How are you? Really. [5].

How am I? Horrible. There have been too many exams for me recently and there will be. I don’t have much time for entertainment anymore and I don’t know if I can do my jobs properly.

@Mimishu1995 Welcome to Fluther and good luck on sorting out the things you have to get done.

You know, I’m okay. It’s a nice feeling.
I’ve been wrestling with my own mental health issues for the last couple of years, it really had its claws in me deep.I have struggled with my mental health for all of my life, as far as I can remember, but that was definitely the most disabled I have ever been. But, I’m feeling okay lately… like myself, and I missed me.

I know that I still have a long way to go, but I’ve been through this enough times to recognize the upswing when it hits me. Now I’m just doing everything that I can to embrace it and keep climbing out.

Glad to hear you’re doing well, @Hawaii_Jake. Hope is a really nice feeling, too. :)

I’m struggling to keep my old demon depression from sneaking up and jumping on me. I know things will get better and I have to focus on what I can deal with right now. Later I will deal with things that will affect my future.

Step by step, keeping a present focus, appreciating the things that sre going well and adding joy to my life.

Thanks for asking @Hawaii_Jake, you are a good guy.

I am human, I am not famous…and it may be that the life I I have chosen for myself will have an ever grey influence over my fellow man…such that long after my death perhaps it will be realized that there lived in this age, a very remarkable creature.

@Hawaii_Jake: thanks for the kind word :)

How’m I doin? Doin good!
The prostate’s gone, I feel great. The 401k has never been better. My kid’s divorce was finalized and I just got the big contract I’d been chasing.
How you doin?

Headwise, I’m OK. Recently, while out at sea, I began passing kidney stones. Pissing blood and razor blades. It was a rough week. By the time I got to port, I had one helluva UTI. At Roseau, they did a C-Scan, found the expected stones, and powdered them with ultrasound. A regime of antibiotics and problem solved.

But the scan also showed an aortic aneurism just above the bifurcation to the femorals. It’s a 3.5, so I have a little time. But, Shit. I’ll have the work done as soon as I get stateside in a few weeks. I don’t relish being laid out on a table and sliced open like a freakin’ lobster and all the downtime, but the alternative is that my movie ends abruptly and unfinished. Pain in the ass.

Thanks for asking, Jake. I’ve told nobody about this until now and it feels OK to do so. Thanks. I hope you are doing well.

On the whole, good. Our planning for tax time worked out. Our move, though stressful, is going well. We have plans for some vacations later this year, which I am looking forward to. Our relationship is good.

Drained of energy constantly, I feel like a living dead person. So much I want to do, so desperate for action, energy, moving round and about and all I can do is just watch the world go by! I hate it but I can’t shrug it and I don’t know how to handle constant fatigue and drowsiness!

Still struggling with money, but overall pretty well.

I took a mini-physical at work last fall, and all my numbers came in as “we need to keep an eye on this”; glucose, weight, BP, cholesterol. Since then I have dropped a lot of weight and I am running around our local reservoir. I was doing a brisk walk in 45 minutes, now I am running most of it and getting around in 35 minutes.

Work is going as well as can be expected.

And I have been seeing someone, but I am going to have to break it off today. She lives way too far, and she is in a much different place in her life than I am. Best to end it now.

Please just don’t bother reading this. It’s a complete rant. But thanks for the opportunity to do so

Well, in financial dire straits as usual. I just love the whooshing sound my paychecks make as they soar into and out of my bank account, barely stopping to wave “hello” in passing.

Recently started on a birth control regimen, because the Good Catholic Girl method is frankly incredibly annoying. So, of course, I’m a hormonal wreck. This is going to be a fun few months. Spent most of yesterday on the verge of tears. I am so not that person.

Body’s adjusting fairly well to the whole “not having a gallbladder” thing. My alcohol tolerance has gone to pot, which is a little harder to adjust to than I would have guessed. I don’t drink often, but the rare-ish occasions when I do, it seems the stuff smacks me over the head before I expect it. Oddly enough, I think part of the problem is that I don’t drink often enough to do the trial-and-error it’s going to take to work out the timing/amount thing. I’ve done without entirely for months, but then drink one good beer and fall asleep almost immediately. Weird.

My boss is moving to Australia. In 40 days. I found out yesterday. It’s a small business, and now there will be only two of us running the call center, processing customer orders, running commission reports… for a business that operates in four countries. Yay. And there may or may not be more money involved. The details haven’t been discussed yet. So, I know I’m getting a shit ton more on my plate, with no promise of further monetary incentive. As if there weren’t enough stress in my life, now I need to talk about money with the people who control my job security. I don’t do confrontation.

