Wedding Drama - What would you do?

I find that this site really helps when it comes to etiquette issues. Are you on good terms with the bride (your niece)? You should make this about her and not her mother.

I don’t think you should’ve said “this is no way to treat family,” at this point I don’t know if you’re saying this to her face, but… as you’re engaging the crazy and allowing her to use that as a stepping stone for more drama. I have to admit, I’m confused about the “everyone back in the wedding;” did she disinvite everyone and then re-invite them?

I’m also wondering if you got your 11-year-old a balloon afterwards? Surely the balloon at the shower wasn’t special in any way?

Hate to say this to you, but I think you need to look at your part in starting all this. Your sister may have mistakenly, but without knowing, given the balloon to the bride, but for you to go off on a big upset is really out of proportion to the whole event.

And it seems like your sister and her daughter are doing their best to not deal with you at the wedding. So chalk it up to experience, apologize to your daughter for being part of the whole mess, and then be gracious in wishing your niece a long and happy marriage. And stay home.

You created a scene at your niece’s shower over a balloon. It sounds like your niece is making very sensible changes to make sure that the focus of the day is on her celebration, rather than this weird family drama. Just let it go. The day is not about you or your daughters.

If you are ready to let the wedding be about your niece, perhaps try contacting her, apologize for making a fuss about the balloon and your daughters’ participation in the wedding, and simply ask to be allowed to attend the wedding. Bring a nice gift. Don’t hold a grudge, don’t let it affect your future dealings with your family. None of this is about you.

Welcome to Fluther. What you get here is off the cuff reactions. I agree with the about answers. Did you and your sister have rivalry problems growing up? I hope you’ll be the peacemaker here. Otherwise, a balloon will have been the cause of an unnecessary family rift.

I wonder if all this drama was staged for you to finally pull out of the wedding party.
( staged by another)?
In this situation I would agree with glacial comments in that getting your daughters (participation in the wedding party) ,out of this scenario.

I did apologize and the bride to be didn’t even know what happened. My sister ramped it up and it was an off the cuff reaction on my part. My daughter comes in balling her eyes out and I reacted. I will stay home because I do not want to ruin my nieces day. I was there when she took her first steps,and it really does break my heart. My sister has always had to make things bigger than they are. I think my sister was more upset over how the guests there treated her because when I told her about the balloon, she said you have no idea how bad this one and that one treated her. It wouldn’t be the first time we had a family rift over something so ridiculous, my sister stayed away from my dad when he was dying of cancer for 2 years and shows up 3 weeks before he dies. It is all so sad.

@meimel
unresolved sibling rivary…..shows up later in life too!
You would be surprised how often this happens at Funerals!
Hope things work out for you and your daughters.

I just saw this on Facebook and thought of this question:

Life is too short
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should
and let go of what you can’t change.

Family drama does suck, but don’t let yourself get drawn into it. If your niece wants you to come to the wedding and you think you can do so without your sister making a scene and ruining your nieces wedding, then go. If not, I’d still send a nice present and just stay home.

I would go along with what @glacial said. Regardless of what your niece’s response is, be wary around your sister and be coolly polite to her.

Your sister decided dissing your 11 year old to give her bride to be a balloon makes sense? Fuck her. I always let the youngsters have first pick.

This seems like a little spat that’s gotten way out of hand. Try to be the bigger person, and extend the olive branch. Hopefully you all can mend things before the wedding.

All sorts of stupid shit happens before weddings. This was over a dumb balloon and got out of control. Both you and your sister let this become something it shouldn’t. Some sort of ridiculous power struggle. Now she is going to win damn it! Right? She will make sure she sticks it to you, even if it hurts your girls. Personally, I always would give something like a balloon to the young children, but I guess your sister does not think that way, or anyone else at the shower? I would think all the adults would be giving the balloons to the kids at the end. Or, maybe there were a lot of kids? However, it was the bride to be’s day, no one should be making a fuss about something so trivial. I assume it wasn’t obvious that balloon was marked for your daughter.

