frizzer. Thanks.

Some people leave because life calls them from the abyss, and pancakes… and crappy downloads that leave 50 viruses on your computer… and pancakes…

Mustn’t forget the pancakes, O Best Beloved. (And YOU are not a newbie @Random1324)!

How am I not a newbie… I mean, I know I don’t suck at FPS games… or strategy games. But still.

328 points @Random1324. Those are newbie points. You are not a newbie.

I’ve been away, ok? I play minecraft… and SWTOR… and Starcraft II…. and WoT… and others.