My mother – with whom I haven’t spoken since 2007 – is doing her damnedest to ruin my brother’s happiness at the birth of his first child. I’m not saying I want her dead, I’m just saying everyone whose life she affects would be better off if she didn’t exist. Seriously, isn’t having a baby hard enough without your supposed support system making life difficult? Sometimes, bitch, life isn’t about you. Grr.

Dear husband: Yes, I’m an atheist, yes, sometimes I listen to podcasts by other atheists. If you can listen to wall-of-sound heavy metal music about raping the corpses of your great-grandmother, I can listen to talk radio discussing church-state separation issues. Fucking deal with it.

Been better, been worse.

I’m fucking grand, proper grand!
Also, i’m slightly in love with @Seek_Kolinahr…aka Al :-)

Both better and worse than last week.

The better: My boss does not have any heart issues. She still has the hiatal hernia and has to be better about some habits, but at least I won’t be doing CPR on her.

The worse: I’m hoping that it’s a worse that will lead to better. I’m back in therapy. I like this person so far. This homework has been rougher than expected. (Exposure therapy. And no, @ucme, there is no nudity involved. :P ) I’m finding that while I do the writing, I’m pretty calm and not feeling overwhelmed. In fact, I end up a little numb. It’s afterwards that I feel all those “bad” old feelings bubbling around. It’s coming out in tears and, a couple of times, bitchy remarks. I was told to expect my feelings to be near the surface so I’m not worried, just emotionally and mentally tired. I’ll get there. I have to because this baggage is too damn heavy.

And a good thing – I have two excellent trainees to work with. I think they’re going to be very, very good at their jobs.

@tedibear It’s a fine mental image though ;-}

Actively involved with several volunteer organizations. Busy and happy to help people.
Had my 12 year old walk behind lawnmower transmission quit on Sunday, new mower on Monday.
Thanks for asking @Hawaii_Jake

Struggling with my emotions and I’m finding it very difficult to socialize. It’s been a month since my mom’s surgery to fix a ruptured brain aneurysm. She hasn’t had more than two days in a row of improvement. Just when we think she is turning a corner she has a setback. It’s depressing. My sisters and I are worried mom will never be the same if she ever gets to go back home. (I used to bitch about my mom now and then here at Fluther. Now I ache because I can’t pick up the phone and talk to her when I want my mommy.)

Okay, but not great.
Okay because I am done with half of my A-level exams,
not so great because my boyfriend, with whom I was living together, broke up with me three weeks ago. I manage, but at the moment it is really hard to concentrate on studying for my exams. I don’t miss him all the time, but sometimes it comes crashing down on me. I hope that we might get back together after our A-levels, and I worry that it may not happen and I will be disappointed. I live with my sister at the moment, which is good, but I miss my home. So basically, everything is broken, but I will try to build something new I’m comfortable with.

@jonsblond I’m sorry to hear that. My husband went through the same thing with his mother back in 1988. Our thoughts are with you and your sisters.

Normal. No gripes or complaints, no particular goals have been accomplished. I just go to work and come home, rinse and repeat.

OK.

The house is messy. It’s hard to keep up with the toddler. Daily I find him eating something that he threw on the floor the day before. I’m tired and emotional. I’ve been nauseous and headachey for days. My gut says I won’t get my period in a week and a half… that I’m pregnant. We’ll see.

I hate my job. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, although today (after a full night of sleep) went better.

We’re broke. Seriously. The house hasn’t sold so we’ll be on the hook for $10K capital gains tax if we sell (which we won’t get out of the sale) or we’ll be landlords for years. Yuck. If landlords, we need new tenants in a month and a half. Double yuck.

I have to finish my Masters thesis. I have little motivation. Again, I think it’s hormonal (see above). Have to wait and see.

Tired, frustrated with having to put our moving plans on hold yet again, even more tired, sick to frigging death of suffering with endometriosis, beyond pissed about all the mass killers we “humans” seem to be breeding… UGH.

Glad things seem to be going well for you, @Hawaii_Jake, and so sorry about all your troubles, @Seek_Kolinahr.

Compared to what?

Compared to some, my life is a breeze; compared to others, I have some legitimate complaints; compared to banana slugs well, at least I still have my penis.

Well, I’m a mixture of things right now.
I’m fighting dermatillomania. I’m trying to stop, but sometimes it’s BIGGER than me, and I have to. I know I have to tell someone what’s going on with me, so I can get help, but I don’t know how.
Other than that, I’m actually happier than I’ve been in a long time.