If you have not apologized to your neice, why not do that? Say you are sorry a rift developed with your sister during this special time in her life (your neice’s life) and that you are extremely happy for her. See where the conversation goes from there. Unless your family generally takes an apology as reason for the other person to say, “see she apologized, she admits she was a bitch,” and does not reciprocate with apologizing also and smoothing things over. My husband’s family can be like that and it would probably be a cold day in hell before I ever apologize to some members of his family again. But, most people I know accept an apology, say they are sorry too, and everyone makes up.

I would go to the wedding because if you don’t it will always remain an issue between you and your sister and niece and possibly others in your family. Go and have fun with the rest of your family – it is not admitting that you were wrong or that your sister wasn’t.

Why is your sister’s mother not also your mother? Might it be that your sister is a half-sister? Is she paying for the wedding? If that is the case then she has the right to decide who gets to go.

The real issue is the relationship between you and your sister. It would be a shame to have that destroyed over a balloon. Send a letter, or at least an email, to your sister explaining how you would like to have harmony in the family and, despite all the shenanigans, that you care deeply for her and your niece and think it would be best for everyone if you could attend. Don’t apologize for anything. If your sister does not come around then just send a present to your niece and stay home.

Don’t go. Both sides of the party made a big deal out of this. You for the balloon, them for actually uninviting you because of that.

If you were not disinvited I think you should go to the wedding. The wedding happens once in your neice’s life. My BIL did a really horrible thing before my wedding, your story is nothing compared to what he did. My husband and his family did not care if he came, he was not going to come until a few days before he decided to come, and I think it is good he did. A friend of mine did not invite his entire family because his father was pissed about who he was marrying and he assumed the whole family would not go against his father, so he had no one there. His wedding will always be his relatives were not there, and afterwards it has come to light that cousins and aunts definitely would have come if invited. Weddings are times for everyone to behave and let the bride and groom have their day no matter what other crap is going on in the family.

In my opinion.

I think you should send a gift and then take your kids to Disneyland that weekend.

Any excuse for Disney, right @Judi? LOL. But, don’t you think that just reinforces staying pissed off over something that should not be a big deal? A balloon? Miss a family event like a wedding? That the OP actually wanted to go to originally. She will be settingnthe example for her kids to not work things out, but to instead in the end avoid. I guess it depends on the family. Some families, some family members are impossible, I can understand that.

I know I am setting an example for my girls that is why I want to make the right decision.

@JLeslie she said she got a text saying they didn’t want her to come. I was just thinking of doing something fun with the kids since they were already feeling hurt.

@Judi Oh, I missed the text. Then yeah, Disney sounds good to me. Buy the kids princess dresses instead of being in the wedding dresses.

Take them to the Bippity Boppity Botique!

Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got
bippity-boppity bippity-boppity bippity-boppity-boo

Great idea!

Oh I wish I could take my kids to Disneyland.

Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ‘em together and what have you got
bippity-boppity bippity-boppity bippity-boppity-boo

Can someone send me a fairy godmother :)

@melmel020 Why can’t you? Won’t the wedding cost some money? Buying dresses, that sort of thing?

Air Fare. I’m on the east coast. I will find something fun for them to do.

What month is the wedding? I don’t remember. Up and don’t the east coast usually has reasonable airfare, but I realize it will still add up. Where do you live? Maybe drive to Busch Gardens or Kings Dominion in VA, Six Flags in NJ, or go to the beach?

Six Flags in New Jersey sounds good. The wedding is in May.

@melmel020 Right near is that animal park where you drive through in your car and see all the animals. I assume it is still there, I haven’t been there in years. My exboyfriend loved going through there. Just a warning that the monkeys sometimes jump on the cars. It never happened to us, but supposedly they can possibly cause damage. The park might be changed by now though.

Unless the bride is also eleven, I don’t really know what the fuss is about. And if she really must have one, I hope she’s old enough to get one for herself. Good grief.

Unless you were officially uninvited, go to the wedding. It only happens once. [knocks on wood] Hopefully you’ll be able to laugh about The Balloon Incident sometime down the road. You don’t want to be looking at old wedding photos years later and feel like something will always be missing from that day.

Your niece may not have any personal beef with you. But if she knows there’s drama brewing, I can’t blame her for trying to avoid it. Even if she wants you there, Mom trumps Aunt.

Give her the best wedding present that you can give someone: come, be a part of her special day and enjoy yourself (read: no drama).