What do you think about a policy of no sharing for children?

Hmmmm. I don’t like it. I think it breeds selfishness and disregard for others. I mean, you don’t rip the toy away, but I think you should encourage the child to share.

Why can’t they learn to share?
This would be the ideal first place to learn.

I takes a lot of man (woman) power to manage the sharing, esp. if it is a single toy. They should employ a diversionary strategy instead, so that both kids think they are coming out ahead. (It would also divert parent disgust). I think they just don’t have the staff or don’t have the inclination to manage the sharing.

It is much easier if it is sharing, say, a Lego set. Some adult supervision is still needed though.

This will do serious harm. Sharing, otherwise known as altruism, is something that we have evolved in us. There is a reason things evolve. We already tried the no sharing policy, and now all those people are stone cold dead, and we the ones who share survived.

Maybe sharing does make people feel entitled, maybe they have a point, but this is one they should not be messing with. The sharing thing has worked for us so far.

Learning to take turns is important. It’s one of the tasks to learn in preschool and kindergarten. Some things can be shared; others, can’t. Is the idea that if you are required to share, it makes the kid who wants what the other kid has, feel he should always get his way? May be true. It may encourage bullies. If the teacher isn’t present, the bully-in-training may feel entitled to take what he wants when he wants it. just presenting an opinion.

I don’t know how I feel about that policy, but I do know that not after six decades have I forgotten that when I was in kindergarden, a teacher punished me for not sharing my toy with another kid by making me sit in the play yard by myself. Ashamed to admit I’ve secretly hated that teacher ever since.

While I don’t think children should be punished for not sharing, I think it should be modelled and encouraged. What are we teaching our children about social skills and working with other people if they grow up thinking another person’s feelings or desires are subordinate to their own? I am quite sure kindy teachers can say something like “xxx you can have that toy for another xxx minutes but then it’s xxx turn”. That’s an important life lesson rather than “it’s mine and he’s not having it”. I would say letting a child keep the toy when another child wants to play with it teaches ‘entitlement’ more than teaching them how to cooperate and share.

All I know is that I hate people that take their sweet ass time with everything in a public setting because they must think they’re the only person in line. They have toys at home that they don’t have to share, but I thought a part of school was learning how to socialize.

Sounds like the Republicans have taken over the schools :/

As an only child I think sharing in school is great. I still am possessive of what I perceive is mine, not cool.

Just a reminder the question is about pre-school/nursery school aged children.

@KNOWITALL Did you have to share in school?

@RocketGuy…it takes as much management to manage sharing as it does to break up a fight….

You asked @KNOWITALL, but I will answer @JLeslie. I was told I needed to share. Whether I did or not was left up to me. But just the idea that that was what I was supposed to do was enough me help me make up my mind. A little frustrating for a few seconds, to give up my toy, but I got over it. It didn’t take me long to realize I’d get over it quickly and find something else to do, so I had less and less of a problem sharing.

I can see how this rule makes life easier for underpaid, overworked child care workers. I am opposed to forcing children to share. Forcing them typically involves shaming the one with the toy to allow another child to use the toy as well. I am in favour or children learning to share. This behaviour can be modelled by teachers and caregivers and when children demonstrate a willingness to share, teachers should reward such behaviour with attention and praise.

How do I get to page two of the article, @JLeslie?

Again, @Dr_Lawrence, exactly how would telling kids they don’t have to share make life easier for child care providers? I had a daycare in my home for 3 years, refereed many a playground. I have yet to understand the argument that it would make life easier. Would someone please explain?

@bkcunningham On my IPad I just swipe with my finger from right to left. I don’t know what it looks like if you are on a laptop or desk computer. I would think on a regular computer there would be a way to go to the next page?

I did a search for the article in order to get the second page. That was strange.

@bkcunningham Ok, sorry if the link did not work well for you. I appreciate the effort you made so you could read the article in its entirety. Interested to see your opinion.

@Dutchess_III I agree, I don’t see why it is easier.

I would never allow a child to grab a toy from another child. I taught my children to take turns. They weren’t allowed to take something from someone. Even if it was their toy and another child was playing with their toy, they couldn’t just come up and take the toy away. They had to share. If they were the one playing with a toy and another child tried to grab the toy away, I wouldn’t allow that either.

That was my policy if the children were the same ages. They understood and soon were playing together with the toy. Not independently alone with something. They would offer to play with the other child so they had a playmate. If there was a difference in ages, the older child had to be taught to give up something to the younger child after awhile. They had to be taught to share and not take advantage of the younger, weaker child. It was a lesson for them both.

One of my brothers was telling me, just the other day, about how his daughter and son-in-law buy two of everything because their daughter, whose almost 3 years old, refuses to share with her little brother whose almost 2. We were both astounded. He said he was babysitting one day and his grandson was just learning to crawl. Autumn was playing in the floor and my brother said that all of a sudden Autumn pushed her legs apart widely, spead her arms out on each side of her and sat rigidly. She heard her brother crawling into her path before you could see him and she was protecting her toys from his grasp.