I’m hungry.

@DigitalBlue Keep swinging up. :)
@Dr_Lawrence Ah, that slippery depression. I sincerely hope you escape.
@NuclearWessels If you’re on Fluther, you’re automatically special. :)
@LuckyGuy Thank you. I love that clip.
@Espiritus_Corvus All I can say is “ouch!” Get well soon.
@marinelife You have lots of plans, and I hope they all go well.
@ZEPHYRA Oh dear, I do hope your energy levels rise appreciably soon.
@zenvelo Congratulations on the health improvements, and best of luck with the other situations.
@Seek_Kolinahr (((HUGS)))
@Pachyderm_In_The_Room I suppose that’s better than being in a bin.
@ucme I doubt you’ve ever been “proper” about anything ever. ;-)
@tedibear I have been in therapy a long time, and I hope yours is as successful as mine.
@Tropical_Willie Ah, to be busy and happy. It’s grand.
@jonsblond That’s heartbreaking truly. (((Hugs)))
@newtscamander Here’s hoping you make it through those tests with flying colors and feel better all around.
@Blackberry Sounds nice.
@Cupcake I remember the toddler years. They were precious and perilous. Good luck.
@WillWorkForChocolate I hear you.
@rojo We’re glad you’re not a banana slug.
@AshLeigh I understand. I have many things bigger than me, too. I sincerely hope you find that person to tell soon.
@Dutchess_III Come on over. We’ll have tea and cookies.

Don’t want tea. Want beer.
Don’t want cookies. Want cheese cake.

@Dutchess_III I’m having a tea party. You’ll have to find your beer and cheesecake party somewhere else. ;)

Anxious and frustrated. My husband and I have been dealing with our money troubles for so long, just barely scraping by. Now, the end is finally in sight (I hope!), but just before then things have suddenly gone to shit. It’s like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but some bastard keeps trying to snuff it out. If we can just make it through maybe three more weeks, I think we can turn this ship around. Meantime, I’m a nervous wreck.

I’m really happy to read some of the updates posted here, and wish continued good things for all of you. For those of you who need one, hugs.

As always…meh.

@augustlan You need a (((Hug))).
@tinyfaery As always…shrug. ;)

I’m good. I’ve had a pretty stressful time because school started again, and I’ve got some catching up to do…but I feel like I may be doing the right thing after all. That’s pretty great. Also, my sister’s been living with me for a while now. Being someone who needs a lot of space, I worried it would wear me out – instead, I like it. Weird, but true. Thanks for asking, @Hawaii_Jake

@longgone I’m glad you like having your sister around and hope the other stress will ease.

-I am trying hard to lose weight – and it’s a struggle. I remain optimistic & determined.
-I received a bonus (commission check) with my paycheck on Monday that was both unexpectedly generous and greatly needed. I am so grateful. Bills will be paid, donations will be made.
-I have an exceptionally busy week coming up – but looking on the bright side, I don’t have to travel so each night I can be home to sleep in my own bed & kiss my hubby and kids goodnight.

My overwhelming feeling is one of gratitude. The kids are alright..the allergist gave me some good drugs…spring must be coming one of these days in the near future (after one more round of snow showers this week, I hear..) ..and I just wish I could give tea, warm cookies and hugs to most of the jellies above who need a break.

@geeky_mama Thank you. It’s good to hear all your good news.

@Jacob, perish the very thought.

Pretty overwhelmed! I think y’all can gather what my schedule has looked like based on my level of presence here lately. Looking forward to May 1, my first day of summer vacation.

But overall, good. Life is going well. I need a break, but that’s not what I would consider a “problem.”

Facing a bit of indecision/worry as I think I’m starting to realize that carbs play a big part in my health troubles. I feel I should try giving them up for some period of time to see what happens, but I’m also very underweight and don’t know if depriving myself of any food is a good idea. Doctors aren’t very helpful as they tend to brush off the idea that dietary changes would make a difference with my disease. Not sure what to do.

Thanks for the question. I always love and appreciate this one.

I’m a bit down. A lot down really. I’ve been working way too hard for too long and I’m burned out but my boss, who is in that position for a few more months, is inept and plays favourites. So not only am I overworked but I have to deal with watching other people doing much, much, much less. He was supposed to take some of my work away and give it to other people with much less work, but he just makes excuses. Some of them are his friends. Nepotism stinks. So I’m frustrated and pissed off at the inequality.

