So what do you do if he proposes with an absolutely horrid ring?

Return it and go with him to pick out a new one.

My wife picked out her own engagement ring from a vintage jewelry store. All I had to do was put a blood diamond in it and find the time to “surprise” her. It was silly, but what’s the alternative? I don’t know the first thing about rings.

Try to bring up the subject of jewelry and be sure to say you are very picky about what you like. Show him a few things you do and don’t like just to give him an idea.

I don’t think it would be a good idea to keep a ring you don’t like. You would be better off to exchange it. The family heirloom my husband gave me, his grandmother’s ring, is beautiful.

The first two times someone proposed to me, we’d gone ring shopping together before hand. With the first guy, we just went window shopping, so he’d have a good idea of what I liked. With the second guy, we actually bought a ring, and put it on layaway. First guy bought a simple ring he knew I’d like (but we didn’t end up married), second guy got the ring out of layaway on his own and surprised me with it and a formal proposal. We were married for 17 years. Third time, there was no ring involved. I was totally fine with that, and am still married to that guy. :)

If I’d gotten a ring I didn’t like, honestly, I’d have probably pretended I did. I’m a wuss like that. Maybe a few years down the road, I’d say it no longer suits me and suggest a change.

If the two of you are talking marriage, I advise looking at rings together and making your preferences known. That’s no guarantee, of course, but at least he’s got a better shot at picking a winner.

yeah so far I’ve been trying to be subtle and tell him which cuts I like lol.

The best chances for a long lasting relationship exist where there is open communication between the two people. You should start as soon as possible.

Find one that you like that he can afford and let him buy it for you.

He’d be smart to take you shopping with him. Hopefully he will.

As an aside….my husband picked out my ring all by himself. If I’d known he was even looking at rings, I would have been horrified! His tastes tend to run to large and gaudy and tacky (IMO). But guess what…he done good!...Crap. I cleaned up my photobucket account and I deleted the pic I had of my ring. :( But it’s pretty and nicely understated. Maybe not exactly what I would have chosen, but I love it.

I never can decide which side of the fence I’m on with this one. On one hand, having a ring you hate would suck. On the other hand, telling your man that you hate the ring he picked out especially for you seems selfish and shitty.

My cousin proposed to a girl, and she turned her nose up at the ring, said he didn’t pay enough for it, demanded he take her to pick out her own, and chose a really expensive one. The whole family thought it was beyond rude.

I agree with the others, that if you’re worried about it, you should gently let him know that you are picky about jewelry, and would like to participate in choosing the ring you’ll be wearing for the rest of your life.

I learned a long time ago from the experience of all my friends, the woman has to have input into what she will be happy wearing the rest of her life.

The important thing is to make sure that he knows you are appreciative of his efforts. So tell him you are picky about what you will wear because of your own personal style. Make sure his mom and yours both tell him you should be part of any shopping. Get any sisters or women friends to tell him the same thing.

It all needs to be told to him as part of the path to a long and happy marriage, that you two are a team and should make big decisions like this together.

It’s your ring. You pick.

She’s trying to figure out how to tactfully tell her fiance that she wants to pick the ring.

Since you know he is looking at rings, and I would guess you guys discuss marriage, next time it comes up I would tell him that you are very excited to see how he decides to propose, but that you don’t want him to present you with a ring that day, that you want the two of you to pick it out together. Men have a thing about planning how they are going to propose and many men feel like they need to do the traditional thing and present a ring (which I think is very sweet) but wearing a ring every day that you don’t love ain’t so great. Telling him you don’t like what he picked out is no fun either. So, head it off at the pass I say. This is a communication and honesty test, @YARNLADY makes a good point.

My way he still gets to surprise you with the proposal event. The material symbolic ring thing you can save for later.

This is how my husband and I did it:

“So, we should totally get married at some point.”
“Yeah, that would be awesome.”
“I should buy you a ring then”
“If you want to, yeah, but I hate diamonds.”
“ORLY? What do you like?”
“Well, I’ve always liked the idea of a Claddagh ring, since the one ring does the engagement thing and the wedding thing, depending on how it’s worn. And I like emeralds.”
“Cool. Where can we get that?”
“Hm… Look like this website will make one in my (obscenely tiny) size”
“Sweet. Order it up.”

Three weeks later it came in the mail, and he did his proposal thing that was utterly adorable and kind of superfluous.

@Dutchess_III Oh, then she says, “Yes! I will marry you! Thank you for the ring! Now let’s go and get a ring I like!” and then grin. Then follow that up with sex. She’ll have no problem.

You all do understand that the ring is just a symbol, right? It shouldn’t really matter what it looks like if he actually loves you enough to make a lifelong commitment.

I’ve been married to the same woman for twenty-one years and if we had gotten married in plastic spider rings from a quarter machine I would still have that ring.

