Breaking heart. What would you do?

What is the evidence?

The knowing that your SO is in the company of another.

But if it is a true and reciprocal love, the one should be able to ask the other about what is going on.

Ok. Don’t be afraid to confront it, then? Why would the other go to so much trouble to hurt the one they love? This is perplexing.

@jca and @zenvelo new at this.

Sometimes people do shitty things to other people without really thinking through the consequences of their actions. They don’t mean to hurt the other person (in this case you) but hurt is exactly what they inflict. Some people don’t realize that having multiple romantic relationships with people causes a lot of trauma to the main relationship.

I don’t know what the situation is with you and this guy, but know that Long Distance Relationships are often doomed from the beginning, simply because each person is never going to be able to get what they want and need from the other person, simply because they are not there. I think LDR’s are a recipe for failure. Most people want and need physical relationships from their significant others. If they don’t get that, they will seek out other people (that they may or may not love/like/respect) to get that physical contact or intellectual connection. People get lonely.

If you have some kind of proof that your fellow has been cheating on you, then you need to confront him and present it to him, in a non-confrontational way (good luck with that part). Then you need to let him know that you will not continue to be in a relationship in which he is cheating on you (and be prepared to carry through with this). Let him know that you want to be with him, and him alone and that for you to be together, he needs to break off any other “entanglements” that he might have and make it clear to you that you and he are an exclusive couple. If he balks or can’t seem to make that situation happen (for any number of reasons/excuses/lies) then you need to walk away.

Thank you @Kardamom completely understand and hear you. I’m the opposite I guess. Loyal to the end and from the beginning. I have to be strong, which I have been. I’m just in total disbelief. My heart is with him forever.

Welcome to Fluther.

“In the company of another”? Oh, come on. Don’t be so Victorian. Say what you mean. Is there sex involved, or is this just your hyper-sensitivity that the other person should be as alone and miserable in that state as you?

That’s why I was asking how she knew. Is there proof or just paranoia?

In my past experiences, my gut instinct has always proven to be right. Some changes in behaviors made me question, and I found evidence. Turns out the feelings weren’t as reciprocal as I believed them to be. We tried to work things out over several months, but it never did work.

Trust is absolutely crucial. Something has made you question your beloved’s trustworthiness. Depending on the strength of the ‘evidence’, you must ponder whether you may just have self-esteem issues that cause you to feel undeserving, so you suspect the other might be looking for ‘better’? I’ve been in this situation before, too – on both sides of suspicion and jealousy that were rooted in deeply held insecurities.

If you don’t feel the evidence is strong enough, and/or that you may be creating the problems in your own mind, work on your personal trust and esteem issues. If the evidence is strong or something else happens to support your concerns, then ask about it. It will be at the back of your mind and will alter the way you interact, so you may as well just deal with it rather than letting anxiety build up around it.

If he is cheating on you then it isn’t “true love”, not on his part anyway. If you know for a fact that he is cheating then you need to confront him about it, present the evidence and deal with it from there. Whether you choose to forgive him for this or not is up to you but I fear the trust will be gone for you, especially as it is a long distance relationship which will add to any uncertainty you have of his loyalty. In this situation I would keep the saying “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” in mind.

Just to play devil’s advocate for a minute, is it possible that your SO is spending time with a woman as a firend and you are building it into an affair? The idea might be worth looking at.