It was also my birthday yesterday (thank you to the lovely jellies who said happy birthday. It really meant a lot). My husband, who I love and is a good person, bought me a crap card and nothing else. I’m hard to buy for. I know that. So I suggested something to him over two months ago and he left it too late to organise. So instead of getting me something tiny so I had a present to open, he gave me a card that wasn’t even his usual sort of card. He normally buys me really soppy cards. I’m not actually a ‘card’ person but it’s his thing and I love that its his thing. So I opened this boring, nondescript card, got no present at all and felt hurt and neglected too. Now I’m cross with him (and with myself because I feel like a spoiled brat). I would have been happy with anything that showed he put some thought into it. A book or a scarf or a CD or a tiny bottle of essential oil or anything so long as he thought about it.

So I feel overworked, unappreciated and just fed up and because my problems are miniscule compared to many people here at the moment, I feel like a whinge and like I should just get over myself! Thank you @Hawaii_Jake for letting me get it off my chest anyway. You are a sweetie.

(((HUGS))) for Bella!

Thank you @WillWorkForChocolate. :-)

Jumps at the chance for a threesome…big hug Liz :-)

@Mariah I hope your summer break gives you a lot of joy.
@Bellatrix Happy belated birthday! I hope the other sorrows float away.

I am concerned about the next four months as I feel I have taken on too many commitments. My mind feels very bogged down at the moment and, although there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, I think it’s going to be a while before I start to get close to it!! In the words of Dory “just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.

How am I?

Well I’m numb. As usual I am struggling with my emotions. I’m tired emotionally and physically. I don’t know who I am or who I want to be or who I should be. I miss my husband so much. I’ve basically turned my brain off for now. Oh and before you ask, yes, I see a doctor. :p Yes, I’m being treated.

According to the doctor I am actually working out of a psychotic depression…fun, I know!

I am feeling better but I am not quite myself but I have been getting out more and started going to the gym. It’s been 6 weeks and I’ve lost 12lbs so far. I’m looking to get my old self back before all the meds. I want to roller blade again, man I loved that and I miss it so much.

When I finally am at the best I can be I hope I can move forward at my fullest potential and share that side of myself with people who are special to me. :)

Thanks for asking @Hawaii_Jake

I’m good.
If you are too, hope you stay that way.
If you are not I hope you get better.

@Leanne1986 I like Dory’s words.
@nofurbelowsbatgirl It’s great to hear you’re getting out to the gym.
@josie I’m glad to hear it.

Still hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way…but he treats me with kindness, and I get to see him from time to time, so I am grateful for that. He remains one of the few positive people in my life right now.

Otherwise? Not good at all. After years of the stress of my job slowly building, I am now working with a spoiled brat who has to have everything her own way (and mainly gets away with it because she is related to someone higher up in the company.) She criticizes everything I do (and I’ve been at this job for eight years now), and has turned much of administration against me. We recently had a meeting with one of the administration, where I was absolutely humiliated. I am looking for another job, but prospects aren’t good because I am still working on my degree, and I feel really trapped in my situation. I am getting more and more depressed because I feel trapped in this situation, and I feel the day may come soon where I (stupidly) walk out in a fit of pique, which would leave me with no job, and nobody else to pay the bills.

School helps me keep going, as I am studying programming (and love it!), but even that has not been enough to help me shed my depression.

Lately I feel like I can’t pray any more (or if I do, that God is not listening). I haven’t wanted to go to church, and I’ve “taken a break” from choir. When I sing it has to come from my soul…and my soul has not felt like singing lately. My supposed best friend seems only to be concerned that I won’t be singing any more, and a lot less interested in the fact that I need a friend to lean on right now.

Oh, and my mom is starting up chemo again…which means she is going to become even more exhausted all over again…

I am very lonely, and the only one who seems to be encouraging me is someone I see rarely…

Sorry…but you asked.

@yankeetooter Please, don’t apologize. I sincerely hope your situations start to look brighter soon.

@yankeetooter, I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. With your employment situation what about speaking to your university professors? Sometimes they will hear about opportunities for employment. In addition, my university has a department that works with people to find work. They often hear about jobs on the campus or connected to your studies. Might be worth a try. Another thing to check is whether there are any mentoring programmes. If there are this can be a good back door way into the work you want to do. If you can do some work experience or connect in with people in the field you are studying in.

I remember your mum is sick. That’s a hard time for all of you. Perhaps you can come and talk to us here more often? I too hope things pick up soon.

Thank you @Hawaii_Jake !