:) @rarebear!

Well I had a really nice family that I married into and he put a family ring on each long-stemmed rose for me to choose from when he proposed. Pretty sweet deal, I got lucky there.

Like ^ said, it’s about the love not the ring.

Both times that I proposed (and both times successfully) I did it without a ring, and we bought that together afterward. I’ve been told by both of those two and others subsequent to each of them that I have good taste in jewelry (for the few times I’ve bought it on my own), but I don’t like to trust that. For these rings, I wanted her input and 100% acceptance.

Having the ring to “seal the deal” is just a storybook thing – which a lot of people like to live, I understand – but they’re not going to live “happily ever after”, either, so it’s best that they get disabused of such silly notions, and the sooner the better.

@CWOTUS Spot on!

What better time to tell him how you feel, and to find out how he feels, since you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with him.

No ring and never felt the lack of one.

The big secret is that men honestly really could give a crap about what the ring looks like. I agree with @CWOTUS and @KNOWITALL completely. Propose without the ring and then go shopping together. It’s what we did.

He is quite possibly agonising over the whole ‘what ring’ question. No offence to the guys here, but many men don’t have a clue what we like but want to get it right. Why not suggest a ring scoping trip. Where you both go out and you point out (and perhaps photograph) rings you really like. Then leave him to make the final choice based on his available $$. The ring I showed my husband was hugely expensive and I told him there was no way I wanted that ring but I loved the design. So he spoke to the jewellers and they made me a ring in the same design but with a smaller stone. I love it, he didn’t spend more than he planned to, everyone is happy.

Just one comment about price. If you both can’t afford a ring you love—wait. My husband bought me a zirconia because he really want me to have something, but I was in no hirry to get a ring I didn’t love, and I didn’t want him to spend money on something expensive when we were first starting out.

You aren’t marrying the ring. I am sure he would love to hear “Yes, I will marry you, but can we get a different ring?”

A lot of guys have no clue about picking rings or jewlery. They just have no taste. Maybe take the time now to educate him. I’d also include taste in clothing. This might be a good chance to educate him on what looks good and what doesn’t. Otherwise you’ll be wearing an ugly ring and receiving ugly presents for the rest of your life.

I proposed without a ring and then took my wife shopping, but I knew that she’d be okay with that order of events. Ring shopping can be very stressful for men. Unless they’re just totally oblivious, they don’t want to get you something you don’t like. I agree with @filmfann, then: if I had purchased a ring first, I would not have been at all upset to hear “Of course I’ll marry you!” followed by some brief celebration and then, maybe with a little smile, “but let’s go ring shopping tomorrow.” Being disgusted by the ring would be rude, I think. Saying something like, “that was very thoughtful of you, but I just don’t think this one suits me,” however, is not. At least not in my opinion.

I would question your judgement in choosing someone who did not have good taste. It brings into doubt you own acumen.

This answer is not too serious either

Oh now its Jewelry that can somehow become fancy and magical… Its a ring. A ring simply signifies something even greater, something a lot of people have forgotten for ages, LOVE! How does anything like a mere Diamond or Ring get between that…. maybe a lot of people are like smeagol…. “MY PRECCIOUSSSSSSS”
PAAAANNNNNCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS
‘Scuse my outburst.

@rojo As I used to tell my ex, “yes dear, you have excellent taste, you chose me!”

I asked for this ring for my birthday. I don’t quite remember how but something he said alluded to the fact that he was going to propose. Then, when I checked his credit card statement (I am in charge of taking care of that bill), the twit had charged the ring on the card… I knew the price, obviously, because I’d picked it out. Putting two and two together, I was sort of horrified. Was he going to propose to me with THAT ring? I mean, I loved the ring, but as an engagement ring??

I was torn about it.. what was I going to do if when he did propose, that was the ring he was holding?

Until he proposed. And that was the ring he was holding. And all of a sudden, that ring was the most perfect engagement ring in the whole, wide world. And I love it, and wear it proudly, and get so many compliments on it.

Plus, we have that money to spend on our wedding. To me, people that go into debt over giant rocks/bling are doing it all wrong. Why start your future out together with a huge bill?

incidentally, the only time I’ve even come close to cursing this particular engagement ring is now, trying to find a wedding band. I’m going to have to arrange for a jeweler to make a mold of my ring and customize a band to fit. But I still love it.

Pretty @poofandmook. I asked for this ring because I need one.

Pssst @Dutchess_III

That ring is a hutch

I know. I’d rather have a hutch any day than jewelry!

That must be reeeaaally heavy to wear…

I didn’t want to point out that it was furniture… because I thought I was probably missing a joke. lol

:) Twas, @poofandmook!
:) Tis, @WillWorkForChocolate!

I would take furniture over a ring, any day, haha.

Well, I have a foosball table that needs a home, @augustlan!