Am I the only one who thinks hurting someone's feelings is wrong?

@blueberry_kid Little scared people try to tear someone down to make themselves feel better about their own inadequacies (sp). It’s usually weak people that do that. Be strong and they’ll move on. Is there someone you can talk to about this?

Other than my mom…not really. I just don’t understand why must someone hurt someone’s feelings purposely.

@blueberry_kid They don’t feel good about themselves and they don’t want you to feel good about yourself. Does your school have a counselor?

That sounds more like bullying, instead of just randomly hurting someone’s feelings.

@WillWorkForChocolate It is bullying.
@blueberry_kid Don’t try to handle this on your own. Get some help. This stuff can get pretty bad.

I mean we do, but she’s not the brightest crayon in the box. And she doesn’t really help kids. I was hoping the name calling would have stopped by now, but obviously no one has a brain yet. The stares, the whispers. And they obviously see that it bothers me. Why do they keep doing it?

@blueberry_kid You just answered your own question. They see that it bothers me. Why do they keep doing it? They have power over you. It makes them feel good. Some people are just assholes, espcially at your age. They’re growing up, trying to find their place in life, and taking you down makes them feel better about themselves. Let me guess, the main people after you are girls, and their guy friends join in occassionally?

The other way around really. And its harsh words, not just a silly joke. I cry about it when i get home. I make sure they dont see me that upset. But my question was, why do they keep doing it if they know it bothers me? Is it because they think they have power over me?

They keep doing it because they see that it upsets you, and they’re assholes who think upsetting you is fun. I really have no explanation as to why they think it’s fun, other than there’s something wrong in their heads. Want me to go break their arms and legs? I can do it without hurting their feelings… :D

Ouch. That’s worse than I thought. Teenage boys are cretins at that age. That suggests sexual harassment. Are their comments sexual?

No nothing sexual…just names that I really don’t like hearing. But that I’ve heard since 4th grade.

@WillWorkforChocolate that would be GRAND

@blueberry_kid Let me give this some thought. I’m tempted to have you question their class, but teenage boys have none. Jellies give us some backup.
Edit: Don’t think this is a reflection on you. Males do this to impress other males. You don’t cut do you?

Oh god no. I don’t want to mutilate my body over something like this. I’m upset, not depressed.

You are the normal one, and the people saying hurtful things are being immature and mean. I promise you that as you get older a lot of that goes away and people, adults, are much better to each other in general.

People say don’t let it bother you when people say mean things, but the truth is words hurt. The same person who says don’t care about what others say, will in the next minute talk about verbal abuse and how devastating it is. Makes no sense really.

Try your best to surround yourself with good people who are supportive, kind, and happy. Stay away from the mean ones.

Okay, good. Your self respect is very important. I’m so glad it’s intact. I need to think on this. Let me get back to you tomorrow.

If someone is hurting you, do something about it. You can ignore it, for example. You know how you’re occupied while someone is talking to you? Do that. Read a book, listen to headphones etc. No on is holding you there, making you listen.

@blueberry_kid I really liked the “She’s not the brightest crayon in the box” comment. You know what life is about. Don’t let the clowns get to you.

@Blackberry Good night. I’ll think on this.

Hurt feelings are an unavoidable part of life. You have to learn to deal with it.

I have wondered this myself. I am a violently mean person, sometimes. It’s not something I try to do, but it’s become something I don’t even notice anymore.
We are bitter, broken people.

Aw, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I promise, it does get better once you’re out of high school. High school feels like ‘real life’, but it isn’t even close, really.

This is horrible advice but I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told my son….if you are being bullied, ignoring them isn’t going to make them stop and telling a teacher will make it worse. If you want them to stop, make them stop!—(I’m not saying you should pull a columbine on them, please don’t ever do that.),just take your biggest textbook, (I was partial to my history book, personally) and “accidentally” smack one or 2 of your bully’s in the face really hard with your book, people learn pretty quick to shut the fuck up. No one wants to mess with someone they are affraid of.

I didn’t tell my son to hit someone with a book, but I did tell him to stand up for himself and that he won’t get in trouble with me for doing it.

This is easier said that done, of course, but when someone goes out his the way to hurt your feelings, it’s possible for you to choose not to let your feeling be hurt.

@cheebdragon I agree, I just didn’t want to be the one to say it lol.