Group hug for @Bellatrix. (((((( )))))) You go through all of that and then come and so patiently deal with us idiots. Thank you.

@Hawaii_Jake….thanks Things have eased up a little bit, but I am still having no luck finding another job…

@Bellatrix…thanks for the kind thoughts. Right now I am taking classes at a community college, and I am not sure how many resources they offer. I have one professor I talk to occasionally who is kind of like a mentor in that he gives me advice, etc., but I know he is part time at the college, and works about a gazillion hours elsewhere, and so I hesitate to “bother” him too much.

I will try to come on here more, but lately everything has just been robbing me of my energy…

It’s odd, but having nothing to do really does drain energy out of you. (((Hugs))) @yankeetooter.

Anxious. Waiting on some (hopefully) good news. My partner may have a new/better paying j.o.b.!

@Mama_Cakes I’ve got my fingers crossed.

@Dutchess_III…I have plenty to do, in fact I am a bit overwhelmed right now…

O. I misunderstood. Wish I could help. I’m totally underwhelmed.

Fingers crossed too @Mama_Cakes! I love your cat by the way. I want to steal him.

@yankeetooter, just next time you speak to your mentor mention you are looking for work and would like some in the field you plan to work in and can he help? He probably knows a lot of people. If you don’t let people know what you want, they can’t help. You’ve got nothing to lose have you?

@Dutchess_III…no worries.

@Bellatrix…I see your point, but I’m pretty sure my skills are not far enough along yet to find something in my chosen field.

In shock. My partner’s Uncle (who is gay), his partner died through the night after suffering a heart attack, yesterday. He was 50.

He had AIDS, and was in Kentucky taking care of his sick Mom. The stress of taking care of her took it’s toll on his heart, thus the heart attack yesterday. Her uncle drove from Michigan to Kentucky after he got the news about the heart attack. He made it into Louisville last night at midnight, but got lost once he got into the city where he is partner was at (he was trying to find the hospital). Luckily, his partner, Danny woke up and got to talk to him (Jim), while Jim was driving around trying to get to the hospital. That was after midnight. Danny ended up passing away at 1:30. At least he got to talk to his love.

Oh @Mama_Cakes….that is SO sad. I’m so sorry.

Suspicious package at the cruise port. I’m not allowed to leave work. Awesome.

@Dutchess_III It is. I’ll be heading to Kentucky tomorrow.

Oh yeah. My office is connected to the port authority building. And the parking garages are closed off. No one in, no one out. Should have said that earlier.

Any idea how long @Seek_Kolinahr?

It’s been three hours so far. My friend has her two kids and my son today. They were at the aquarium next door. They can’t leave either, so they’re riding the downtown trolley around in circles just to have something to do.

Oh my! Any other details you can give us? I’m curious….

Basically, some bomb-sniffing dog overreacted to a pallet of food, and then another dog overreacted to the same food, so they’re calling it a bomb threat.

If you like, you can watch a video of some under-dressed cops digging through a box of boxes of instant coffee here

This is incredibly annoying.

I was just watching the news & they have a rolling ticker across the bottom of the screen, it just read “suspicious package located on the dock at the port of Tampa”
When I told the wife a user on here was affected by this, she thought it might have been a skipper on a boat…bless :-)

What do you do there, @Seek?

I bet it’s annoying, but better safe than sorry. You’ve always got us, anyway. For better or worse!

I’m in a completely unrelated office next door to the port.

Update on my son: They found a hotel pool that let them in to swim for free, since they’re stranded. ^_^

How cool is that! :) Maybe he’ll always remember this day! :)

I’d go swimming but I’d have to scrape the ice off the pool first. WHEN’S IT GONNA WARM UP??!!

A little discouraged today. I ran out of my appetite stimulating pills and I thought I could probably do without them. Bad move. Everything tastes like shit and I can barely stomach eating anything. I need to get my hands on a new script ASAP. I had no idea I was still so dependent on them and that bothers me. I am so underweight – why does my body reject food when it so obviously needs a lot of it?

@Mama_Cakes, @Seek_Kolinahr, @Mariah {hugs}

@Hawaii_Jake I know the last few days haven’t been good ones for you. How are you doing today?

@augustlan Thank you for asking. No, the last few days were terrible, but I’m recovering. I was able to write about my friend’s suicide and released a lot of emotions there. Asking questions here helped, too. I’m grateful for my friends near and far.

@Mariah I hope your situation improves quickly.

Tired and going to bed.

@rojo Nighty night.

I’m hungry.