He told me he did force her to share and she knows when she’s at their house she has to share. No duplicate toy policy there.

In terms of virus transmission I think that’s a novel idea.

We learn to be social and to be kind to others during those formative years. The world will be an even worse place if kids don’t learn to share.

This is an area where I think the Montessori system works well. A child has a reasonable amount of time to finish a project at a station and then needs to move on to another so somebody else can use it.

Children can be manipulative little beasts and if Jimmy is told that Julie will get his toy as soon as he’s completely finished with it…. well, Jimmy will take all day just so Julie won’t get it.

I’m sure Ayn Rand would be proud.

I don’t think it is right to take a toy away from one child and give it to another. Do you take it from that child and give it to the first child again? And then take it and give it away again? Why not teach them to share and play together?

Has it been a trend that I missed to allow children to take things from other children?

By the way, the school has several of most of the toys. I saw it on the TV show about it, I linked the article for the Q.

They have several of most of the toys so each child will have their own toy?

@bkcunningham I think the gist was, if one kid has a toy, he doesn’t have to share. No one takes it away from him.

@bkcunningham There is not enough of each toy for every child, but there is enough that conflict can probably be avoided most of the time. With young children they might not care there is another one that is the same though, they might want the one Joe is playing with.

I was one of those kids who shared easily. When I am with very young children I always do the share game, where I give them something, put my hand out for them to give it back to me, and then I give it back to them, back and forth. I have never had a 2 year old not play it with me.

I do think there is two sides to the issue. The child who won’t share is not learning to cooperate in society and the child who thinks he can just come along and demand they want what someone else is using is also just as much a problem.

Taking turns I guess it how I think of it all. The thing is, some people just want what smeine else has, I do see a problem in that. The rule discourages that sort of thinking maybe?

Of course there isn’t enough of each toy for each child to have their own toy. That is the way the world goes round and is reality for most people in most circumstances.That is why they have to play together, @JLeslie. I think there is more to it than giving to one child and taking from another. IMHO it involves teaching the teaching to play together. If you only have one doll and four children who each want the doll, what fun is it for each of them to play individually with the doll? Why not teach them to play together with the doll?

My children shared and were very generous too. I think they knew it was more fun to cooperate and play together. They were taught empathy and consequences. It sounds like you were too. I grew up with seven brothers and sisters so sharing was essential in my life.

@bkcunningham Yes, we played together also, but still, who gets blond haired Barbie and who gets the Marie Osmond doll? LOL.

I think maybe some of it is just personality. Some kids play more on their own, some play in groups. There is some crossover of course. My husband when he was little could spend hours playing on his own. I don’t think I did that. Not like him.

Do children in the USA, who don’t always share, grow up to be Republicans? I have mine and you can’t have it?

@JLeslie I was taught to share at school and at home, with neighborhood kids, cousins, etc… My mom had a zero tolerance for nastiness (she was one of six kids) and if it wasn’t immediately resolved the toy went bye bye and no one played with it.

To this day, I have a slight problem with houseguests, it makes me uncomfortable. I also joke with my family that I’m like a dragon and want to protect and hoard my ‘treasures’, which is a minimal amount of items in a few hope chests.

Basically my husband is the opposite in that aspect (he grew up with sibs) so we balance each other, he makes me open up with ‘things’ and ‘company’ and I help him be more responsible with expensive tools and things he loans out and forgets to get back.

@Sunny2 It’s a common misconception that Republicans don’t want to share or help anyone else, but the reality is that most of us want to reform our broken systems so we’re helping the people who actually need help, some of which are denied help because of the overburden on our system.

I’m not understanding the political remarks in this discussion.

@bkcunningham—It’s Just the discussion wandering into semi-related places.

@Dutchess_III I call it snarkiness, but I can’t let it pass since it’s untrue. :)

What do you call snarkiness? I lost ya

Semi-related places, @Dutchess_III? Like a child calling someone a name? Nanana boo boo. I’m rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. So there you selfish people. I want you to give me what you have and give it to me now or I’m going to hold my breath and stomp my feet and SCREAMMMM.

@Dutchess_III The negative generalizations about Republicans, or any group of people for that matter.

Let’s stay away from politics please.

@KNOWITALL I had asked because you said you think schools should teach sharing and at the same time you still aren’t comfortable sharing, but you were taught it in school. So, do the teachings in school have an affect?

You also said your mom reinforced sharing. My second question for you, not to put you on the spot, it is just curiousity for me, is your mom comfortable with sharing?

I do think only children are more likely to be accustomed to not having to share, but I don’t think they necessarily aren’t sharing people.

@JLeslie I was taught to share in school and at home, yes, in church as well. I think it taught me that it’s not right for me not to share freely and with love, but I still have to make a conscious effort at doing so.

