Out of state Relatives...

Uh, no.

Absolutely not. But, I am not tight on money. If you don’t have the money to provide food, just don’t have it in the house. I would think they would offer to pay for groceries or dinner if they know you can’t afford it. Hell, my parents and friends often offer to pay when staying with me even though they know I can easily afford to provide for them. They feel they are staying at my house for free, the least they can do is chip in on the food. I don’t always let them pay when they offer, depends who it is and the circumstance.

No. If you can’t afford to host, don’t invite.

@JLeslie: I agree with what you are saying and I understand, but to charge for food and have people offer to chip in for food are two different things. To come out and say “I want X amount of dollars for the food you are (or will) eat” is unacceptable, to me.

No I wouldn’t, but if I was broke I would tell them so so they’d be prepared.

My sister invited them to stay with her for 3 weeks. They are well off but insisted on charging me $50.00 a week for food. I gave my girls $500.00 for spending money in case they wanted to go out to eat or for other forms of entertainment, but was shocked by the request for extra money. To top it off my kids would call home saying they were starving because my sister left my niece in charge of them while she went to work

@melmel020 If she invited them that is very odd and rude even. I would be upset but take it as a learning experience and move on.

If YOU asked them to visit, it is like asking someone out for dinner.
Maybe take them out for dinner , once , for an evening out, but to expect THEM
to pay , when it was YOU who invited them in inexcusible.
(I suppose If you went Dutch , but that would have had to be agreed upon before, and only for ONE Dinner, not ALL the dinners etc after?)

@jca Good point. I was not really answering the question well.

I would never charge my guests money for food, especially if I asked them to come visit. But, I can see how it might be difficult to deal with the situation if you want people to visit, but don’t have the money to feed them, especially if it is a long stay. I would just hope the guest would be semi aware of my financial situation and do the right thing.

@Inspired_2write So, if someone invites you to visit you expect not to have to pay for anything? You stay for a week and never take your wallet out? Three weeks?

@melmel020 Your sister should have told you money expectations up front. Personally, I would not expect any money for what they ate in my home. If your kids are not being fed well get them out there.

@JLeslie Guests should always offer in my opinion, or take your hosts out for a thank you dinner, something, but I wouldn’t think that if my auntie invited me to stay for a week that I would be expected to pay for all meals 100%, no.

@JLeslie I would have that all agreed upon BEFORE deciding to go.
Usually visiting realtive have time to themselves set aside to do there own things too( and that of course is at there own expense).
But If I had them at my place I would have everything laid out for them…Food at my place.etc
Otherwise why would they stay at my place, they can go to a motel themselves as that is what it amounts to.

Well, if someone were taking care of my child for three weeks, I would offer to give them money for food and incidentals. I mean, kids are expensive. They need things like Happy Meals and admission to parks and first-aid supplies, and the like. It’s nothing I would not be paying on my own if they were in my house.

That said, if I invited my niece to my house for a few weeks, or cared for her while my brother and his partner were out of town for however long, I wouldn’t dream of asking for money. She’s my family, and no different than one of my own kids.

In fact if money was a problem, that is the better solution…they stay at a motel and visit you.
Or they stay at your place and go out for there dinners etc

@KNOWITALL I don’t think anyone is talking about 100%.

@Inspired_2write I agree before.

If the kids had $500 in spending money for three weeks, I’m not sure why they’d need relatives food anyway?

My sister’s daughter lived with me for a while and I never charged her a dime. It is just a double standard.

They ate pasta for the 3 weeks and I would never expect someone to pay if they were taking them out to dinner, that is why I gave them money for parks and food outside the home. If you are cooking pasta for yourself how much more does it really cost to feed and 9 and 14 year old.

No.

@melmel020 It’s a very odd situation to me. Pasta for three weeks, jeez, poor things probably needed a diuretic.

@melmel020: I would make sure that the hosting family and the kids know that the money you give them is not for them to keep, it’s for them to chip in for their admission to parks, and for dinners out, etc.

Other than that, the hosting family should feed them, since we’re talking kids and kids don’t usually eat tons of food anyway.

If I were visiting a family, of course I would pay for them if we went out to dinner, and I would bring some groceries or desserts or something as an offering as any guest would give to a hostess, but I would not expect the family to ask for me to pay a set price like a hotel would.

The sad thing is they never even went out to eat or visited any amusement parks. They thought Florida would be fun, but it was just like being home but without all their stuff and food.
They don’t ever want to do that again.

@melmel020 So sad.

If I invited someone to stay at my house I would not even consider charging them for meals. I think I would be incredibly frustrated if my sibling invited my kid(s) and asked them to bring along money for food. It is totally appropriate for the kids to have spending money for the extra things you mentioned such as amusement parks and eating out, I can even see offering to pick up groceries for the kids to bring so that they have some of the things they like to eat, but expecting them to pay for all their food at the house is nuts.

I would never charge for food, but if I might invite them by saying by the way, we are short on money, if you could bring a bag of groceries with you it would be appreciated.

I’m just curious why she took your kids for three weeks when she was working and they were so young. Was she working full time?

Although a guest shouldn’t be expected to pay it is polite to offer, I would have sent some money to cover a portion of food in the home, 3 weeks is a long time.
I would not ask for money but if my guests want to contribute I willingly accept their offer.
And I’m with @JLeslie why did they invite your children for three weeks if they worked and why not go to the theme parks? Seems strange?

Holy cow, I would never expect to pay someone who invited me, or my kids, to stay with them.
Especially family fer chrissake!
And they never went anywhere while they were there? And she feed them pasta all the time?

Your kids have good judgement if they never want to do that again. And if auntie ever invites them again I hope they give her an honest answer.

If I didn’t have the money I wouldn’t ask them to visit. Or I would make it clear that I have no money.

And p.s. no I’d never ask anyone staying with me at my invitation to pay for anything.
I’m more the your-money’s-no-good-in-this-town type and often pick up the tab for our guests to the point that they sometimes protest and insist on paying for a meal out or something.
As a guest I certainly don’t expect my hosts to cover everything but will accept graciously when they offer. It’s important to be able to receive hospitality as well as to give it.

But I can’t imagine inviting someone’s children to visit me, and requesting payment, from relatives no less. Where does one get such a notion?

My wife’s nephews live 2000 miles away, and wanted to come to California to visit their aunt, and see the sights. I told them if they can pay their way here, I would take them around and see they were fed.
When they came, I took them to SF, Napa, and Yosemite. They knew we were on a tough budget, but still wanted expensive meals. Of course, I paid for them, but it did make for some uncomfortable moments.

My brother came for Christmas a few years ago, at my expense because he said he was broke, and stayed till I paid him to leave in mid-April. We told him it was great that he liked our town enough to stay but it was time for him to get some work if that was the plan. He laughed heartily and ordered another martini. On my tab. Um…..

My sister works as a visiting nurse, so she makes her own schedule. My kids were 9 and 14 at the time of the visit and their cousin’s were 14 and 17. They use to all live in the same town but my sister decided to move a couple of years ago. Her children were never happy about that and as they are growing up they are moving back to their home state. I had one of my nieces living with me when she left FL (she was 21 at the time). I do not have a big house, but made room for her in the downstairs family room. She stayed here, ate here and I even gave her a few dollars now and then.

If you asked them to come visit, why would they have to pay for food?

My thoughts exactly.