When I was a kid there was this guy in my class who had been held back 2 years. So he was big and mean. I always took the short cut home from school through the alleys. He would hide and wait and then jump out and say he was going to pull my pants down. In those days girls had to wear skirts or dresses so this was a scary threat! Anyhow, I told my mom and she said well take a different route home. I did, I stopped traveling the alleys and that solved the problem. Someone on fluther informed me, when I told that story before, that my mom was a terrible mother because she did nothing. But actually, I think she was a good mother, she gave me the solution. So I guess what I am saying is, can you avoid these people? The other thing my mom said was that I could out run this kid so I didn’t have anything to worry about. And that was true too. It doesn’t seem as if any of that is much help in your situation, but I guess my point is that you can handle it, you just have to figure out what will work in your situation. When you do, you can be proud that you handled it on your own. It is a good way to get ready for real life because it just really isn’t all fun and games. Some nasty stuff can happen along with the good and you have to be ready so it doesn’t knock you down.

@blueberry_kid I chewed on this a lot. Unfortunately, I don’t have a great answer. You’ve got life figured out very well. You understand feelings and you can see through your counselors inadequacies with ease. Sometimes we just have to toughen up and ignore the idiots around us. Time wounds all heels. I wouldn’t confront these guys physically, you could really get hurt, because I’m guessing they’re showing off for each other and they might feel they had to respond to that kind of action. Can you wear headphones so you just shut them out and ignore them? You’re squared away pretty good, feel sorry for the losers and maybe show them that you pity them for their attitude. That might work. I’ll keep working on it.

I second @cheebdragon‘s answer.

Edit: @Blackberry already agreed, so I third it.

Only way to deal with bullies is to humiliate them into submission, they’re essentially weak-minded fucktards, so this will be a walk in the park.
Best method is to punch them square in the nuts & laugh at their pathetic crumpled bodies as they fall to the ground in a heap.

No, you’re not the only one. Some of us that have been hurt learned early not to hurt others. It’s okay to be sensitive, but we have to balance that with inner strength.

Mean people enjoy being mean I think, it’s part of their personality. In junior high one older girl started with me, and instead of being a milktoast, I stood up to her, it’s sometimes the only way to deal with bullies.

But you have to learn to pick your battles. I’m still not good about that, I want to kick every bully butt that talks to me like I’m a piece of crap, but part of growing and maturing is control and discipline. In the end, the damage bully’s WANT do to us is nothing compared to the damage they do to themselves. It doesn’t end when you reach adulthood either, mean people are everywhere and in all walks of life. Be strong.

@rooeytoo Your mom taught you to go out of your way to avoid things, and if you can’t, that you should run away? I can’t see myself ever saying that to my son, I’d hide in that damn alley myself if I had to and scare the shit out of that stupid fucker.

A few months ago my son told me that as he was leaving the school a small group of boys were standing by the gate and one of the kids told him he was ugly, anyone who has seen my son in the fluther photo album knows this is just not true, he’s a good looking kid. The bully was just trying to humiliate him in front of his friends, so I told my son that the next time the kid calls him ugly say “maybe, but I’m not nearly as ugly as your mom, so it’s all good.” (He’s only 7) as you’re walking away. My son asked me what he should do if the boy comes after him, I taught him how to throw a good punch and the best places to aim. The next day when the kid said he was ugly he did exactly as I told him and the bully’s friends laughed at him and he hasnt said a thing to my son ever since.

When you ignore them you are giving them exactly what they want, they want an easy target who can’t stand up to them. Even just doing something small, like saying “bitch, shut the fuck up, I’m sick of your shit” back to one of them and get in their face like you might get crazy on them, can make them stop sometimes, only truly stupid people continue fucking with someone they fear.

@cheebdragon fluther photo album? excited Where’s that?!

And great advice.

I 4th the @cheebdragon solution.

Nothing like sending a hard, heavy load of text messages straight to some bully’s head.

Besides, after hitting the books, it’s only fair that the books hit back!

@KNOWITALL it’s on photobucket, I couldn’t copy the link from my phone because it wants to send me to the mobile site. I think it’s on Facebook too.

Hahaha found it!
(he was still pretty little in this pic, I’ll have to update it…)

Wow, some cool pics, too bad I don’t know many of them. @dominix is a cutie!!

@cheebdragon – words like that would never have passed my mother’s lips, ever!!! And her advice has held me in good stead for my almost 70 years. When someone is twice your size and weight, run like hell seems smarter than look for a fight and lose! Sometimes discretion is the better part of valour.

But I do like your advice better than the turn the other cheek gang.

@rooeytoo I agree to a degree. Sometimes just feeling empowered raises your ‘irish’ enough to see you through anything. Like a placebo almost, for your courage. :)