Being an only child and an only grandchild for most of my life I got a little spoiled, I’ll admit it, but it not like Paris Hilton, this is ‘country-style’ spoiling. That means I got to spend money twice a year for school things with a budget set by grandma. A kid in New York would laugh at my idea of being spoiled, I’m sure.

My mom is a saint. She opens her home to homeless people to shower and eat, and her motto is that ‘it’s better to give than to receive’. She has been a tremendous influence on me, which makes me evaluate myself and do good works because I know it’s the right thing to do. Basically I fight my basic human nature to try to be a better person. No one said being good or being a Christian would be easy – ha!

@KNOWITALL I’m not sure what NY has to do with it? Do you think there are no poor people in NYC?

I never thought you were spoiled. I don’t necessarily relate spoiled to being uncomfortable sharing.

I also don’t think of it related to religion, but I find it interesting you went there. I’m thinking toys and things like if I live with someone or someone visits letting them freely use my things, cook in my kitchen, come and go as they please. Opening your home to strangers is a whole other level to me.

I was thinking about this more and at preschool the toys are the school’s and the children play with the toys. No child can rightfully say, “mine,” as children often do. But, our toys at home are ours, our property. For me, when I was little, I still rarely thought in terms of “mine” even if it was toys at my house.

My husband grew up the youngest of three, but much younger, so he has a little only in him. He used to have a harder time with sharing, but he has loosened up a lot.

@JLeslie I’m saying my version of being spoiled is probably a lot less than people outside the Midwest.

Oh, I know you weren’t, but that’s my only explanation as to my feelings of possessiveness.

And unlike you, I am very uncomfortable with people being in my home, frankly it pains me to say but even with my mom, but I have had a living arrangement or two (roomates & lovers)) that didn’t work out well for me or my posessions, so it’s possible I have grown to realize that others don’t value my things as I do.

@KNOWITALL I don’t think you should feel badly about it. If your experience has been negative it is understandable you wouldn’t want to take the risk.

@JLeslie Jesus probably wouldn’t agree with you on that, but I appreciate your sentiments. We are to strive for Holiness which doesn’t include being selfish..lol

@KNOWITALL I don’t think it is selfish to prevent people from stealing or breaking what you have worked hard for. I would be focused on their carelessness and disrespect for other people’s property, not your reluctance to share.

My husband loosened up partly because of how I am, but also because many people in his adulthood have shared and been generous with him, so now he is more inclined to be the same.

@bkcunningham What are you talking about? You asked, “I’m not understanding the political remarks in this discussion.”
My comment was just to say the conversation was wandering, like conversations do. That’s all.
To that end, your comment has left me greatly confused. If it still applies in someway, could you clarify for me?

@Dutchess_III @JLeslie @bkcunningham No one wants to talk politics here, @sunny was just being snarky. Peace.

I apologize for the stir my comment made. I didn’t intend to start anything. I’ll begin another thread to discuss what I was driving at, truth being subjective as it is.

@Sunny2 Can’t wait!

Sounds like enlightened parenting baloney.

Anyway, there are those who have suggested that the caregivers who have a “no share” policy are just being lazy…I wonder how they figure that?

I think there is a misunderstanding of the no share policy. I think, I may be wrong, but I think it means the child doesn’t have to instantly give up what they are playing with just because another child comes and demands the toy.

Good policy. Forcing a child to share is teaching the child that others are more or as equally important/valuable as the child. This is demeaning and degrading and it would impede the child’s pursuit of self-development, excellence, and creativity.

@tomathon, are you saying that when you teach a child to share you are teaching them that others are just as important and just as valuable as they are, and that demeans and degrades the child?

Why are you assuming the child is “forced” to share? If you do it right, you encourage them to share.

@bkcunningham

Yes

Wait…what @tomathon? How is that demeaning and degrading?

Ppssssttt, here’s a great secret @tomathon. I’m going to share it with you because you are so special. Others are just as important and as valuable as you. Don’t share it with anyone else though. ~

Well, I feel so demeaned and insecure now @bkcunningham. I’m going to sue.

@tomathon Forcing a child to share is teaching the child that others are more or as equally important/valuable as the child. Excellent! That’s exactly what should happen. Their peers are equally as important and valuable as they are. If we impressed this more often perhaps we wouldn’t be surrounded by so many narcissistic twats.

Shew! Just hit me he was being sarcastic! Thank you @Bellatrix!

You are touching upon something that would require me to type in great length and detail to provide you with a satisfactory answer. I had no such intention, nor am I willing to do that at this point. However, if you’re genuinely curious, then I will point you to the right direction. That direction is Frederick Nietzsche. I did an online search and found a small summary of some of his work that is relevant for this question. It should bring some clarity to my short answer.

Master-Slave Morality

Will to power

No, @tomathon was dead serious, @Dutchess_III.

I read through your links @tomathon. Nietzsche is full of it. He sets up an untenable argument, one that wouldn’t allow a society to actually function.

But surely you can explain yourself to us somehow. We’re very patient readers.

I believe children should be encouraged to share. This teaches cooperation, and that is needed to function in society.