Is there anything valuable to be gained for those left behind after a person takes his/her own life?

I think in a way, we lose our sense of adolescent immortality. We know it could just as easily be us.
This realization can be traumatizing. But it also reminds us to love as much as we can. To make sure that those we love know how we feel. It can help motivate us to stop waising our time, and do something.

I’m so sorry, @Hawaii_Jake.

For you, personally, it may help you with your future endeavors to support people with mental illness. I know you’ve just been through training to do just that, and this terrible situation may give you even more insight and empathy in that regard. I can’t imagine that will come immediately, though. First, there is grief. Honor it, and take care of yourself in the meantime.

NO, and here’s why. By taking your own life, you arent solving anything. You are pushing it onto those left behind. You are leaving those left behind to wonder, and sort out the problems that could have caused you to do this. A horrible, selfish act.

That nothing (except perhaps a terminal diagnosis) is worth suicide. All of those who have attempted it and lived for one reason or another have said they were glad they did not succeed.

No matter how we lose someone we are left with grief. Our grief is the hall mark of our love, it is the price we pay for loving and it is a tribute to the one we have loved and lost. I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with such a terrible loss.

I disagree about suicide being selfish, suicide is unbelievably tragic, sometimes it may seem to the person suffering the only choice be it serious mental illness or absolute desperation, so sad.

I am sorry for your pain, @Hawaii_Jake . Yes, there are things we gain: a greater understanding of the depth of their pain, yet also that we need to reach out as much as we can to our fellow man.

And, we must remember that it was no one’s fault but his, that you did whatever you could to be present in his life.

There are many questions though that will never be answered. He took those answers from you when he took his life. Time to grieve and remember him when he smiled.

The only thing you can really learn is a deeper understanding of yourself… your life, as you know it.

The experience will teach you about how you cope with loss in this manner. It will cause you to look deep within yourself if you are open to it. All any one can gain from the suicide of a loved one is a truth and knowing of themselves (other than the standard cliche you mentioned) and their place in this life.

I’m sorry you are having to deal with such a loss. Let yourself grieve to the fullest.

In contrast to what some others have said, maybe we have to accept that for the suicide, life had become unbearable and they could not see a way to go on. We, the survivors, have to forgive ourselves and realize there was almost nothing we could do to save that person; love helps, but healing has to come from within.

Remember your friend with love and allow as much comfort in as you can get from others.

I am so sorry, Jake – I wish I were with you.

@Hawaii_Jake I am not going to tell you it was right or wrong for that matter for your friend to carry on in such a manner, but I will maybe offer up a small bit of clarity. Before that I also want to say that I have learned that death itself has many faces and seems desperate to continue it’s unreasonably elaborate elimination. I know this feeling all to well. I have had many losses in recent times all very close to me & all way too early. One by suicide, 4 by “natural” causes.

Now I can tell you that since I have felt like I have been mentally tortured I have struggled with suicide ideation for years and I have commited suicide once. It’s only by the grace of God and my now dead husband that I am here today.

I can also tell you that the “rational me” says I don’t want to hurt the ones I love, I don’t want to place my troubles onto them and that I know that can be a burden and in a world that already has many burdens..

But “irrational me” says, do it! No one loves you, think of how the pain will stop, no more thinking, no more over thinking, no more hurting, they don’t care anyway.

And in a split second I can be so irrational I swallow up 3 months worth of pills or I can be rational and realize what am I doing and that it is wrong and go on about my day.

I struggle with this almost daily probably because of the bipolar and the grief. I also have trouble embracing who I am and instead try to embrace who I should be.

I can say that being on the right pills I don’t think of suicide as much as I used to, but every once in awhile it creeps back into my head leaving me feeling shamed that I would want a less torturous life for myself.

Trust that your friend was in an irrational place. I think it is a misconception when the word “selfish” is put out there.

People who kill themselves are not in their right mind. I know when I commited suicide I was not feeling selfish. For the people who do survive suicide it sounds like a guilt trip. And by all means as I said already I live in mental torment almost daily. I’m at war daily. I’m not fighting another country I’m fighting myself and I’m fighting for my own freedom. Some of us will go down in flames and some of us will rise above the ashes.

@Hawaii_Jake I’m sorry your friend was struggling and I am sorry that you now will have to go through more torment and I am sure if your friend was rationally thinking he would of not put you or anyone else he loved through that. My heart goes out to you. xx

The very sad thing is that after my first husband died my life got better. I was able to see more clearly how sick our life had become.
I miss him and I wish that he were still here, but I often wonder how messed up my kids life would have been if he, with his tortured mind had continued to raise them.
Trust me, having their father shoot himself when they were 4,6 and 8 was horrific but as twisted as his mind had become I think the kids would have been way more messed up living with him.
I wish he were alive to see what great people they are, even with the heart scars.

Never to do to my children and family what my father did to his.

@gailcalled, I hope my son gets that.

My step father took his own life last year around this time. Indeed it was extremely hard, any sudden death is. But I want you to know that life goes on and things happen. Things may or may not happen for a reason, but me believing that they do happen for a reason, I think, is what helped me regain my strength and move on. Depression comes hand in hand with anxiety, that can be the result of a death from a close loved one. Taking the step and talking to a therapist, believe it or not is actually a really big deal. (S)he, will help you and I promise you that. All these crazy thoughts in your head, the devil telling you to do something on one shoulder, and an angel on the other, it will go away. I was there, and I know how horrible the pain is. No one understands but yourself, you know what you need to go, and you know how to help yourself.

I lost a close friend to suicide, totally unexpectedly, about 13 years ago. In time, and coupled with my own experience of depression and suicidal thoughts, it taught me why people are driven to take their own life and it also taught me that no matter how bad things get, there’s nearly always a reason to keep going. Suicide doesn’t get rid of the pain, it just passes the pain on to others. But of course when you’re suicidal, you can’t see that.

Thank you, jelly friends. I am doing much better than I imagined I would be at this point.

I’ve had 2 sessions with my therapist. I’ve talked in depth to 2 very close friends. I’ve written a lot about it. Asking these questions here on Fluther and getting these great replies has helped tremendously.

I’m still angry at what has happened, but I’m feeling an odd calm this evening. I think I’ll latch on to that calm.

Again, mahalo.